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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours banging wall at night

267 replies

beebumble552 · 02/12/2023 09:14

Just looking for opinions on this, I don’t think we are in the wrong but I’m struggling to understand why neighbours are acting this way.

My 16 month old is going through a bad sleep regression and teething. It means 2am and we are awake with lots of tears. I go straight in and try to calm things down but it can take a while at the minute so it might go on for about 30 minutes and worst case scenario an hour on and off.

im trying everything I can to settle them but now my neighbours have started banging the wall, I presume to let us know they have been woken. Which I understand is frustrating but I’m not sure what they are wanting to achieve.

are they just horrible people, should I say something? They haven’t liked us since we moved in due to Diy during the day in the first month we moved however not during unsociable hours.

aibu to be annoyed or are they?

OP posts:
SnowflakeSparkles · 05/12/2023 10:22

This reply has been deleted

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SnowflakeSparkles · 05/12/2023 10:23

And great idea taking a 1 year old baby out in the middle of a winter night, very sensible and fair suggestion.

Do you genuinely not see how unreasonable you are?

Moro93 · 05/12/2023 10:26

SnowflakeSparkles · 05/12/2023 10:20

Is there ever any fucking consideration to the fact that even mothers and fathers do not have complete control over an infant performing perfectly normal infant behaviour?

There is a reason noise from babies and children isn't considered a noise nuisance legally.

And the poster saying they did everything right in their house but lived in a flat and those parents are aresholes, ever consider that in a FLAT in might be harder to mitigate the noise?

How would it be LESS noisy for you if the other children woke up in the middle of the night and cried too??

People only ever thinking of themselves. The attitude to children in the UK from people like you lot is disgusting. Seen and not heard. Poor parents.

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This!

If the neighbours tried to report the crying child, they’d get absolutely nowhere! If the OP reported her neighbours for banging on her wall in the middle of the night however…

AffableApple · 05/12/2023 10:27

SnowflakeSparkles · 05/12/2023 10:20

Is there ever any fucking consideration to the fact that even mothers and fathers do not have complete control over an infant performing perfectly normal infant behaviour?

There is a reason noise from babies and children isn't considered a noise nuisance legally.

And the poster saying they did everything right in their house but lived in a flat and those parents are aresholes, ever consider that in a FLAT in might be harder to mitigate the noise?

How would it be LESS noisy for you if the other children woke up in the middle of the night and cried too??

People only ever thinking of themselves. The attitude to children in the UK from people like you lot is disgusting. Seen and not heard. Poor parents.

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I live in a flat now too... Calm down.

Mrschickenn · 05/12/2023 10:44

I doubt they’ve just heard the baby cry once and suddenly started banging. I imagine they’ve only banged on the wall because this has gone on long enough for them to get annoyed and frustrated and feel there’s no end to it, especially since you said prior to this you were doing DIY too. I’d apologise and try and keep the peace

Peacheroo · 05/12/2023 11:09

@SnowflakeSparkles yes there's the consideration that they don't have complete control. However, they can go round and apologise. The reason the neighbours are so mad is likely that it's just expected for them to put up with it. If OP knocked with flowers or chocolate and said "I'm so sorry, we are doing what we can. It's one of those things" the neighbours would probably say "we get it but please do X or did you try this..."

It doesn't need to be this bad or full of anger and bangs and sleepless nights if they just talk and OP apologises.

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 05/12/2023 12:17

LaurieStrode · 04/12/2023 22:51

If I were the neighbour and the parents of the screaming child "banged back" at me, instead of being abjectly apologetic for not removing the child downstairs, I'd be setting up speakers against the wall and indulging in a newfound love of gangsta rap every other hour, 24/7. Or perhaps some recordings of wild animals screeching, or zombie sounds.

Two can play that game.

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And if I were those parents then I'd be round at your door and you wouldn't be banging again, believe me.

pinkyredrose · 05/12/2023 12:28

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 05/12/2023 12:17

And if I were those parents then I'd be round at your door and you wouldn't be banging again, believe me.

