Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s a bit cheeky for friends to suggest we go to a party after we host?

231 replies

shrinkiewinkie · 03/12/2023 13:33

We are hosting a dinner party with friends for New Years. Will cook some nice food and have good wine. This has been planned and confirmed for a while. Have started buying ingredients.

I got a message from the friends coming over saying that they’ve been invited to a party at their friends house. They’d like to go and the invite has been extended to us too. So we could have dinner at mine and then go to the party.

DH thinks this is cheeky. Essentially saying they’d like our nice grub but then think there are better ways to welcome in the new year. What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
shrinkiewinkie · 03/12/2023 15:23

Do I want to go to the party? Not really, it’s maybe 40 minutes away on public transport.

I actually met the host of the party about 15 years ago when we were teenagers. We even went on a few dates! I’ve met him and his wife a few times since and they’re nice enough people but not really someone we’d be friends with.

It’s also a bit awkward because we were going to invite some other friends over for dinner too, but I don’t suppose they’d be invited over to the party too.

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 03/12/2023 15:25

Ordinarily I'd think this was rude. It happened to us once when we invited DH's brother and wife round for dinner along with his other brother and SIL. First of all BIL knocked back the drink and got pissed qs quickly as he could, then as soon as the last course was done he got up and announced that it was his mate's birthday party so they were going to that. So rude to just eat our food then piss off. I wouldn't have even minded if he'd told us in a week or so in advance of them coming, saying he'd like to attend his mate's party so did we want to postpone or did we mind him doing both? I wouldn't have minded either of those, it was just the getting up and announcing he was off out that was so rude.

We didn't invite them again and then they got divorced.

Edit: But on NYE I think anything goes really unless you've planned something very specific to happen at specific times.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 03/12/2023 15:27

I agree with pps suggestion of saying they are welcome to go to the party but you will be seeing in the new year at home, with other guests.
Is the other party close/more convenient for them?

Delatron · 03/12/2023 15:27

I think it’s different to ‘party hopping’ though. They have agreed to spend NYE together- OP has planned a generous meal plus wine etc.

I’m guessing a special meal as it’s NYE. They probably don’t want to go to all that trouble for the guests to disappear off at what 10ish? Then OP and her DH are left with the clearing up, seeing NYE alone..that wasn’t the plan.

It does just sound like the guests got a better offer and are trying to do everything. It’s only ok if the OP and her DH are up to heading off to the party with them. Which it doesn’t sound like they are

People may ‘party hop’ but you don’t ‘dinner party hop’.

Delatron · 03/12/2023 15:28

Ok with the update I don’t think it’s ok. You don’t know the party people and it sounds like a trek that you don’t fancy.

DNLove · 03/12/2023 15:28

I think it sounds like a great idea. You get to have a nice meal and a chat, few drinks, and the go to someone else's house to ring in new year with a crowd. Also reduces the mess in your house and the amount of alcohol you have to provide!
I'd prefer a bit of a party over 2 couples saying cheers.
Sounds like none of you have kids so get out cause there's lots of new years you'll be stuck at home and in bed by 10 when you have kids.

Folklore9074 · 03/12/2023 15:30

This is one of those situations where you can assume good intent (nice of them to invite you too, could be fun) or assume bad (cheeky).

Delatron · 03/12/2023 15:30

DNLove · 03/12/2023 15:28

I think it sounds like a great idea. You get to have a nice meal and a chat, few drinks, and the go to someone else's house to ring in new year with a crowd. Also reduces the mess in your house and the amount of alcohol you have to provide!
I'd prefer a bit of a party over 2 couples saying cheers.
Sounds like none of you have kids so get out cause there's lots of new years you'll be stuck at home and in bed by 10 when you have kids.

They don’t want to spend 40 minutes on public transport going to a party where they don’t know many people. So no not a great idea

HollyJollyRobin · 03/12/2023 15:31

I think it sounds fine!!! Perfectly acceptable for NYE!!

LoobyDop · 03/12/2023 15:33

I think it’s totally fine, and would be a nice evening that offered the best of both worlds- a lovely relaxed dinner first and a chance to have a proper conversation with your close friends, and then moving on to a livelier party. I think you’re being a bit precious. They aren’t ditching you.

DNLove · 03/12/2023 15:33

I'm terribly sorry my comment and the OP's update over lapped and I didn't have all her facts at time of writing. Also how about you let me give my opinion and you give yours without telling me my opinion is "wrong".

Squiblet · 03/12/2023 15:36

Not cheeky of them at all. They extended the invitation to you, presumably because they thought you might like to go.

If you explain to them that you couldn't leave your other guests on the night, then they can decide whether to stay at yours or go on. It'll be a little awkward if they get up and leave while everyone else stays put, but that's their problem not yours.

