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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

647 replies

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 09:38

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

OP posts:
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LittleMissSunshiner · 03/12/2023 12:15

TheaBrandt · 03/12/2023 11:26

It’s not only misogynistic it’s workplace bullying of the husband

Yes, this. It is bullying of the husband and also it would be no doubt expected the husband wouldn't share this information with his wife and have to try and cope alone with a thuggish colleague who is photographing his partner and making vile remarks. These issues may or may not be within the parameters of any criminal or civil law but the reality of it is that it's just horrible, hateful, nasty stuff.

No doubt the offending colleague will say oh gosh I was just joking and no offence was intended - it's just that I saw X's missus in a disheveled state and it made me laugh - and even that could be the truth, it would depend on the nuances of the existing relationship and whether these two have a pre-existing high level of banter.

PrinceYakimov · 03/12/2023 12:16

As others have pointed out there's no right to not be photographed in public places. Your partner should take it up with the company though, because he and you shouldn't be exposed to insulting behaviour from his colleagues. No company can function with employees behaving like this to each other - it's completely out of order.

FourteenTog · 03/12/2023 12:17

@Annoyedofnorfolk maybe don't message him directly in case he turns it around and accuses you of harassing him or something. I'm tremendously sorry this happened to you and to your other half (who deserves a respectful workplace). It's not at all the same for an individual to take a targeted picture as for random images to be picked up by CCTV etc. The intentionality makes it so, so bad.

Penguinsmum · 03/12/2023 12:17

I am so angry on your behalf! Definitely report this to the company. Let the disgusting piece of of shit deal with the consequences. We are all right behind you.

MimiSunshine · 03/12/2023 12:18

100% report him. He had the opportunity to apologise and back track when confronted. He didn’t, he chose to make it worse.

quite frankly if you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes. So if he loses his job, that’s on him, not you.

why is it always women who are expected to think of others when men get away with this shit?

if it makes you feel better OP, when you complain, you can say you’re not expecting him to lose his job over it but you would like to know that this is taken seriously and he’s moved to a different site.

Lessboozy · 03/12/2023 12:20

Haven't rtft but no, you don't have a right to privacy in a public place. Anyone can take photos of people, children included, in public places and stay within the law.

However the abuse that came with it might be viewed as malicious communications and if you feel so inclined, you could speak to the police about that.

Desolatewardrobe · 03/12/2023 12:21

He’s a bully. Of you and your husband. He deserves consequences and I’d bet a large sum of money that he has behaved like this many times.

pleasehelpwi3 · 03/12/2023 12:22

It's not illegal but it is immoral.
This happened in my school recently to a colleague, and this was the legal advice he received.

HaddawayAndShite · 03/12/2023 12:22

Viviennemary · 03/12/2023 11:57

No I don't think he should have taken the photograph. But it would be mean and nasty to report him to his employers IMHO. It's a disproportionate reaction to a silly not very kind prank.

Can you just change the first part of your name to contrary and make it obvious you’re only here to be a goady nob?

CwmYoy · 03/12/2023 12:23

Of course you must report the prick. I hope they sack him.

billy1966 · 03/12/2023 12:24

OP, the state of you is NO one's business but yours alone.

There is far too much tolerance of vile shaming of the appearance of women going about minding their own business.

I would specifically mention this man "making me feel UNSAFE in MY home and MY neighbourhood and I have logged this incident with the police. I would be deeply concerned about what other filming he is doing of women in the area and the affect such abusive behaviour might have on them."

Scorched fxxking earth is the only way to go.

It really is hard to overstate the seriousness of his actions.

So sorry for both you and your partner having to deal with such bullshit on a sunday morning.

MasterBeth · 03/12/2023 12:24

Myfabby · 03/12/2023 12:04

It matters not what you looked like. He has no right to send such a vile message to your partner about you.

Show quote history

Here's the thing: he does have the right to do this.

But just because he has the right to do it, doesn't mean that there can be no consequences if he does. And companies, institutions and individuals are pefectly within their rights to say "we will not tolerate this within the areas that we have influence over." It's certainly a misconduct offence within a work environment.