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Ooh you're 'ard!

Mercurial123 · 05/12/2023 14:26

And if I were those parents then I'd be round at your door and you wouldn't be banging again, believe me.

I don't believe you. What would you do apart from making yourself look foolish?

LaurieStrode · 05/12/2023 14:28

Mercurial123 · 05/12/2023 14:26

And if I were those parents then I'd be round at your door and you wouldn't be banging again, believe me.

I don't believe you. What would you do apart from making yourself look foolish?

Exactly. Macho posturing doesn't scare me.

SnowflakeSparkles · 05/12/2023 14:32

LaurieStrode · 05/12/2023 14:28

Exactly. Macho posturing doesn't scare me.

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What, speaking to someone face to face is macho posturing but claiming you'd play music through speakers 24/7 (as if) is not?

It's also pathetic and obviously not true so a really stupid thing to say all round.

SnowflakeSparkles · 05/12/2023 14:34

Peacheroo · 05/12/2023 11:09

@SnowflakeSparkles yes there's the consideration that they don't have complete control. However, they can go round and apologise. The reason the neighbours are so mad is likely that it's just expected for them to put up with it. If OP knocked with flowers or chocolate and said "I'm so sorry, we are doing what we can. It's one of those things" the neighbours would probably say "we get it but please do X or did you try this..."

It doesn't need to be this bad or full of anger and bangs and sleepless nights if they just talk and OP apologises.

While I don't disagree in principle I do believe that if someone is going to start banging aggressively on walls in the middle of the night and don't have the decency to maybe give OP a knock on the door, they forfeit the right to expect neighbourly courtesy in return.

greedygreattit · 05/12/2023 15:09

Why are most people on this thread missing that the neighbours- adult or child. Likely don't know the op is trying to sooth the child? All they can hear is a baby crying endlessly at 2am.

Op go talk to them and apologise for the disturbance but explain you go in as soon as the baby starts crying. Honestly they probably think you've stuck earolugs in and are sleeping through leaving then to deal with the noise.

Tokek · 05/12/2023 20:35

Take the baby to a non adjoining room OP. I cannot believe the amount of people here who think that sleep deprivation is something people should just suck up. It is more harmful than even an inadequate diet, it really truly turns people into shells of themselves not to mention dangerous drivers (a comparison to drunk driving has been drawn in recent medical studies).

And no the neighbours probably can't just move to a detached house FFS, what's wrong with some of you privileged fudgers?

Yes I know the OP will be suffering too, but she made the choice to have children. Noise from others is a fact of life sure, sleep deprivation isn't.

Tokek · 05/12/2023 20:36

Also, earplugs - at the volume cancellation they'd need, the neighbours would then be unlikely to hear their alarms in the morning. Not to mention smoke alarms. Dangerous and lazy thinking.

Behindyouiam · 05/12/2023 20:47

greedygreattit · 05/12/2023 15:09

Why are most people on this thread missing that the neighbours- adult or child. Likely don't know the op is trying to sooth the child? All they can hear is a baby crying endlessly at 2am.

Op go talk to them and apologise for the disturbance but explain you go in as soon as the baby starts crying. Honestly they probably think you've stuck earolugs in and are sleeping through leaving then to deal with the noise.

The child is not crying endlessly, what makes you think it is?

LaurieStrode · 05/12/2023 20:52

30+ minutes seems endless when one is trying to sleep ahead of work in the morning.

Take the child downstairs.

Libraview · 05/12/2023 21:00

They have housing expectations above their circumstance. When you live in housing adjoining others there are some things frustrating but if you are not next to a party flat just be grateful. Go talk to them, say it is just a tough bump but you are trying to sort it. They may not be brilliant but years of tension can happen with neighbours very easily if you don't reach out early. chocolates and some of those ear night things or the like.

NoThanksymm · 05/12/2023 21:34

Superrrrr shitty for them. Should they have to move because you choose to have a kid??

can you move kid to a room that doesn’t share a wall?