Peablockfeathers · 03/12/2023 15:37

Well at least they're being honest with you, so many 'friends' lie to wriggle out of things or don't mention it in good time.

Personally I'd invite others as you said were planning and not go myself to the after party but wouldn't mind at all if the friend who wants to did. I don't think it's overly cheeky, they want to spend time with you over a meal and also spend time at more of a party- sounds like they're trying to juggle both rather than not wanting to see you.

Scruffington · 03/12/2023 15:37

Seems like a great plan to me.

Delatron · 03/12/2023 15:38

Has the OP said she has invited any other guests? She says she’s thinking about it. They clearly don’t want to go to the party. This was her plan for NYE. To host dinner and see the NYE in her home with these friends. Not to go to a random party 40 minutes away.

tallsmallmum · 03/12/2023 15:38

it is rude and I guess no one's going to stay and help you with washing up etc because they're eager to get on to the party?
And how if the 3rd party even inviting you? The 2nd party should've said "sorry I can't I'm already going to shrinkie" end of story
If I'd offered to host that means "let's stay in together" not "eat here then traipse off" 😳 I'd say "sorry but I really wanted to avoid going out so I'll just let you go to the party and I'll stay in with the children"
The party is even less appealing with your update 😬

Whataretheodds · 03/12/2023 15:39

So if you don't fancy the party that's also fine - invite the other couple, tell the first couple that going to the party wasn't really what you'd had in mind (especially 40 mins away). And I'd think about inviting another couple too ie even if first couple hop on you still have 6 at yours for the bells which is a nice sociable number

(Do the first couple live materially closer to the party than you?).

Smugandproud · 03/12/2023 15:40

I stay at home on NYE because I don’t want to stay up until midnight.
Also I don’t want the bottle of champagne we take being stuck in a cupboard and a glass of mulled wine handed over. That’s happened twice.
I don’t want to be forced to talk to ten year olds all night because they’re allowed to stay up.
I don’t want to kiss random people I just met because it’s NY.
I don’t want to play get to know each other games with a stupid name stuck to my forehead.
Im a proper Margo Ledbetter at times and NY is one of those times!

OhmygodDont · 03/12/2023 15:43

I mean what was actually the plan for after dinner? That would be the decider for me. Was there no plan as such or was it let’s have a meal party and see the new year in.

one of them it would be rude to be hey so so invited us to party the other not so much.

If you want to invite more people and stay home go for it this couple can always leave.

PaminaMozart · 03/12/2023 15:43

It’s also a bit awkward because we were going to invite some other friends over for dinner too, but I don’t suppose they’d be invited over to the party too.

This and the 40 minutes journey on public transport (and back?!!) is essential information missing from the original dilemma and changes everything.

I'd invite additional guests if possible and go all out with hosting a great dinner party - and the other couple can suit themselves.

Peablockfeathers · 03/12/2023 15:44

Delatron · 03/12/2023 15:38

Has the OP said she has invited any other guests? She says she’s thinking about it. They clearly don’t want to go to the party. This was her plan for NYE. To host dinner and see the NYE in her home with these friends. Not to go to a random party 40 minutes away.

OP doesn't have to go though.

Jenasaurus · 03/12/2023 15:44

Hmm I was think about this in reverse. Imagine if the op said to her guests that after dinner she was going to a friends party and they could come along too if they liked. I think its quite rude after all the work the Op will put in to make a nice meal. Its like she is a free restaurant before they move on to the main event.

Jenasaurus · 03/12/2023 15:46

Also who wants 40 mins on public transport there and then back after the party with loads of drunk revellers when the plan was a cosy dinner with good food and friends to see the year in

Scruffington · 03/12/2023 15:47

Jenasaurus · 03/12/2023 15:44

Hmm I was think about this in reverse. Imagine if the op said to her guests that after dinner she was going to a friends party and they could come along too if they liked. I think its quite rude after all the work the Op will put in to make a nice meal. Its like she is a free restaurant before they move on to the main event.

Imagine if the op said to her guests that after dinner she was going to a friends party and they could come along too if they liked.

also sounds like a perfectly fine proposition to me. advance notice of plans. great!

Crocadoodledoo · 03/12/2023 15:48

Given the update, I’d get the other couples on board with the dinner party asap and then tell the pair who want to slope off early that going to their random party late on a cold winter’s night ‘isn’t going to work for us this year’.

I think you have to assume that the original couple will now bail out, so hopefully you can find some new guests to enjoy the relaxed evening you and your DH had originally planned.

(Personally, I can’t imagine anything worse than scrambling to get a NYE party in the middle of nowhere with people I hardly know, but that might just be me. Give me a lovely chilled dinner party with close friends any day!)