AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

[Annoyedofnorfolk]

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

There are many skilled trades who wouldn’t dream of doing something so utterly dim as to insult people like this.
It’s brain numbingly inane, and it IS a form of bullying.

Taking a photo and posting it with unpleasant comments on someone’s partner, it depends what’s said I’d guess in the employer’s handbook (with HR rules etc). As it relates to his colleague’s partner and not his colleague I’m guessing he might not be disciplined over that and also sexist and misogynistic comments, if it relates to his colleague’s partner same as before. But I’m sure they have policies around social media usage and most companies wouldn’t find this funny especially as it’s on company time and premises. If it were off company time and premises it may be a grey area.

This should be reported either way, this man needs to realise his actions have consequences.

To expand on my previous point (because no doubt people will think I'm minimising) I do believe that there are some discussions that are best not shared.

To look at it from another perspective, women tend to share a lot more with their friends than men do in terms of their relationships/emotions. Some men will brag about their sexual prowess but none will ever admit to suffering erectile dysfunction, for example. Same with things like depression etc which is a big part of why men don't deal with these things well.

So a woman discussing her relationship issues with a friend is arguably OK, depending on your viewpoint, but imagine if said friend then told the husband "Katie's been discussing your erectile dysfunction issues with us". No doubt a large majority of men would feel angry and insecure about this.

So, I do think both sexes do interact very differently at times and sometimes these interactions are best not shared. Of course, the perpetrator may also just be a vile little shit but I've also seen a lot of examples of jokes that would not fare well if shared. Like the one guy who is always ribbed by his friends for being a 'chubby chaser' as he seems to exclusively prefer overweight women. He laughs and gives back as good as he gets (and never denies that he likes bigger women) but no doubt his partner would be mortified if she were she to find out.

On the other hand, some couples share everything and that's also fine. However, if we're honest I'd wager that a lot of us wouldn't want our partners to be privy to every single thing we discuss with our girlfriends - previous partners, our relationship worries, sexual issues, etc.

Horrible man! I'd lay bets he is an inadequate repulsive jerk. In

But equally a lot of builders would've just said "piss off, at least I like women/can get a girlfriend" and would've moved on.

Certainly report him, but don't rely on a right to privacy. When you're walking in a public area, people are free to take photos of you - you've probably appeared in the background of countless people's holiday photos. Base your complaint of the fact that he did all of this in his employers' time and was doing it in order to harass and bully you, and that he's clearly misogynist

Report. Exactly the kind of man that takes photos of teenage girls, creepy and immature. Hopefully he'll learn something.

He's an arse and the 'talk to your DW' comment would make me angry. Does he send photos of random women all the time or did he know who you were? What is the dynamic like between him and your DH? Because if he knew who you were, this says much more about his dynamic with your DH than what he thinks about you iyswim.
I'd have a chat with DH before reporting. Make sure he's not been party to other photos of other women and is only complaining because it's you. Check he hasn't done anything that this man can report him for. If your DH is confident on all those counts and happy to face any backlash at work from his colleagues, then yy report the photo-taker.

Ditto.

He was nasty about you and deserves whatever comes his way. When he bitches about receiving dome consequences tell him to suck it up: it was a joke.

Let's be honest, he's not going to go after OP if he receives consequences. He's going to blame OP's DH because it was her DH who told her about it. And all their colleagues will blame OP's DH too. That's why OP needs to have a conversation with her DH about what the fallout will be because he's going to be facing it every day at work.

I would absolutely report it. Who does he think he is? Clearly thinks he can get away with this sort of thing and he absolutely should not get away with it.

I'd report it. Taking a picture of an unwilling/unknowing subject in a public place (that's not private property) might be distasteful, bit it isn't illegal. However, then sending out the image with abusive messages attached could be construed as harassment or abuse, so... 100% report it.

Hell, I'm the righteous sort, so I'd be logging it with 101 as the start of potential stalking, as well as reporting it to his employers. Only way these fuckers will learn.

Let's see if he find it as funny amusing if he gets reported to his boss then?

in public place people can take photos ,

it's what he did later on is the real issue here

Not reporting because colleagues may give OP’s partner a hard time underestimates men’s capacity for recognising when a line has been crossed, and results in ‘hostage-taking’ twice over by the SnapChat poster.

As long as men keep getting away with it, they'll keep doing it.

His thought process of, oh that's my coworkers z's wife. I'll take a photo of her and make nasty comments on her appearance, and then send it to him, is really fucked up.

Maybe the dh was trying to shine a light on the workplace bullying he is experiencing.

@Yalta by doing bugger all as far as i can tell beyond “not bothered” if the OP pursues

you can’t seriously think this @Allfur

so what are you going to do Op?

You have told him he’s a twat (personally i would not have had any contact with the cretin whatsoever.)

Instead an email, tonight, to the employer (DH will know to best whom) with a. screenshot outlining succinctly how upset you feel about this gross invasion of privacy and how offensive you found it - and all done whilst representing his employer

100% do it @Annoyedofnorfolk Report him. What a vile bastard and what a nasty thing to do to someone. I HATE it when someone takes photographs of me without me knowing it's being taken. DH is a twat for doing this sometimes, when we are on daytrip. We both have a camera, and he occasionally takes a photo of me without me being aware of it, because he likes 'candid' ones of me, and thinks I look 'cute.' I have yet to see a nice photo of me that was taken without my knowledge.

The nit-picking and scrutinizing every detail as has gone on in this thread, is exactly why women don't report.

You can only report on the 2nd Tuesday but only if a, b, and x happened but only if e and f didn't happen.

Add in a super long list of random conditions for reporting or not reporting that need to be met before a women is allowed to do anything at all and even then it can't offend or upset anyone else.

I didn't say OP shouldn't report it. I said she needs an honest conversation with her DH about his own conduct and about the fallout. So none of them are surprised by what happens next.

What is happening this thread is called

"Misogynistic scrutiny"

It refers to the biased, unfair, or hostile examination directed towards women who report incidents of harassment or assault.

This scrutiny often involves questioning the validity of their claims, blaming the victim, and using societal stereotypes or biases to undermine their experiences.

It reflects a systemic issue where cultural attitudes and prejudices contribute to a challenging environment for survivors seeking justice or support.

It's a disproportionate reaction to a silly not very kind prank.

So you would be fine with someone doing such a thing to you?

How can you even consider this silly?

Comments like this show some people haven’t yet matured past primary or were bullies themselves if they consider this just a silly prank.

Report him. If he is doing things like this, who knows what else he is doing on company time or what pictures he has been taking. He’s bold enough to do this to you, there’s a chance he has done this before and who knows how many times.

With the concerns of his family, He should have considered them before doing such behaviour. If I found out my DH was doing sh*t like this, I definitely wouldn’t be blaming you.

Definitely report him. This is the sort of thing that can negatively affect someone’s Mental Health. If this had happened to me, I would be really upset and wouldn’t want to go anywhere near where this dick was working, which is pretty difficult when the worksite is so near to the OP’s home.

Tough if he gets in trouble over this (I hope he does), it’s his own fault, for being a misogynistic dick.

Sure, we don’t know if it’s loaded - woe betide if the OP is seen as legitimate collateral for an ongoing back story between two work colleagues.

But that doesn’t diminish the stand-alone activity of the SnapChat poster. If reported, it’s down to HR to manage responsibly.