To think it’s a bit cheeky for friends to suggest we go to a party after we host?

[shrinkiewinkie]

We are hosting a dinner party with friends for New Years. Will cook some nice food and have good wine. This has been planned and confirmed for a while. Have started buying ingredients.

I got a message from the friends coming over saying that they’ve been invited to a party at their friends house. They’d like to go and the invite has been extended to us too. So we could have dinner at mine and then go to the party.

DH thinks this is cheeky. Essentially saying they’d like our nice grub but then think there are better ways to welcome in the new year. What do you think?

Does your husband think it's cheeky because he doesn't want to go to the party?

For me it sounds great & I'd dial back the effort for the meal.

What are the timings & what did you intend to do after the meal?

Do you know the friends? Do you want to go? What were you planning to do after the meal?

I would be pissed off.

Was the intention that you would eat, relax and see in the New Year together and this was agreed?

I would not want to go out after hosting. I also would not do that to a host. Accept and honour the first invite.

It puts you in a rubbish position you eithe decline and your friends decline but secretly resent you. Or you decline and they go and leave you mid evening . Or you go but feel resentful because you actually don't want to go

There's no winning here. Your friends should have either declined or mentioned it in conversation but not with a view to accepting unless you expressed a interest.

Is it just you and these friends or are others invited too?

Husband is being a bit antagonistic.

Taking his angle aside, hiw do you feel?

I'd just say let's just party and reschedule dinner. Perhaps pre drinks at yours.

Look at it this way, you're only a few ingredients out of pocket so ita actually cheaper than hosting.

Party-hopping on NYE is normal and fun.

Nice dinner in the evening then going on to a bigger, boozier party to go late into the night is normal and fun. Hosting the nice, quiet bit then going on to the rowdy but somewhere else sounds perfect to me.

Do you actually like your friends? You've invited them to spend NY with you so there must be some positive feelings there. Weird, then, to immediately think they're cheeky based on this.

I'd say:

'That's great, thanks for the invite, saves me cooking dinner lol. See you at Danielle and Steve's at 8pm on the 31st'.

I’m really surprised at so many taking offence at this. I don’t see anything cheeky about it at all! It’s a suggestion, not an order and it’s not even as if the dinner invitees are just cutting out early to run off to something else, everyone is invited.

Surely most people do a certain amount of party hopping at this time of year? We did it yesterday, and will be several times more over the season. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having more than one engagement in an evening.

Are they the only people you’d invited for NYE? Or would there be other guests bring “dragged” (depending on their feelings) along too?

Tbh I can see both sides.

You friends might be trying to keep everyone happy here!

I can see why they might rather go to the party for midnight than be with just one other couple - or why they might feel they need to please the other hosts as well. It’s a bit controlling in a way to say “no we invited first, we’ve got you tied in for the night”. They might prefer the vibe of a big bash!

I would probably go along with it but scale back the dinner party a bit - no point going all in these circumstances.

Sounds like a great night to me. A lovely meal then a party to dance in the New Year? Perfect!

This might be a bit of an introvert v extrovert situation though!

I personally wouldn’t accept an invite to go to another couples house for dinner and see in the new year together, I would find spending 5 hours in one couples company in their house really intense and expect your guests do as well - hence the party invite.

Do you know the people who's party it is?
I'd probably deff the meal off, do a couple of pre drinks and snacks on the table at yours with your friends then head to the party.

Unless you don't know the couple who's party it is, then I'd be offended and find the whole thing very rude.

I think it would be rude for your guests to accept both invites and leave yours early.

The friends who invited your guests to their party obviously realise that and are including you in the invitation so that you can all go and not cut your evening short.

I wouldn’t be the smallest bit offended at the invitation.

I think it's a lovely idea, and generous of people to extend party invites to others. It's really hard to meet new people these days, especially in middle age, so I'd be pleased to be invited rather than see it as an interruption.

Sounds perfect to me!
Dinner can still be 7pm-11pm. then round to the party for big group fun for midnight!

In different cultures, it's normal to go from home to home to celebrate - be it Xmas, New Year's, Easter, etc, and not just stay stuck with one family. The more the merrier and it makes it fun for everyone to host and be hosted too (if they have the energy to go out afterwards).

I don't find it cheeky because they've been invited. Why should they turn down another invitation just to sit with you and your family? That sounds a bit controlling.

Would you prefer they cancel yours? I think they just want to attend both or they don't want to hurt your feelings and cancel yours just to attend the party. However, they're damned if they do and damned if they don't.

It wouldn't bother me and I'd be happy to go along to the other party, means less mess in my house and not having to wait till people go to head to bed. Can just leave the other party when had enough. The more the merrier in my opinion.

Feels a bit off to me. If you were going between two different parties that would be one thing, but I think with a dinner party there’s an implicit understanding that you’re being hosted/hosting for the evening. I don’t think it’s for your guests to suggest moving the goalposts and trying to impose a different vibe to the one you’d clearly envisaged (and which they presumably thought was fine when they accepted your original invitation).

It would depend on how well I knew the other people asto whether this would interest me

Can't see remotely how it could be cheeky, unless you had elaborate things planned for the hours after dinner all agreed on? Dinner is dinner, it's perfectly normal to do different things after.

It's a bit hurtful tbh

I have dozens of entertaining and etiquette books from the last hundred years, in my collection.

The nights must fly past.