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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

647 replies

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 09:38

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

OP posts:
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5
porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 11:26

he showed me because it had upset him

He still shouldn't have passed his upset on to you, and it'll feel worse for you too, because you were the one photoed and directly insulted.

Most likely you would never have found out about it otherwise.

Littlegoth · 03/12/2023 11:27

I work in HR.

I would email the company HR. They are ‘vicariously liable’ for the actions of their staff while their staff are working or at work related events. It’s completely unacceptable behaviour, not least because he has taken a photo of a member of the public, and used it to make abusive comments, while he was working.

sugarrosepetal · 03/12/2023 11:28

I'd report him to the company and also the police like a previous poster has suggested. Although I'm not sure what the police would do about it but it may be classed as a hate crime.

This work colleague sounds like a bully and it needs highlighting.

Beeinalily · 03/12/2023 11:29

To all those worrying about this arsehole losing his job, there are plenty of decent people out there who are unemployed, I'm sure they'd be grateful to apply for his job.

Isitreallythough · 03/12/2023 11:30

Good point about what else he might be doing. Maybe reporting him will prevent some harm.

Fairborn · 03/12/2023 11:32

Oh, I so hope that you report him. What a disgusting human he is.

Please, please don't let this go because you are worried about him losing his job, or it affecting his family. If he loses his job (which I doubt he will), it will be as a result of his pathetic choices, not yours. And as has been said previously, another currently unemployed person, probably also with a family to support, will be a more deserving recipient of his job.

HarryOHayandBettyOBarley · 03/12/2023 11:33

Hedonism · 03/12/2023 09:43

What a dick. Definitely report. But you can't stop people taking pictures of you when you are out in public, that happens all the time (ring doorbells, CCTV, background of other peoples pictures). It's what he did afterwards that was the problem.

This.

GuinnessBird · 03/12/2023 11:33

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 11:26

he showed me because it had upset him

He still shouldn't have passed his upset on to you, and it'll feel worse for you too, because you were the one photoed and directly insulted.

Most likely you would never have found out about it otherwise.

Why are you twisting yourself in knots to blame the partner?

The bloke is in a cunt and he needs reporting.

FacingTheWall · 03/12/2023 11:34

DisforDarkChocolate · 03/12/2023 09:54

Unless this was somehow linked to his work I'd leave it. I would keep evidence he did it to me incase it happened again.

He linked it to his work the minute he sent it to a colleague and during work hours.

SandyWaves · 03/12/2023 11:34

AchillesHeel23 · 03/12/2023 09:45

I would message him to take it down first & tell him if he doesn't you'll be taking it further.
if he just remove it would you be happy to let it go without further action?

This

AND also ask him to post an apology

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 03/12/2023 11:34

He could be in breach of the company's social media policy, he's and he's bringing the company into disrepute

I had to remove a twitter post about masks during the pandemic because it wasn't in line with my employer's stance. Good companies take this stuff VERY seriously.

balmysummerevening · 03/12/2023 11:35

100% DO IT. Unless bullies like this wanker get consequences for their actions, they'll never change. Fck him.

MrsRetriever · 03/12/2023 11:36

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

Might make him think twice about pulling this sort of stunt, tbh. Arseholes deserve what they get.

mangochops · 03/12/2023 11:37

Who cares if he loses his job? - its really not that difficult to not take photos of random people and mock them online, I manage not to do that daily and never have. Actions have consequences.

Myfabby · 03/12/2023 11:39

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 11:23

When my partner told me I sent this man a message on messenger saying I hope he felt good about taking a picture of me walking my dog and what a twat he was. He then replied to my partner and not me! We have the message he sent my partner basically saying “what’s the fuss about? Snapchat was sent as a joke” and was telling my partner to “sort it out” - so he’s admitted he sent something which caused upset - my partner is going to address it and as I’ve said - he showed me because it had upset him and he didn’t want anyone else to say something. I don’t want to send the exact wording but it was a play on the hot or not thing, it went “hot or not? No fat, ….. and ….” Commenting on my looks and age.

I have no idea why he sent this to my partner or how he thought it would be received - or who else he’s sent it to - I was so angry I said to my partner I was going to contact the head office and complain and he said “do it”, he is also going to speak to someone about it.

i am going to talk to my partner about it later, I wasn’t sure I was over reacting and I’m too embarrassed to talk to any of my friends in real life about this.

i don’t know why I am worried about outing him, if he saw this he would see that the general consensus is he is a nasty piece of work.

Edited

He's a disgusting disrespectful man. I'd report him.

sorry OP.

Original poster
Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 11:40

The company are in the CCS so I will have a look at that previous link.

OP posts:
BrokenBonesStixStones · 03/12/2023 11:40

I’m so sorry OP, how awful! Your poor thing, please take no heed of this vile man! And 100% report him xx

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 11:42

@GuinnessBird I'm not saying the bloke shouldn't be reported. I don't have to twist myself in knots to think plenty of men would not pass this sort of thing on to their partner as they'd know it would upset them, and most likely unnecessarily as they would never have found out about it otherwise.

This isn't to say I don't also think the bloke is awful and should be reported. The OP's partner could even have reported it himself without saying anything to her at all. and upsetting her.

billy1966 · 03/12/2023 11:43

Yes, I absolutely would.

He is a nasty disgrace and abusive on company time.

I wouldn't care a hoot about his job.

100% on him.

Why should you or any other woman have to put up with this whilst out in public.

I have zero tolerance for this.

Scorched earth would be my position.

I would check with 101 as to your position and inform the company you have made a complaint.

I would hope he gets into enormous trouble and if he gets fire, serves him right.

Any decent company would escort him off their property.

Far too many people think behaviour like this has to be borne.

It does not.

Absolute scorched earth is my view.

Namechange666 · 03/12/2023 11:43

Do it, you reap what you sow. Nasty, cowardly bully.

MargotBlobby · 03/12/2023 11:44

billy1966 · 03/12/2023 11:43

Yes, I absolutely would.

He is a nasty disgrace and abusive on company time.

I wouldn't care a hoot about his job.

100% on him.

Why should you or any other woman have to put up with this whilst out in public.

I have zero tolerance for this.

Scorched earth would be my position.

I would check with 101 as to your position and inform the company you have made a complaint.

I would hope he gets into enormous trouble and if he gets fire, serves him right.

Any decent company would escort him off their property.

Far too many people think behaviour like this has to be borne.

It does not.

Absolute scorched earth is my view.

100% all of this. Reap what you sow.

balmysummerevening · 03/12/2023 11:45

He is a nasty disgrace and abusive on company time

Absolutely. I wouldnt want someone working for me who did this kind of thing and I would want to know if they did. I run a company and it reflects terribly on me as a result. This is a business I have built up from scratch, someone doing this could ruin the reputation I've worked really hard to build up.

YouJustDoYou · 03/12/2023 11:45

I fucking HATE these type of men. Fuck him, fucking prick.

YouJustDoYou · 03/12/2023 11:45

Scorch the earth, and salt what's left behind. That fucker deserves everything that's coming to him.

Zanatdy · 03/12/2023 11:45

Disgusting behaviour, I’d report too