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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

647 replies

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 09:38

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

OP posts:
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5
Dillydollydingdong · 04/12/2023 19:52

Oh get a grip FFS! There are more important things in the world to get angry about, surely? Anyway the company won't be interested, as this all took place off company premises.

MargotBamborough · 04/12/2023 19:53

Dillydollydingdong · 04/12/2023 19:52

Oh get a grip FFS! There are more important things in the world to get angry about, surely? Anyway the company won't be interested, as this all took place off company premises.

Major reading comprehension fail there. It literally says in the OP that he did this whilst at work.

Peablockfeathers · 04/12/2023 19:54

Dillydollydingdong · 04/12/2023 19:52

Oh get a grip FFS! There are more important things in the world to get angry about, surely? Anyway the company won't be interested, as this all took place off company premises.

No it didn't he took the picture from his place of work for a start. Secondly by that logic does it mean no one can get annoyed about anything bar those experiencing the very worst of the world? Sad.

minny80 · 04/12/2023 19:55

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 19:38

"Banned on social media" what do you mean? the OP doesnt have the power to stop him posting on multiple social media sites over something like this, it is obviously some sort of wind up from someone with little imagination thats all.

Show quote history

Perhaps he won't get banned, but the OP can report the picture and the post to social media. And maybe if they have been already reported they could get banned.
He has no right to post picture of people with derogative comments, and I am sure many social media won't allow harassment content.

MatineeLaughs · 04/12/2023 19:56

Report this prick and stop second guessing yourself.

Missingpop · 04/12/2023 19:57

You have every right to complain; who the hell does he think he is taking photos of you then make shitty comments; he’s done this to you & he works with your Dh; my question is who else is he doing it too? The young mums walking the kiddies to school? The young girls walking to school? He’s thrown the pebble in the pond now he’s got to ride the ripples.

Andthereyougo · 04/12/2023 20:03

Definitely report to his company. If he’s disciplined/ sacked that’s 100% on him.
Since when did we have to dress up to suit men when dog walking ( or indeed doing anything) ffs? Misogynistic twat.

Thelnebriati · 04/12/2023 20:06

Dillydollydingdong
Oh get a grip FFS! There are more important things in the world to get angry about, surely?

Why do you accept such low standards for men? How bad does their behaviour have to get before you think its OK to call it out?

Panaa · 04/12/2023 20:07

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 04/12/2023 19:45

While I think it was shitty thing to do, how is it bringing the company into disrepute?

Some of the reactions on this thread are really OTT. He was nasty, end of, people like that are just better off being ignored.

Show quote history

Of course it is bringing the company into disrepute.

Some people are not going to hire a construction company if some of the workers are known to be absolute cunts upsetting the locals.

ThePoshUns · 04/12/2023 20:08

I hope you did submit a complaint OP. Appalling behaviour. I'd be fuming.

CaroleSinger · 04/12/2023 20:15

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 21:49

@CaroleSinger

What harm have you suffered as a result of the picture being published? Any financial loss or provable emotional distress?

what harm? Really? Do you mean humiliation, embarrassment, distress, upset, tears, changing the route I walk my dog, the impact on me and my partner, my self esteem being chipped away, feeling that I can’t walk around my neighbourhood without being denigrated, as another poster said - those words will be in my head for months to come - I don’t even know this man, I’ve never even spoken to him - yet he feels he can say such hateful things about me - that harm do you mean?

Edited

No. I meant something that was actually provable in court, which is what you would need for libel. Otherwise it just looks like it's being blown out of proportion a tad. Take the emotion out it and stick with facts. Have you suffered any provable emotional distress was my question. Emphasis on the provable bit. Without that you are unlikely to see any meaningful recompense.

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 20:15

minny80 · 04/12/2023 19:55

Perhaps he won't get banned, but the OP can report the picture and the post to social media. And maybe if they have been already reported they could get banned.
He has no right to post picture of people with derogative comments, and I am sure many social media won't allow harassment content.

Show quote history

Have you seen the clips of people fighting on London trains over not being able to get the seat they booked or some other trivial B.S, "Junkies" in Glasgow etc. making absolute plonkers of themselves and scuffling with other "junkies" over begging pitches etc., racist comments, people telling others not to vape, not to use phones, not to talk loud etc. etc All filmed by someone, but it is never the person filming that the police investigate it is always the people filmed, in case they may have "committed an offence", the internet is full of pictures and video of people with derogative comments about them, there is absolutely no point in the OP making a fool of themselves trying to get this muppet sanctioned, it is going to go nowhere IMO.

LuluBlakey1 · 04/12/2023 20:16

SharSharBinks · 04/12/2023 00:29

All this talk of stalking and calling the police is nuts. It's clearly just a laddish pisstake of "look at the state of your missus this morning".

Pretty grim and I understand why some would report it to the company but honestly I'd rather the police spent their time on serious crime than protecting people's hurt pride. This guy isn't about to start stalking OP.

