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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

647 replies

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 09:38

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
BrendaBicycle · 03/12/2023 11:46

Do contact his boss with screenshots

and if the bloke gets angry, tell him it was only a joke and where’s his sense of humour

PossumintheHouse · 03/12/2023 11:46

I can’t fathom why he sent such an offensive post to your partner. Is it possible he sent the message to all of his contacts and forgot that your husband was on there?! (I’m not a Snapchat user, so totally accept I might be wrong with how it works.)
Even more vile if he did send it to multiple people, but on a positive note, you may be able to track down fellow employees or friends to corroborate what happened.

billy1966 · 03/12/2023 11:47

Oh, and your partner has every right to not have to receive abusive pictures of his partner, from work colleagues on the job.

Of course it is bullying and abusive towards your partner, on company time.

I cannot imagine that this would not be taken so seriously.

Grimchmas · 03/12/2023 11:52

YouJustDoYou · 03/12/2023 11:45

Scorch the earth, and salt what's left behind. That fucker deserves everything that's coming to him.

Honestly, this. I'd take him to the fucking cleaners and have zero sympathy if he loses his job. He played a stupid game, he can win his stupid prize. The construction industry is still rife with blatant misogyny and sexism.

Please OP you sound like you're being a pushover - get that email sent to his company's head office today, with screenshots of your message to him and his reply to your DH.

He's a nasty little prick, NO sympathy for what he's got coming to him. And you DH had damn well better not stand in your way.

theDudesmummy · 03/12/2023 11:52

Absolutely. Report to company and your partner should do so too, he has harassed both of you. Before that, report to police, of course they won't actually do anything but you can then tell the company that you reported to police, and their HR will presumably tell the prick that. Women keep quiet about this sort of thing too often.

SerafinasGoose · 03/12/2023 11:53

I'd do it without hestitation.

I'm sorry that happened to you, OP. Misogyny is the pits, and even more sickening is the fact that it's so readily accepted.

It's not you. It's him.

ThinWomansBrain · 03/12/2023 11:53

if he did it while working - wonder if it falls within a breach of GDPR on the employers' part?
serious consequences for them if it does - might weigh on them more strongly to take disciplinary action

MasterBeth · 03/12/2023 11:55

It's not illegal or a hate crime.

It is an unpleasant and misogynistic thing to do, and a reputable company should take it seriously.

I would complain.

billy1966 · 03/12/2023 11:55

10+ years ago a long standing contractor in pharma that my husband knew sent a rude misogynistic email around the office.

He was instantly dismissed by HR, and escorted off the plant.

THAT is how seriously this shit is taken by reputable companies.

I read it.
It WAS dumb🙄, but not the worst or sexual.
I felt sorry for him driving home to his wife having to tell her he had been fired, when the world economy wasn't the best.
What a tit.

It sent one BIG message out company wise and beyond.

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 11:55

wonder if it falls within a breach of GDPR on the employers' part?

How?

Folklore9074 · 03/12/2023 11:57

I’m would absolutely report him. He sounds like a knobhead a
d should get pulled up it. Unfortunately it’s legal to take pictures of people in public places. But he was on the clock so his employer should know.

Viviennemary · 03/12/2023 11:57

No I don't think he should have taken the photograph. But it would be mean and nasty to report him to his employers IMHO. It's a disproportionate reaction to a silly not very kind prank.

Original poster
Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 11:59

I suppose what I meant when I said I pulled on a hoody was that I got out of bed, just put leggings and an oversized hoody on, tied up my hair and had specs on, I am a nurse and would have to be getting ready properly for work later on, I just wanted to get the dog out quickly for her walk - I probably did look a state.

I would like him not to work on that site any more, but get sent to a different one as it is only two doors down from where I live.

as a pp had said - I would have been annoyed if he’d taken a photo and sent it with an innocuous comment, but he was really nasty - when a complete stranger thinks that they can say nasty things about you really does have an impact.

As far as I am concerned my partner did the right thing showing me as if it had come out later on from other people I would have wondered why he didn’t tell me.

I am off out now but will come back later and update - I hate it when others leave threads with no update.

OP posts:
Original poster
Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 11:59

@Viviennemary

a prank? So I just leave it - So he can do it again? Or continue with his bullying?

OP posts:
theDudesmummy · 03/12/2023 12:04

What you looked like is completely irrelevant and none of his business, unless you were outraging public decency. He is harassing a colleague and a colleague's family member and that will be taken seriously by any decent company.

Can't believe all the people on here defending the arsehole. My DH would probably have knocked him out had this happened when we were younger. Now, more likely to threaten legal action!

Myfabby · 03/12/2023 12:04

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 11:59

I suppose what I meant when I said I pulled on a hoody was that I got out of bed, just put leggings and an oversized hoody on, tied up my hair and had specs on, I am a nurse and would have to be getting ready properly for work later on, I just wanted to get the dog out quickly for her walk - I probably did look a state.

