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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s a bit cheeky for friends to suggest we go to a party after we host?

231 replies

shrinkiewinkie · 03/12/2023 13:33

We are hosting a dinner party with friends for New Years. Will cook some nice food and have good wine. This has been planned and confirmed for a while. Have started buying ingredients.

I got a message from the friends coming over saying that they’ve been invited to a party at their friends house. They’d like to go and the invite has been extended to us too. So we could have dinner at mine and then go to the party.

DH thinks this is cheeky. Essentially saying they’d like our nice grub but then think there are better ways to welcome in the new year. What do you think?

OP posts:
ActDottie · 03/12/2023 13:59

Hmmm tricky one tbh I do think nye is more fun the more people etc. so I don’t think it’s that cheeky to say to go to the party after. They’ve not cancelled the whole thing and you’re still invited.

Bolloxforsure · 03/12/2023 13:59

LaurieStrode · 03/12/2023 13:54

How pouty, petulant and manipulative. So much for the festive spirit.

Show quote history

Yeah agreed. Your friends have made a suggestion, do it or don’t but don’t play games or blow this out of proportion.

Goatymum · 03/12/2023 14:00

I don’t think it’s that bad tbh. Do you all know the party hosts? Would you have gone if you weren’t hosting?
We may end up w two invites this year, although I’ve said yes to one already it’s a very ‘pop in’ type of invite so we could go to both.
To the OP who had 2 functions on one night - we did that once - it sort of worked where the meal type was just a meal so we ate, then left early to go to the party bit of the other! They were about 5 mins drive away. No-one was offended and I don’t regret it (was about 11 years ago).

JMSA · 03/12/2023 14:02

I'd only be offended if the party invitation didn't extend to me. I'd feel like I was being used for my food!
Not that anyone has ever said that in the history of my cooking Grin

QuietBear · 03/12/2023 14:04

It is a bit rude tbh.

Do you want to go to the party? If so maybe pull back on what you were planning and suggest everyone chips in for a takeaway and then you all go on to the party?

At least that way you won't feel taken advantage of by paying/ cooking dinner for everyone.

LaurieStrode · 03/12/2023 14:04

FreshWinterMorning · 03/12/2023 13:54

Can't see anything wrong with it. Sounds great. Yours first for a bit, some food and pre drinks, then a NYW party for you to all see in the new year! 💖

Exactly.

Even if the OP doesn't know the other hosts, what's wrong with meeting new friends??!

LaurieStrode · 03/12/2023 14:05

QuietBear · 03/12/2023 14:04

It is a bit rude tbh.

Do you want to go to the party? If so maybe pull back on what you were planning and suggest everyone chips in for a takeaway and then you all go on to the party?

At least that way you won't feel taken advantage of by paying/ cooking dinner for everyone.

Why would hosting dinner equate to "being taken advantage of" ffs?!

ACynicalDad · 03/12/2023 14:06

I say rude not just cheeky. Are there more couples involved? If you have others I’d be tempted to say if you’d rather go to theirs that’s fine. But might damage the friendship!

Precipice · 03/12/2023 14:08

FreshWinterMorning · 03/12/2023 13:54

Can't see anything wrong with it. Sounds great. Yours first for a bit, some food and pre drinks, then a NYW party for you to all see in the new year! 💖

Perhaps OP and her husband don't want to go to a NYE party. They made plans to spend a nice evening together at home with friends (who seem like a couple or a very small group). It's a very different plan than a party hosted by strangers, which seems from the suggestion to be a much bigger affair.

It's not 'great' to replace a plan you've previously arranged that entails things you like with a rearrangement into something you don't like.

Outliers · 03/12/2023 14:09

I think it's normal to have two events in one day, especially on new year's.

And they invited you.

DappledThings · 03/12/2023 14:10

Seems rude to me. If I was invited to or was hosting a dinner I would assume that was the entire evening's event. Leaving early to go somewhere else is cutting the first event short.

QuietBear · 03/12/2023 14:11

Why would hosting dinner equate to "being taken advantage of" ffs?!

Calm down dear.

Because going to someone's house to eat and drink (for free) and then leaving to go on to your preferred NYE venue, is taking advantage of someone's hospitality. Especially when the original plan is that you were to see in the new year at their house.

Saying "Oh but you can come too" isn't really the point.

jackstini · 03/12/2023 14:13

Depends if you had already planned for them to stay after dinner and see the new year in or not

LaurieStrode · 03/12/2023 14:13

QuietBear · 03/12/2023 14:11

Why would hosting dinner equate to "being taken advantage of" ffs?!

Calm down dear.

Because going to someone's house to eat and drink (for free) and then leaving to go on to your preferred NYE venue, is taking advantage of someone's hospitality. Especially when the original plan is that you were to see in the new year at their house.

Saying "Oh but you can come too" isn't really the point.

Edited

No, it's not.

People who feel taken advantage of by hosting should just keep to themselves.

LaurieStrode · 03/12/2023 14:15

Outliers · 03/12/2023 14:09

I think it's normal to have two events in one day, especially on new year's.

And they invited you.

Exactly. They sound fun.

Dinner guests aren't captives required to sit there for hours on end, especially on NYE. Event-hopping is normal.

Nesbi · 03/12/2023 14:19

It’s rude. It puts the hosts in a really awkward position as they either have to agree to go because they know their guests would like to go, or they say they don’t want to go and their guests either have to decline the other party they clearly want to go to or bugger off early from dinner and leave the hosts on their own.

it’s just really ungracious.

BettyOBarley · 03/12/2023 14:19

I think they're probably just trying to work out how to please / see both groups of friends and thought this was a good idea..

QuietBear · 03/12/2023 14:22

Outliers · 03/12/2023 14:09

I think it's normal to have two events in one day, especially on new year's.

And they invited you.

Only if you said that when you accepted their invite.

Of course it's rude to agree to spend the evening at someone's house and then change it to 'actually, we'll just eat and run' when you get a better offer.

VanityDiesHard · 03/12/2023 14:22

Not really cheeky IMO as you are also invited to the second party. If you weren't, I would agree with your DH. That said, you shouldn't feel you have to go on to the second one, but try not to let your feelings of pique spoil your New Year.

boudiccathecat · 03/12/2023 14:23

Sounds brilliant, I’d bring dinner earlier so we’d all get to the party in good time

Bolloxforsure · 03/12/2023 14:24

What if they were tired after dinner and wanted to go home. How long would they have to stay to show their gratitude?

LivingDeadGirlUK · 03/12/2023 14:25

What was your plan for after dinner OP? I think it sounds nice to have dinner with close friends and then go let someone else host for drinks and seeing in the new with a big bunch of friends.

It sounds like they were just making a suggestion, if you really don't want to just say that to your friends.

DappledThings · 03/12/2023 14:26

Dinner guests aren't captives required to sit there for hours on end, especially on NYE. Event-hopping is normal.
Is it? I've never accepted a second invitation for the same evening or known anyone leave dinner early for a better offer. Definitely not normal for me

yomellamoHelly · 03/12/2023 14:26

We host on NYE, and the implication is that our guests stay to welcome in the new year with you. So yes I do see this as cheeky

Fionaville · 03/12/2023 14:26

Not cheeky so much as inconsiderate.

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