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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

647 replies

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 09:38

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

OP posts:
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5
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 03/12/2023 12:57

LaurieStrode · 03/12/2023 12:50

Your partner was an idiot to inform you of this. What was his purpose?

Are people such weaklings they can't keep anything to themselves any longer but must download every thought and occurrence to others?

Well, you can't keep your thoughts to yourself and are giving us the benefit of them so obviously you're a weakling as well.

Anything constructive to add apart from berating the OP for what her partner did?

theDudesmummy · 03/12/2023 12:57

@lljkk WTAF? Talk about scary. Are you for real?

Namechange4234 · 03/12/2023 12:57

GDPR?

AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent
JMSA · 03/12/2023 12:58

What a dick! Angry The lack of respect for you and your partner is staggering.
The only thing I'd be concerned about is revenge. Does he know where you live?
If you and your partner feel there's no risk, I'd absolutely report him.

FloofCloud · 03/12/2023 13:00

What an absolute wanker .., and fancy telling your DH to 'sort it out' cheeky fucker!
He's basically bullying you via your DH, and bullying him too by tying to make you look negative in his eyes. I'll bet the company he works for has some sort of policy about dignity or inappropriate SM messaging .. I'd be calling the HR team tomorrow personally!

SerafinasGoose · 03/12/2023 13:01

balmysummerevening · 03/12/2023 12:08

Completely disagree. Do you know how hard it is to build up a business and how much reputation matters? I would not accept losing business and money (which affects everyone else in the company also, not just him) because some idiot decided to mock someone who has done nothing whatsoever to him. I dont want people like that working for me and potentially ruining something I have worked my arse off to build. It speaks volumes about his character.

Show quote history

Agreed. It also speaks volumes about the characters of those who seem determined to defend the indefensible.

Reporting his repulsive behaviour to his employer is far from disproportionate. On the contrary, it's a moderate response.

FloofCloud · 03/12/2023 13:03

.... and don't forget, if you're a nurse, and mocked a patient by taking a photograph ... an you imagine what the fallout would be!! Same thing - unacceptable and highly inappropriate behaviours

sugarandsweetener · 03/12/2023 13:05

SerafinasGoose · 03/12/2023 13:01

Agreed. It also speaks volumes about the characters of those who seem determined to defend the indefensible.

Reporting his repulsive behaviour to his employer is far from disproportionate. On the contrary, it's a moderate response.

Show quote history

no doubt they’re in relationships with men that they know would do this type of thing

worse still… they know sort of thing their son might do

LaurieStrode · 03/12/2023 13:07

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain

This forum exists for airing thoughts.

OP's husband gained nothing by relating the information to OP and indeed caused her much distress. I ask again, what was his point? Is it an underhanded slam at her appearance?

CaroleSinger · 03/12/2023 13:07

The problem you're going to have is that taking pictures in a Public place is a grey area. Threatening his livelihood does seem a bit of an escalation to someone taking a picture when you weren't looking your best. Your argument is not with the company he works for. Perhaps explore libel if you have lots of money to spend on this. I had a woman ranting at me once because I took a beautiful picture of scenery from a public right of way and posted it online which just happened to have her horse in it. I hadn't actually done anything wrong and had no obligation to remove the picture just because she objected. What harm have you suffered as a result of the picture being published? Any financial loss or provable emotional distress? Libel is such a minefield it's probably best to just accept he's a bit of a cunt and move on to be honest.

SerafinasGoose · 03/12/2023 13:08

ILookLikeAPinkBlancmange · 03/12/2023 12:46

If everyone who did something stupid and unkind lost their job over it, the world would grind to a standstill. I think you should take no action, other than making your opinion clear.

Sexist harassment in any job is impermissible. You can and should be fired for it, albeit it goes on far too often and men (it's invariably men) get away with it far too much. The interests of everyone lie in taking a more robust stance: challenging, reporting, and on the part of the employers, acting on concerns when raised. Women would benefit. Employers would benefit, both reputationally and in terms of having a more productive workforce.

The only people who would stand to lose are the misogynistic men who think harassing women in a derogatory, sexist sense is a-okay.

Sounds like a win to me. Believe it or not, women are not compelled to sit back and tolerate this BS in silence.

Who on earth are the people who seem to feel the need to dish out this sort of 'advice?'

Yalta · 03/12/2023 13:09

*LaurieStrode · Today 12:50

Your partner was an idiot to inform you of this. What was his purpose?

Are people such weaklings they can't keep anything to themselves any longer but must download every thought and occurrence to others?*

Agree that the work colleague is the weakling. Why couldn’t he keep his misogynistic comments and photo to himself.