'laddish pisstake' - euphemism for 'shitty sexist men belittling women and passing it off as 'banta' ' if anyone dares to complain.

clpsmum · 04/12/2023 20:22

Ploctopus · 03/12/2023 09:39

I would do it tbh. He was being a little shit and he should face consequences.

I would

LuluBlakey1 · 04/12/2023 20:22

Panaa · 04/12/2023 20:07

Of course it is bringing the company into disrepute.

Some people are not going to hire a construction company if some of the workers are known to be absolute cunts upsetting the locals.

Show quote history

He is their employee and while they are paying him to be at work he is taking photos of passing women, posting them on social media, belittling them to their partner and whoever else, commenting on how physically.sexually unattractive they are - all on company time whilst he is in a workplace. He is associated with the company and no doubt breaking a whole series of policies and practices. When his behaviour is known and the company named- I would say that brings the company into disrepute. If they don't take action they condone his behaviour. I expect they would find it totally unacceptable.

Original poster
Annoyedofnorfolk · 04/12/2023 20:30

My Partner spoke to them this morning, they said it was unacceptable and told him to ask me to email in, which I did - they almost immediately got back to me, said they are sorry this happened to me and said they will investigate my concerns and get back to me.

OP posts:
minny80 · 04/12/2023 20:31

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 20:15

Have you seen the clips of people fighting on London trains over not being able to get the seat they booked or some other trivial B.S, "Junkies" in Glasgow etc. making absolute plonkers of themselves and scuffling with other "junkies" over begging pitches etc., racist comments, people telling others not to vape, not to use phones, not to talk loud etc. etc All filmed by someone, but it is never the person filming that the police investigate it is always the people filmed, in case they may have "committed an offence", the internet is full of pictures and video of people with derogative comments about them, there is absolutely no point in the OP making a fool of themselves trying to get this muppet sanctioned, it is going to go nowhere IMO.

Show quote history

I totally disagree there is no point, the OP stated it's not just a picture but also a derogatory message. And why would the OP make a fool of themselves by trying to report them? You have an opinion, accept other people's opinion might differ without too much judgement.

leamington66 · 04/12/2023 20:35

If the photo was taken when the individual taking it is being paid/at work then GDPR applies and the company carries a liability. The individual being photographed has a right to know why the photo was taken and how it is being used.
GDPR does not apply to a private individual taking photos on their own equipment, ie when not at work.

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 20:35

LuluBlakey1 · 04/12/2023 20:16

'laddish pisstake' - euphemism for 'shitty sexist men belittling women and passing it off as 'banta' ' if anyone dares to complain.

Show quote history

Have you eavesdropped on any hen nights recently, what is the term for the shite they talk? The problem with the Rabbit Hole that we are in at the moment regarding how people talk about each other is that everyone gets pulled down and everyone is going to be dirty at some point or another.

Original poster
Annoyedofnorfolk · 04/12/2023 20:37

My aim isn’t to get him sanctioned or to call the police, etc - I just don’t want him continuing to be based practically outside my front door and for him to be told that this misogynistic behaviour is unacceptable. Women are allowed to have boundaries - some posters here are almost tying themselves in knots to blame me or my partner for someone else’s uninvited and unwarranted actions!

OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 04/12/2023 20:37

So glad you reported it op.

Hope you are OK

Rightsraptor · 04/12/2023 20:37

Why do men think they can get away with stuff by claiming it was 'a joke'? A joke is funny, humorous, makes you laugh. Some men just misuse the word to excuse their bitchiness and nastiness.

Original poster
Annoyedofnorfolk · 04/12/2023 20:40

For this asking why it is a work matter - I would think it’s obvious that if he is on the company clock, in a company vehicle, wearing clothes advertising the company that means that he is a representative of that company.

OP posts:
Nomum1980 · 04/12/2023 20:42

I’d be fuming 😡 he was out of order and completely in the wrong, similar situation happened to me where on a work night out a photo of me was taken and it was very unflattering as I didn’t know the photo was actually being taken and a so called friend showed it everyone and refused to delete it, I found the situation embarrassing and hurtful and I sympathise with how hurt you must be feeling x

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 20:45

leamington66 · 04/12/2023 20:35

If the photo was taken when the individual taking it is being paid/at work then GDPR applies and the company carries a liability. The individual being photographed has a right to know why the photo was taken and how it is being used.
GDPR does not apply to a private individual taking photos on their own equipment, ie when not at work.

If taken on their own personal phone the company doesnt have the right to demand to investigate that phone, only the police/courts could do that, and it would be for serious crime not absolute nonsense between individuals that are known to each other, the company might say "stop using your phone on our time (if we could even prove that you used your phone which we cant because we cant legally access your phone!)" and the threat of sanction might get the individual to think twice next time, but obviously he is from the school of thinking that thinks saying "Hey, your Missus looks fat today mate!" is funny, why waste energy on this kind of bollocks? the guy is obviously just another tool who doesnt have much self awareness or care for other people`s feelings.