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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s a bit cheeky for friends to suggest we go to a party after we host?

231 replies

shrinkiewinkie · 03/12/2023 13:33

We are hosting a dinner party with friends for New Years. Will cook some nice food and have good wine. This has been planned and confirmed for a while. Have started buying ingredients.

I got a message from the friends coming over saying that they’ve been invited to a party at their friends house. They’d like to go and the invite has been extended to us too. So we could have dinner at mine and then go to the party.

DH thinks this is cheeky. Essentially saying they’d like our nice grub but then think there are better ways to welcome in the new year. What do you think?

OP posts:
Delatron · 04/12/2023 12:01

LaurieStrode · 04/12/2023 09:27

Good point.

I'd rather see in the new year at a party than sitting around someone's lounge while they are stacking dirty dishes in the kitchen.

Show quote history

If the thought of having someone (friends) cook them a nice dinner, then clean up afterwards was so unappealing for NYE then they shouldn’t have accepted the kind invite. Yes so boring watching your hosts clean up after spending hours prepping, cooking etc for you 🙄.

We’re all different but my dinner parties are far from boring!

paddlinglikecrazy · 04/12/2023 12:34

As you said in your update you don’t fancy the 40 minute journey on public transport on NYE to attend somebody’s party you barely know.
invite the extra friends you wanted to and tell them you’d planned an evening in after dinner, they can still eat and run if they wish and you’ll have the rest of the friends as company to see in the New Year with ?
their plans have changed, doesn’t mean yours have to.

TravelInHope · 04/12/2023 13:35

Bastards. They are trying to have a good time and include you too.
Definitely go non-contact, but try and humiliate them in public first. Any other MN tropes?

Normalweirdo · 04/12/2023 13:39

When I was younger people came and went from new year parties. It was called first footing! Some people hosted and welcomed people in, others went from party to party bringing in the new year.

I don't think they mean to be cheeky.

Promette · 04/12/2023 17:49

I wouldn’t find it cheeky if good friends suggested this - I’d be thankful that the major mess wouldn’t happen in my home. I’d ask that your guests help you wash up after dinner before you go to the next party so you don’t come home to it. You might also meet some lovely new people!

pinkspeakers · 04/12/2023 17:54

I voted YABU but it does depend on how they did it, the nature of your friendship etc. But basically I think that if if it is just a friendly suggestion, and they are definitely encouraging you to come too, it's nearby (or they are sorting transport) and it's not unreasonable to think you'd have a nice time then there's no reason why not.

Last year we had a big NYE party with a very open door policy. There were a few people who joined late, having had smaller gatherings earlier, bringing family or friends with them that we didn't necessarily know very well. They did check with us first. I'm entirely not sure if these were arranged before our invite or not, but everyone seemed perfectly happy!

BlueFlowers5 · 04/12/2023 18:02

Are your other guests expecting to see the NY in at your dinner party? I'd stay put.

Emsy80 · 04/12/2023 18:03

Whos to say the party is their "preferred" event? Maybe they equally want to see both sets of people. Nye is like that, so many people want to wish you happy ny. Mybhouse is always open on Nye and many friends pop by for an hour, have a drink and a nibble and then go on to their family etc others stay all night. It's no big deal.

DoDoDoD · 04/12/2023 18:06

TravelInHope · 04/12/2023 13:35

Bastards. They are trying to have a good time and include you too.
Definitely go non-contact, but try and humiliate them in public first. Any other MN tropes?

leave the bastards?

Beautiful3 · 04/12/2023 18:11

They've had a better offer and obviously want to go. It is cheeky to eat your food then leave! That's something that was done to me back in my student days. Think I'd say, "I'm not up for that, sorry. Prefer NYE at home. We'll have the meal another night x"

Blanc4 · 04/12/2023 18:18

That would give me the right hump !!
if you invited them to a dinner party I’d presume it ment it went on all evening up to midnight .
I’d say to that to them and say if you’d rather go to a party go but dinner isn’t happening

Justintimeee · 04/12/2023 18:22

id see this as you’ve all had a better offer lol. Go to the party as a group, you’ve all been invited?

TweetypiePez · 04/12/2023 19:09

Seems cheeky and rude to me. They accepted your invitation first. If they have now changed their minds as they’ve had a ‘better offer’ they need to be upfront about it.

If they try to do both parties they will likely arrive at yours, scarf down the food you made before rushing off to the next party. Sounds pretty shitty to me.

zurala · 04/12/2023 19:09

Having read your update, I think you need to be honest:

"I was looking forward to seeing in the new year with you at our dinner party and I don't fancy travelling 40 minutes to go to a party and then trying to get home. I'd rather stick to our original plan to be honest and see in 2024 at mine"

They would be very rude to go to the party after that

Hagpie · 04/12/2023 19:09

So rude!

pollymere · 04/12/2023 20:00

I think having a meal together then going on to a party afterwards seems lovely to me! Having dinner isn't a party. Dine at 8pm then go to the party around 10pm.

Ilovecleaning · 04/12/2023 20:12

MummyDummyNow · 03/12/2023 13:39

You've started buying ingredients for a dinner party almost a month ahead?

Back to the point in hand, yes I think it's a bit cheeky and I'd be a bit annoyed too to be honest.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to buy ingredients a month ahead, especially at this time of year: meat/fish for the freezer, check on herbs/spices etc.

mantyzer · 04/12/2023 20:33

I would not buy a month ahead. Who knows what will happen? Serious illness, bereavement, etc.

Scruffington · 04/12/2023 20:44

mantyzer · 04/12/2023 20:33

I would not buy a month ahead. Who knows what will happen? Serious illness, bereavement, etc.

quite the catastrophic outlook. you'd never do anything if you were worried that there might be an unexpected death or an unexpected illness. why do the week's grocery shopping, auntie Mabel might die on Friday.

If she's bought meat it's presumably in the freezer. If she's bought wine, well it'll be fine on the wine rack for many months.

teddyandgypsy · 04/12/2023 20:51

Say what a good idea and ask which one of them will be doing the driving

TowerRaven7 · 04/12/2023 20:55

Actually I’d Love this but I’d make an excuse last minute and just let them go! Entertaining before, during & after the meal, sure - then off they go!
Sounds perfect to me!

Doone22 · 04/12/2023 21:48

Perfectly reasonable suggestion, if you don't want to go then don't but they clearly are social creatures that want to do everything and don't want to miss out on seeing anyone. Wtf would that offend you? Would you rather they cancel because they've got a better offer? It's obvious they want to spend time with you. If you are so offended about it they'll notice and probably reconsider and just do the party. And I wouldn't blame them.

ALJT · 04/12/2023 22:11

I just see it as they want to spend it with more people as well as you not better

agonyau · 04/12/2023 23:39

Hmm, tricky one. How well do you know the party hosts? Probably not so well if the invitation has come via your guests who may have wangled invite on your behalf 😗 but If it’s a large party gathering I expect your presence won’t be seen as an intrusion. Question is whether or not you and your DH fancy a party afterwards or would you prefer a more chilled affair at home. Personally I’d love to go to a party on New Year’s Eve, as long as I knew a few people there.

pineapplesundae · 05/12/2023 02:08

This! Go to the party!