Maybe the dh was trying to shine a light on the workplace bullying he is experiencing.
Bullying of any kind needs to be brought into the open and a light shone on it

Malificent1 · 03/12/2023 13:10

Report him. What a nasty twat. How “hilarious” of him. Such “bants” 🙄 See if his company agrees.

RantyAnty · 03/12/2023 13:11

I find it sad that it's almost 2024 and so many still don't understand why this is wrong and should be reported.

Psychonabike · 03/12/2023 13:12

@RantyAnty indeed. And who think that the actual issue here is the taking of a photograph in a public space.

StaunchMomma · 03/12/2023 13:13

A prank?!!

FUCK THAT!!

This kind of protection is exactly how mysogyny is allowed to flourish in society. We make excuses for men who act like arseholes and I am DONE with that shit.

He won't be sacked for that, OP - especially as your DH works there. He'll get a bollocking and I hope it's a bloody good one! I hope the twat gets well and truly shamed!

LaurieStrode · 03/12/2023 13:13

Yalta · 03/12/2023 13:09

*LaurieStrode · Today 12:50

Your partner was an idiot to inform you of this. What was his purpose?

Are people such weaklings they can't keep anything to themselves any longer but must download every thought and occurrence to others?*

Agree that the work colleague is the weakling. Why couldn’t he keep his misogynistic comments and photo to himself.

Maybe the dh was trying to shine a light on the workplace bullying he is experiencing.
Bullying of any kind needs to be brought into the open and a light shone on it

Well, DH should have found someone else to confide in. Telling his wife that a colleague was jeering at her is unnecessary, dimwitted and weak.

TerrysNeapolitan · 03/12/2023 13:14

Please report OP THIS BEHAVIOUR IS NOT OK

LindyLou2020 · 03/12/2023 13:14

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

Well, he should have thought of that possible consequence when he did what he did. Taking the photo is one thing, sending it to OP's partner, (and maybe others), on social media, with insulting comments is another matter altogether.
Of course OP should report it, with evidence, to the building company.
Unfortunately, builders aren't renowned for their respect of women, so I truly hope this guy doesn't get away with it.
Whatever happens to him, (if anything), is all on him.

StuartSheehyisBack · 03/12/2023 13:16

OP has already explained her husband told her as he was worried someone else would. It was on snapchat so I expect other followers of the colleague saw it.

She doesnt know the other guy, but he obvs knows her, so it follows that others know her too. I think that is a totally fair reason.

WingingItSince1973 · 03/12/2023 13:17

SurelySmartie · 03/12/2023 10:05

What he sent a picture of you and a nasty comment to your partner? Would he not be worried about how your partner might react? Quite strongly I would have thought, to put it mildly.

I thought the same. Is he an idiot? Risky game to play as he partner could have reacted quite badly. Either way please report him. He is a nasty little bully 😡

CatMadam · 03/12/2023 13:18

Viviennemary · 03/12/2023 11:57

No I don't think he should have taken the photograph. But it would be mean and nasty to report him to his employers IMHO. It's a disproportionate reaction to a silly not very kind prank.

It was ‘mean and nasty’ to take a picture of a woman, share it with others and insult her. He should face the consequences of his actions, not have them dismissed as a ‘silly prank.’

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 13:19

Well, you can't keep your thoughts to yourself and are giving us the benefit of them so obviously you're a weakling as well.

It's a discussion forum, all we're doing is discussing.

Anything constructive to add apart from berating the OP for what her partner did?

No one is berating OP for what her partner did, we think he should not have done that to her. Either he's an absolute wimp or he's embarrassed and trying to control OP's clothes etc himself by sharing it, or both. Either way, he wasn't considering the impact on her of him sharing it with her.

dapsnotplimsolls · 03/12/2023 13:19

Report him, he needs to get the message that this isn't acceptable. How on earth was he expecting your DH to respond?

Random30 · 03/12/2023 13:21

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 10:37

I don’t want to put what he said as it’s outing - it was nasty relating to me personally.

i was on public property but he wasn’t so I think he has to have permission from the landowner he took it from from what I can gather. I am also a resident of the are and the company are a member of a professional organisation so would likely do something - they have a code of conduct re behaviour in site.

It was Snapchat so no screenshot

but is there evidence of him doubling down.

What does he think is the joke? What is funny, that isn’t just insulting.

And in terms of “Get over yourself” you are allowed to say no, you recognize it as a nasty fucker feeling entitled to belittle a work colleague and a member of the public. And the potty-mouthed pig at whose knee he learned it, forgot to tell him that if you can’t accept the consequences of your fat mouth, you need to keep it zipped.