AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

[Annoyedofnorfolk]

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

well on this thread i’m with the overwhelming majority - tell his employer

and you?

It is a good post

It’s also why the CCS sounds like a good scheme. Any woman might feel as the op does and not sure whether to report.

It’s good that an underperforming sector (in terms of public interaction) has companies who have signed up. This means harassment can be looked in to

That poster is curiously overinvested in this thread. There's a pattern to this, as there is with many of the posters who fall over themselves to excuse abusive, harassing, misogynistic men. They make a beeline for any and every thread in which women dare to complain about this, or seek advice on what to do about it.

On this site they are ten-a-penny to the extent that it's now white noise.

OP report him to the police for harassment, andd his employer for use if company vehicle/time to harass you. It’s a criminal offence and also a breach of his employment contract.

And ignore all the misogynistic trolls on this thread. Because of Mumsnet’s refusal to silence gender critical women and the site’s support for women trying to leave violent men, this site is now absolutely crawling with men pretending to be women so that they can upset vulnerable women.

Excellent post.

My friends daughter got into a taxi pissed years ago, and the driver was inappropriate with her, put his hand on her leg, tried to kiss her. She got out of the car and ran in to her house. Her mother was very upset because she was being increasingly reckless with her safety. They reported it to the police, just his name, what happened, nothing formal.
Three years later he seriously sexually assaulted a woman and the police came back to her and she was asked for a statement. One other woman had unofficially reported him too. The police thought they had a good case. Covid happened so I have no idea of the outcome.

Two years ago my son, during Covid, was cycling to his job and he must have annoyed a driver. The driver came up beside him and actually tried to jam him into the path of an oncoming bus. He got the most awful fright. He absolutely could have been killed. I reported it and the police were excellent. They said this type of behaviour is NEVER a one off and every report invariably creates a pattern of behaviour for the police to build a picture with. Fortunately it was daytime and a main road with camera coverage.

I was so angry I said to my partner I was going to contact the head office and complain and he said “do it”, he is also going to speak to someone about it

Then definitely complain. Your partner is the one who works with this arsehole and he has no qualms about complaining, so there is zero reason that you shouldn't.

FWIW unless he does this all the time, I doubt he'll be sacked; he'll more likely get a warning. So you're not likely to be responsible for his wife and kids starving at Christmas.

@SerafinasGoose Thanks for your observations this morning. As a relative newbie/infrequent poster, I was surprised by the persistence of some of the convoluted nonsense. And @RantyAnty was spot on.

Now fine-tuning my radar. Have a good day, everyone.

Excellent post.

I would also think that the majority of men would find his actions absolutely awful, certainly those that populate my life.

I'm pretty sure this falls foul of the malicious communications act. I'd recommend reading up on it and quote it if necessary in the email to his company.

Meh. He threatened it himself with his own behaviour. I don’t think it’s now OP’s responsibility to “be kind” and consider how he will pay his bills if he loses his job.

Only on MN are you responsible for the livelihood of a prick photographing you and mocking you when you are out and about in public minding your own business.🙄

Meanwhile in the real world most women would push can very hard with a scorched earth complaint and not give a damn if he loses his job.

Please come back and let us know what happened after you called them op.

It should be done as a Subject Access Request and find out where else it was sent.

Misogyny isn't a hate crime.
Taking a photo of someone in a public place is legal.
He is a twat.

Report him - Wolf whistling was barred from building sites years ago, this form of harassment will fall into same category so I’m sure his employers will take a dim view of his behaviour and, at the very least he’ll get a reprimand, and you will feel better having taught this cretin a lesson.

Women not wanting to make a fuss by "overreacting" is exactly how men get away with misogyny and sexual assault.

I wouldn't be overly happy about the photo if it was taken when I looked an absolute mess, however if it only got sent to my partner, I suppose I'd put up with it. If it was posted on fb or similar, without my consent, I'd be cross. The vile comments that he made would really make me mad - how dare he be rude about you?!!!! For the comments alone, though, I'd report him. He sounds like a nasty, rude, ignorant piece of sh*t, and should be taught that such behaviour is totally unacceptable.

Definitely report it. It might not change what he did to you, but might stop him from doing it to someone else.

Definitely email the company make him feel uncomfortable like he did you xxx

I believe that some companies take things like this very seriously - wasn't there something about the catcalling and wolf whistling from building sites to women as they walked past that sparked it off? This time you have hard proof that what he did was on the company dime and offensive so I'd be calling them for a polite discussion and seeing what they say.

He misbehaved and was an asshole but he appologised. What do you expect to get móre out of this by filing a complaint? ?

He didn't apologise. He doubled down. It's there in black and white in the OP's updates.

His conduct is inexcusable and should be reported to his employer. After that it's for them to deal with him as they see fit. Fire him, hopefully.

Report

What a horrible thing to do. Definitely report him. You’re right, as soon as bullies are called out “it’s only banter/joke” comes out. It’s only a joke if both parties are laughing and they are not.

You think I he made a sincere apology?.
He sounds like a knobhead who could do with being called out