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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

647 replies

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 09:38

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
tolerable · 04/12/2023 18:37

tbh your husband should have reported it immediately.
Thats completely awful thing to do.

SueSpeaksTheTruth · 04/12/2023 18:40

Absolutely report him. If I were you I'd go even further and report it to the police.

FairfaxAikmann · 04/12/2023 18:44

You don't have a right to privacy in a public place and anyone can take your picture.

But sending it to others with shitty comments is out of line.

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 18:47

FairfaxAikmann · 04/12/2023 18:44

You don't have a right to privacy in a public place and anyone can take your picture.

But sending it to others with shitty comments is out of line.

That`s right, you can be photographed in a public place, nothing you can do about that, guy sounds like a total dick though, I would sneak onto the site at night and take a dump near to where he has his tea break.

electriclight · 04/12/2023 18:49

SueSpeaksTheTruth · 04/12/2023 18:40

Absolutely report him. If I were you I'd go even further and report it to the police.

Edited

It's not illegal to take a photo of someone in a public place. The police won't be interested and are hopefully solving real crime instead. His employer may take it seriously but since the photo no longer exists, it'll probably depend on what he admits to.

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 18:49

SueSpeaksTheTruth · 04/12/2023 18:40

Absolutely report him. If I were you I'd go even further and report it to the police.

Edited

Police will do nothing, they have better things to do than chase up idiots on social media, if he had made threats or said hate speech or whatever that would be different, I suspect the guy knows this, he sounds like a total womble, I would actually just ignore him.

SallySunrise · 04/12/2023 18:51

Go for it. Nasty prick needs to learn that actions have consequences.

waytooearlyforthis · 04/12/2023 18:53

As horrible as it sounds, it is not a crime to take a photo of someone in the street aka a public place. The message might not be very nice but don't think police will care. Employer may do but it's not certain.

EmmaEmerald · 04/12/2023 18:55

OP "He says if he says anything he will just say “oh but it was a joke”.
He’s not sure what he will do - he doesn’t perceive it as bullying"

I agree with you complaining to the company.

but I'm a bit confused about your partner's stance. Perhaps he doesn't think it fits bullying but does he think it's acceptable that his co-worker did that as "a joke"?

redfacebigdisgrace · 04/12/2023 18:58

God what a horrible man. I would definitely send an email and complain. These misogynists need telling. Don’t listen to people telling you otherwise. So what if he loses his job, he shouldn’t be such a creepy pig. Oh and I scrub up pretty well but look a shocker when I take the dog out in my specs and fleece first thing , so what! Don’t take it to heart.

Panaa · 04/12/2023 18:59

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

I disagree that it's disproportionate.
What he did could have a huge impact on a person, more so than even losing their job.

NannyChirley · 04/12/2023 19:02

What an arsehole! But unfortunately I don’t believe there is much you can do; he took the photo so he owns the copyright. You was in a public place so no breaches that I am aware of and he put it on his profile. Misogyny is not a crime as yet in England although it’s being debated. You should ask him to remove it, friendly and formally, complain on social media, get everyone of your friends to do the same …. But don’t hold your breathe. I had an incident whereby someone put a false statement on their website, it was lies. I reported it to the ICO, they sent 3 warning letters advising they remove it immediately. They ignored the ICO the governing body. I paid £900 for a legal letter to be sent advising I will sue … They ignored it. I contacted Google, yahoo, Microsoft etc and legally requested it be removed from the search engines. They all obliged except Google, as they did not feel it breached their policy. 17,000 people viewed the post saying I had been declared bankrupt. I am a successful business woman. I could have sued but what’s the point? They ignored everything legal fired at them. It’s still on their website 11 years later

agent765 · 04/12/2023 19:03

I hope you report it, OP.

Unfortunately, there's always one man working in a male-oriented environment who behaves like this. He's probably trying to get one over your DP for some reason only he knows.