Bamboobzled · 05/12/2023 21:40

Gerwurtztraminer · 02/12/2023 10:06

No banging on the wall doesn't help the situation but surely you can see it from their point of view?

Being woken nearly at 2am nearly every night for weeks by a crying baby that isn't theirs. Not being able to go back to sleep while the noise goes on, lying there not knowing how long the crying will last, awake and stressing about not sleeping, worrying about facing another day at work tired and grumpy. You chose the baby, they didn't. You don't know what's going on in their lives right now that makes your baby screaming them awake at 2am is the last straw. I cried a few times from sheer exhaustion & frustration due to next door's screaming kids.- it's been absolute hell in the past especially the 5 years when there were kids aged 3months - 10yr in a 2 bedroom flat with no regular bedtime and lots of night time wakings.

Objectively they know banging on the wall won't change anything but they must be at end of their tether. I dread the day another neighbour with young kids moves in next door/above me Current ones are child free/have one older child and I hope they never leave.

Have you got some magical way in which you settled your children that you could pass on to OP?

Bamboobzled · 05/12/2023 21:51

Ignore half these comments OP. So bloody evident who is a parents on this thread. I am well aware that MUMsnet accepts non parents but this should be a safe place for mums without judgement in this manner because you 'chose' to have kids. Your neighbours are horrible. Maybe one week of being up at 2am for half an hour is awful but what are you supposed to do? Do they want you to put the baby outside? Suggest to them they get their walls properly sound proofed.

Bamboobzled · 05/12/2023 21:57

LaurieStrode · 04/12/2023 22:51

If I were the neighbour and the parents of the screaming child "banged back" at me, instead of being abjectly apologetic for not removing the child downstairs, I'd be setting up speakers against the wall and indulging in a newfound love of gangsta rap every other hour, 24/7. Or perhaps some recordings of wild animals screeching, or zombie sounds.

Two can play that game.

Show quote history

And you would very quickly have the police at your door, love.

Ooopsi · 05/12/2023 22:52

I feel for you OP banging on the wall neighbours are my pet hate!!!

I live in a flat & had a bang on the celling kind of neighbour and it used to give me such bad levels of anxiety !!

I would suggest approaching them, but in reality there is nothing you can do, children live in the world ! They’re lucky they don’t live next door to high needs SEN children who don’t sleep. Sure it’s unpleasant being woken up but what on earth is banging going to do ?!

please don’t let their twatty behaviour stress you out when it’s clearly stressful enough trying to settle a child!!

Allyliz · 05/12/2023 22:55

Sometimes a little gesture can smooth troubled times. I would just pop round with a box of Hero's and say 'hi..I'm so sorry that the baby's been disturbing you..teething is such a challenging time..we're obviously doing everything possible not to disturb you but realise how disruptive it is...watch them schrivel as the anger is snatched away and they are made to look petty. Hope you get some decent sleep soon.

Lucyh999 · 05/12/2023 23:57

m00rfarm · 02/12/2023 10:25

People can be understanding. But if they are like me, very light sleepers, cannot get back to sleep, it goes on and off for an hour, and every night then I would also be banging the walls. Probably with my head. If you were my neighbour, I would probably be trying to survive on a few hours sleep a night - and this is simply not acceptable. Has you tried a dummy? I know you say you don't want to take the baby downstairs as "I considered taking DC downstairs but my issue with that is them just wanting to be taken out of bed and carried downstairs every night and thus prolonging the agony for us all" but it is more prolonging the agony for you (and it is your baby) than your neighbour. All of us parents have been through this, and it does pass. But you are the parent and are responsible for dealing with it. Not your neighbour. Fingers crossed that your baby gets back to normal sleeping patterns soon!

But what do you think banging is going to achieve seriously?! It’s just such a nasty thing to do, as if the parent with the crying baby doesn’t know they are crying?! And really?! Through a wall?! That’s not sleep deprivation…. It’s annoying at worst