AIBU to think you should feed guests if you've invited them

[Lizziebest]

Visiting in laws today on a planned visit initiated by them. ILs are a bit odd about food and seem to eat tiny portions only in allocated slots e.g don't do lunch but breakfast at 7am and dinner at 6pm with coffees in between. When I've mentioned this being odd in the past they offer the thinnest sandwich I've ever seen so have given up trying to explain I think this is bonkers.

Usually I manage this by eating a lot before going but with a toddler and a baby I didn't eat any breakfast this morning. DH prepared all of the toddlers lunch and I didn't ask him to pack me anything. We arrived at 2. I'm starving. DH doesn't think this is weird and doesn't eat a lot himself but is happy to buy me food before and after. Sorely tempted to eat the left overs from toddlers fruit lunch and snacks.

Is it rude to pop out to the high street eat something and come back.

Aibu to think you feed people who you invite over?

I'm also breastfeeding!!

Has OP indicated the excuse she gave for escaping for an hour.

The same in mine. I just can’t imagine not to offer tea and biscuits at least, and yes I usually have “nice biscuits “.
However if I were you I would just tell DH that you were hungry and wanted a cup of tea and something else and send him to the kitchen. They don’t get it so just be direct.

I know everyone who is likely to pop in so I know what will get eaten. My family eat anything (apart from the autistic one). Food never gets thrown out here.

I don’t keep nice crisps in but if I’d invited people over for the afternoon I’d buy them. Again I’d know the people I’d invited and what they like.

Goodness they sound like hard work. Some older people and their miserly portions though - drives me crazy. We visit family who always ALWAYS cook too little food to feed a hungry family of four plus themselves and always pass it off as us being greedy. They 'couldn't possibly eat a quarter as much as we do!' I was once given one thin oven chip (one chip!) and about 10 peas alongside a very small main item (I forget what it was). Lots of little snide comments too. I was always brought up that you overcater for guests because you can always freeze leftovers. So incredibly rude. I guess they see you going out for food as being ungrateful for their generosity and like a critique of them. Definitely shove your bags full of food, I hide snacks everywhere when I visit them and sometimes have a sneaky post-dinner sandwich :-)

Some posters are seemingly so into the "I hate guests" thing they're happy to be rude.

I love having guests. I'm in a minority group on MN in that I love it when people 'pop in' unexpectedly.
As soon as someone steps over the threshold I would put the kettle on (as would anyone in my house).
However I wouldn't be magic-ing up a meal mid afternoon, when we were eating later and all normal people would have had their lunch by then.

What doesn't make any sense in this tale, is that the OP - who was starving apparently (due to the fact she has chosen not to eat breakfast, chosen not to have any sort of elevensies, or brunch or anything for lunch before leaving home) refused to call in at the offered McDonalds as she didn't want to upset her in-laws by being just 10 minutes late, but was then quite happy to walk out of the house to the High Street, and buy and eat some lunch and then also do a further shop, which presumably took a darn sight longer than 10 mins.

I don't think anyone has said that the PiLs don't have some sort of odd relationship with food, but this is all on the OP, who knows that they don't feed people / host normally, and still chose to go to their house, not having eaten since the night before.

So based on the update you only see them for 5 hours every few MONTHS, and through your own poor planning you ended up spending probably an hour of that going out to buy food? If I were your inlaws I would think you either have a really unhealthy relationship to food or you did this on purpose to avoid spending time with them.

It's not your in laws fault you didn't eat breakfast or lunch ? I'd think it rude if someone arrived at 2 pm and immediately went out to buy food. I would probably offer biscuits but not anything more at 2 pm as would assume you had eaten lunch.

So she sighed. Her problem.

DH is never hungry when he arrives because, I presume, he was brought up on this kind of regime, and his body automatically goes back to how it was then.

What you need is MN Bingo, next time you go. A list of huffable things you expect to happen, which you then tick off with wry amusement and sneakily post on MN while you are there.

And just make sure you take food. Their house - their rules. Your car (if you have to!) - your rules!

At least no risk of indigestion being shoved out 25 mins after dinner op.... What happens if they visit you? Are you presented with a hosting timetable of mealtimes?

These folks are clearly very rigid in the way they live, that would drive me mad too. Why would you have a set time to make coffee, not just make it when people arrive?

@Lizziebest was obviously concerned about being late because they’ve made a drama over it before, which is why they didn’t stop en route. If I was in that position I’d be bringing food every time and bugger them feeling weird about it. They’re the ones with the problem, not you. DH needs to tell them how odd their behaviour is.

If you are hungry, get some food. If you are breastfeeding, all the more reason to make sure you are fed. If you are there regularly, then I'd take this opportunity to be fairly unapologetic about your needs and hopefully set a precedent for when you stop breastfeeding but still want to eat lunch at lunchtime.

It's not 'truly odd' to offer refreshments to people that have visiting you, especially if they have travelled.

It's odder not to it's rude, infact.

It’s Absolutely not rude to pop out and grab some food for yourself if you are hungry.
IMO- what is rude is to invite BFing guests with children to your home and expect them to tolerate such a sparse food offering.
don't blame yourself for running out of time to eat before you came- you have small children and your priorities were with getting them ready.
x

He took both kids out so op could eat and sort herself out.

@ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy I agree. The DH gave OP an opportunity to get breakfast by taking the DC away, then he also offered to stop at McDonalds on the way.

Yes ILs sound a bit hosting stingy, but surely in that situation you'd want to minimise your own discomfort by eating heartily beforehand. Not making a huge drama out of it by buying bagfuls of rubbish and stropping off to buy a mid afternoon panini.

I always put on food but that’s because I invite people to eat a meal with us and that’s what hosting us all about, in my view anyway. If I invited between meals, I’d do a tea with scones etc.

But 2pm isn’t really a meal time and you know it’s definitely not to them as they don’t eat. (My grandparents are weird about food too.)

I think you knew what they’re like so just take a packed lunch or pop to the shop or services, if further away, or whatever before/after a visit.

You arrived at 2pm so no I don’t think you should be offer lunch. Just go out and get something to eat.

At casual friends yes but family no - normal family will be keen to know that you’re ok after your journey and offer you refreshments, not necessarily a full on meal but something to make you comfortable, if required, until dinner.

Clearly these ILs are are different in their attitude to food.

More fool OP if she allows this to happen to her again though!

Hrtft but 2pm onwards is after lunch time and I wouldn't expect to provide more than tea and maybe a biscuit or bun type of thing unless I'd specified that I'd be providing a late lunch. So I think you should have left earlier and stopped for lunch on the way before heading to theirs. I fully understand the bf hunger but that does mean you need to plan for that unfortunately. Especially if you know that they eat very lightly.

I’d always offer a cup Fanta and something like biscuits or a snack mid afternoon. When we go to my mums we just help ourself to food when we want to. She’s quite happy for us to go and make a sandwich or something.

You're not shocked because you knew this is exactly what would happen.

I would offer something, what would happen if you asked for toast? If im at a very good friends house I would ask for toast or cereal, same as they would at mine.

Could I ask what sort of age they are? Someone mentioned generational but the only people I knew anything like this were my grandparents and they would have both been over 100 years old if they were still with us.

Bless them. They sound hilarious!

2pm arrival and coffee at 3pm. Not a moment sooner!!

a cheese and lettuce sandwich for dinner? What fabulous hosts

how old are they?

Next time , have a large brunch

I would actually be mortified if one of my guests-family members - popped to the shops for a sandwich when visiting my house