I've worked with lots of men and seen it many times. However, times have changed and it needs calling out and stopping.

It'll only stop if everyone stands against it. From your DP's point of view at work it may get worse before it gets better.

Bernardmanning · 04/12/2023 19:08

Ignore some of the critical unpleasant comments here OP. The other day I asked for some advice on a will involving my father and brother whom are both terminally I'll. One person in particular relentlessly trolled me. Others accused me of lying. That was in response to a serious but sad question that I had posed. Some people are just wankers I am afraid! But the good far outnumber the bad.

My guess is that he posted this as an extremely poor joke to try and tease your husband. Basically I reckon that, as he'd never met you, he was pretending that he had no idea who you were, so was trying to wind your husband up into responding. If he'd actually given it any thought, he would have realised that it was simply not funny, liable to cause offence and was bullying. If he'd profusely apologised, that would be a different matter, but he didn't, so doesn't deserve any mercy.

vernatheraven · 04/12/2023 19:09

Hope your ok op x

Twilight7777 · 04/12/2023 19:12

I’m also surprised by your DH reaction, I thought he’d be going after the guy and reporting it himself.

Yrpeoplesoannoying · 04/12/2023 19:17

Ploctopus · 03/12/2023 09:39

I would do it tbh. He was being a little shit and he should face consequences.

This!!! 💯

minny80 · 04/12/2023 19:17

Complain to the company and also get him banned on social media for good measure. Some people are absolutely nasty arrogant piece of work. Unbelievable

tachetastic · 04/12/2023 19:20

It's the personal comments that get me. If he had sent a pic to your partner and said "guess who I saw walking your dog at an ungodly hour - you should take her out to dinner to say thank you" then it would have had a different feel to it.

If you think the company is the type that will give him a stern talking to then I would send the email as he's clearly a vile person. If you think they're the type that might sack him then I might think twice, as even vile people have kids to feed.

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2023 19:24

Hmmm maybe I'm reading too much into this but the fact your DH is backtracking a bit...could it be he schemed with his work colleague to make you feel insecure..like negging? Not sure to what end though..

Mumbeline · 04/12/2023 19:33

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CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 19:38

minny80 · 04/12/2023 19:17

Complain to the company and also get him banned on social media for good measure. Some people are absolutely nasty arrogant piece of work. Unbelievable

"Banned on social media" what do you mean? the OP doesnt have the power to stop him posting on multiple social media sites over something like this, it is obviously some sort of wind up from someone with little imagination thats all.

FourteenTog · 04/12/2023 19:42

I wonder what jobs the people have, who think it is ok to use work time and equipment maliciously. And how long they'll have them.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 04/12/2023 19:45

MargotBamborough · 03/12/2023 09:49

Why? There are probably unemployed people out there who could do his job just as well and without bringing the company into disrepute and who aren't abusive arseholes.

Show quote history

While I think it was shitty thing to do, how is it bringing the company into disrepute?

Some of the reactions on this thread are really OTT. He was nasty, end of, people like that are just better off being ignored.

MargotBamborough · 04/12/2023 19:50

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 04/12/2023 19:45

While I think it was shitty thing to do, how is it bringing the company into disrepute?

Some of the reactions on this thread are really OTT. He was nasty, end of, people like that are just better off being ignored.

Show quote history

Are you serious right now?

On work time, whilst being paid by his employer, on a site that they manage, he is taking photos of women just going about their business and sending abusive messages to his work colleagues. It certainly reflects poorly on the company that he is doing this whilst working for them, and even more so if they are aware of it and don't do anything about it.

What about if he were yelling, "Get yer tits out!" at groups of schoolgirls walking past the site?

Would that reflect poorly on the company?

What's the difference?

It is absolutely not better to ignore these people, because that is how they get away with it. If there are no consequences for him, he'll continue to get his sick little dopamine hit every time he humiliates a woman. Men like this are scum and deserve to be sacked.

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