I would like him not to work on that site any more, but get sent to a different one as it is only two doors down from where I live.

as a pp had said - I would have been annoyed if he’d taken a photo and sent it with an innocuous comment, but he was really nasty - when a complete stranger thinks that they can say nasty things about you really does have an impact.

As far as I am concerned my partner did the right thing showing me as if it had come out later on from other people I would have wondered why he didn’t tell me.

I am off out now but will come back later and update - I hate it when others leave threads with no update.

It matters not what you looked like. He has no right to send such a vile message to your partner about you.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 03/12/2023 12:05

Viviennemary · 03/12/2023 11:57

No I don't think he should have taken the photograph. But it would be mean and nasty to report him to his employers IMHO. It's a disproportionate reaction to a silly not very kind prank.

It's not a prank, ffs. It's deeply unpleasant misosgynistic bullying, both of OP and her partner.

I suppose what I meant when I said I pulled on a hoody was that I got out of bed, just put leggings and an oversized hoody on, tied up my hair and had specs on, I am a nurse and would have to be getting ready properly for work later on, I just wanted to get the dog out quickly for her walk - I probably did look a state

You've every right to go out looking a state, OP. You've every right to go out looking however you want and not have some misogynistic prick taking pics to shame you, or people saying 'aw, it was just a prank, don't make the poor ickle man lose his job.'

balmysummerevening · 03/12/2023 12:08

Viviennemary · 03/12/2023 11:57

No I don't think he should have taken the photograph. But it would be mean and nasty to report him to his employers IMHO. It's a disproportionate reaction to a silly not very kind prank.

Completely disagree. Do you know how hard it is to build up a business and how much reputation matters? I would not accept losing business and money (which affects everyone else in the company also, not just him) because some idiot decided to mock someone who has done nothing whatsoever to him. I dont want people like that working for me and potentially ruining something I have worked my arse off to build. It speaks volumes about his character.

Brefugee · 03/12/2023 12:10

Do it. And if the picture was shared on social media, and your DH has been tagged he can report it to the platform and have it taken down

Gwenhwyfar · 03/12/2023 12:11

Hedonism · 03/12/2023 09:43

What a dick. Definitely report. But you can't stop people taking pictures of you when you are out in public, that happens all the time (ring doorbells, CCTV, background of other peoples pictures). It's what he did afterwards that was the problem.

Yes. Where I live, you can stop people taking pictures that focus too much on you or at least it's not legal for them to publish them on social media, but in the UK if you're out in public you're fair game.
The problem is the behaviour afterwards.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 03/12/2023 12:12

But it would be mean and nasty to report him to his employers IMHO. It's a disproportionate reaction to a silly not very kind prank

Meanwhile let's skate over the 'mean and nasty' comments the man made about the OP to her partner and whoever else got the picture, eh? because you know, women have to be nice about this stuff and not make a fuss.

Pranks are meant to be funny. Not distress and upset people they're aimed at.

MargotBamborough · 03/12/2023 12:12

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 11:59

I suppose what I meant when I said I pulled on a hoody was that I got out of bed, just put leggings and an oversized hoody on, tied up my hair and had specs on, I am a nurse and would have to be getting ready properly for work later on, I just wanted to get the dog out quickly for her walk - I probably did look a state.

I would like him not to work on that site any more, but get sent to a different one as it is only two doors down from where I live.

as a pp had said - I would have been annoyed if he’d taken a photo and sent it with an innocuous comment, but he was really nasty - when a complete stranger thinks that they can say nasty things about you really does have an impact.

As far as I am concerned my partner did the right thing showing me as if it had come out later on from other people I would have wondered why he didn’t tell me.

I am off out now but will come back later and update - I hate it when others leave threads with no update.

All this is why it is important for you to report him, and for your husband to back you up.

You write a letter to them, explaining exactly what happened and how you made it feel. You then say that it makes you deeply uncomfortable to know that he is working on a site so close to your house and you need them to deal with this situation by removing him from the site if not from his post so that you can walk around your own neighbourhood without fear of being harassed and abused by one of their employees. I'd also point out that it is hugely unlikely that this is an isolated incident and that he is probably harassing other women on a regular basis, it's just that this time he has been stupid enough to do it to the wife of one of his colleagues.

Yalta · 03/12/2023 12:13

I think that him ignoring your message and replying to your dh would have me enraged even more than the photo and comment

Definite misogyny that he can’t even stoop to reply to you and expects your dh to “sort it out”

He called you “It”

I would want his balls hanging from the company hoarding as a Christmas Decoration for that

DissidentDaughter · 03/12/2023 12:13

Fuck around, find out. Totally unacceptable behaviour. 100% report it.

Gcsunnyside23 · 03/12/2023 12:14

What an asshole. Definitely do report him, pricks like him think they are untouchable