Itham · 03/12/2023 12:26

Telling your partner to 'sort it out' has given me the rage.

Insulting a nurse is punishable by imprisonment in my book.

lljkk · 03/12/2023 12:26

This reply has been deleted

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Blondebutnotlegally · 03/12/2023 12:27

Viviennemary · 03/12/2023 11:57

No I don't think he should have taken the photograph. But it would be mean and nasty to report him to his employers IMHO. It's a disproportionate reaction to a silly not very kind prank.

Silly and not very kind pranks? I think you underestimate the power of words. Someone once told me I had a wonky nose 15 years ago and I hate my face ever since

FourteenTog · 03/12/2023 12:27

pleasehelpwi3 · 03/12/2023 12:22

It's not illegal but it is immoral.
This happened in my school recently to a colleague, and this was the legal advice he received.

Respectfully, an all-adult workplace that's also a public site is different from a school

Sallyh87 · 03/12/2023 12:27

I am someone who generally tries to ignore any nastiness or pathetic people like him. I don’t like to acknowledge it! However, yes try to take him down.

Report it as a member of the public to the company and your partner should make a complaint about his bullying.

What a disgrace of a human being!

Saytheyhear · 03/12/2023 12:29

Welcome to the world that children grow in these days. Photographs taken of them taken without their consent and shared with strangers. Anything goes; first poo to crying to the point of tantrum. First bike ride to first boyfriend. Schools film them and send their every moment to all the mums and dad's.
And in addition group WhatsApp talk in detail about them negatively and most little children can't read, consent so in a decade or two lots of strangers will know all their lives.
And what do mums and dad's say? It's cute, I didn't mean harm, I need a place to vent, get over it etc.
Then wonder why children become adults who are happy to film their relationship fall out and go on telly programs which document their sexual encounters.
Your feelings on a photo taken of you matter.

Thebestwaytoscareatory · 03/12/2023 12:30

SomeCatFromJapan · 03/12/2023 10:13

The taking a photo of you in public isn't against any law, however sending an unpleasant message to a colleague on company time would likely get him into lots of trouble if reported.
I honestly don't know what is wrong with some people.

Must admit I'm wonder why he'd send it to the OPs painter. Either they don't get on at all and the guy is trying to bully him or the OPs partner has taken part in similar behaviour (either directly or passively) and the guy did genuinely think this was a continuation of their "banter".

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 03/12/2023 12:31

This reply has been deleted

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WTF? a woman going about her lawful business has a photo taken of her and posted to her OH with deeply unpleasant comments and SHE'S the one at fault for wanting some comeback to the Neanderthal twat??

Sceptre86 · 03/12/2023 12:31

I would do it. Even if all he gets is a slap on the wrist maybe the arse will think twice.

ManagedMove · 03/12/2023 12:31

Do it. What an arsehole.

ThriceInALifetime · 03/12/2023 12:32

Yes should definitely report it. How dare he. The message needs to be sent to these pr!cks this us not acceptable.

I was walking about a public area whilst my DC was at a swimming lesson- a bunch of male teenagers walked past me making derogatory comments. Along the line of one saying to the other, there's a girlfriend for you, using other words for a woman and all laughing.
I was absolutely furious and saying what did you say, how dare you speak to me like that etc. They were laughing but then ran off, cowards.
I was thinking, is this what my teenager daughter has to put up with.
Also there were people walking by, only one person asked if I was okay, the ar*eholes had ran off by then.
I was tempted to inform the police but didn't, if happened again think I would.

FourteenTog · 03/12/2023 12:33

Viviennemary · 03/12/2023 11:57

No I don't think he should have taken the photograph. But it would be mean and nasty to report him to his employers IMHO. It's a disproportionate reaction to a silly not very kind prank.

If you are an underage poster, please be reassured that no, it is right and good to bring things into the open... NOT to keep secrets in order to protect someone who may be treating others badly, too. If you are a mature poster, please think of the safeguarding implications of the don't be a snitch attitude to bullying.

Unitedthebest · 03/12/2023 12:34

Are you serious? So people can behave like vile nasty idiots and it’s ok? Wow-you are part of the problem

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