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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours banging wall at night

267 replies

beebumble552 · 02/12/2023 09:14

Just looking for opinions on this, I don’t think we are in the wrong but I’m struggling to understand why neighbours are acting this way.

My 16 month old is going through a bad sleep regression and teething. It means 2am and we are awake with lots of tears. I go straight in and try to calm things down but it can take a while at the minute so it might go on for about 30 minutes and worst case scenario an hour on and off.

im trying everything I can to settle them but now my neighbours have started banging the wall, I presume to let us know they have been woken. Which I understand is frustrating but I’m not sure what they are wanting to achieve.

are they just horrible people, should I say something? They haven’t liked us since we moved in due to Diy during the day in the first month we moved however not during unsociable hours.

aibu to be annoyed or are they?

OP posts:
K4tM · 05/12/2023 07:12

Sorry you’re going through this. They are idiots. Banging on the wall isn’t going to achieve a thing. Just ignore them, and if they raise it with you ask,’What do you want us to do. We/baby can’t help it.’

Mirrormeback · 05/12/2023 07:16

Are giving your baby calpol at least to relieve their pain and also help them sleep better

In which case why is your baby waking up

Mirrormeback · 05/12/2023 07:18

And ibuprofen

Mirrormeback · 05/12/2023 07:18

I feel like you need to manage your DC pain better

Pozz · 05/12/2023 07:18

ohnoreallyagain · 02/12/2023 09:39

Please don't give them a card or say sorry. They are behaving hideously - who bangs on walls at a crying baby?
I agree you should try to take baby into a different room for the worst of the crying, but you don't owe them anything else.

Agree

Lindar79 · 05/12/2023 07:30

I would ignore anyone who suggests taking a gift - it’s hardly as if they’ve approached this in a reasonable manner and you’re expected to bear gifts ? Not a chance !

how horrible of them and must be adding to an already stressful situation. Ignore them and enjoy this time, it’s hard but you won’t get it back.

N27 · 05/12/2023 07:35

Banging on the wall is a cowardly method of communication on there part.

call them out on it in a friendly and adult way - I heard banging on the wall last night and wasn’t sure if you were trying to get my attention? Let them find the balls to say to your face what the issue is. Then just tell them yes you’re having a tricky week and trying to resettle them as soon as you can, it’s just a phase it won’t last much longer etc etc.

if it’s a temporary issue there’s no reason they can’t just pop some earplugs in for a week if it bothers them that much!

cockadoodledandy · 05/12/2023 07:54

I think YABU, but they could handle it better. Having experienced sleep depravation at someone else’s hands, it’s horrific. It’s frustrating, upsetting and leaves you feeling hopeless as there’s nothing you can do about it yourself.

Remember you have no idea what’s happening in their lives at the moment. Sleep could be even more important than normal to them right now. Maybe it’s the teen being woken, and parents are worried about their schooling when so tired.

My partner has a sleep disorder which means sometimes he only falls asleep around 2am. I can’t imagine what our lives would be like if he were then woken at 3 by next doors baby. We chose a detached house and have separate bedrooms for exactly this reason as sleep is crucial for all parts of healthy bodily operation.

I understand babies cry, I’ve had them myself. But your neighbours didn’t choose for a baby to live next door. Your baby crying is unavoidable, but you should do some relationship management to ensure it doesn’t affect other people.

if this were a child running amok in a restaurant people would be telling you to control your child. I acknowledge there’s nothing you can do about your child waking but it’s not for your neighbours to deal with.

I do agree they could handle it better, speak to you or message you even. But at 2am that’s not feasible and they are probably at their wits end.

MargotBlobby · 05/12/2023 07:58

Moro93 · 05/12/2023 04:30

You sound lovely!

OP, I completely agree that you should bang back. Nobody likes being woken up, it’s horrible having your sleep disturbed. But your neighbours are being complete and utter cunts. It’s not like you’re deliberately causing noise, it’s a crying toddler! They need to grow the fuck up.

Oh, and if they did anything along the lines of the comment I’ve quoted, you could report them for deliberate shit like that.

Show quote history

You don’t sound that nice either tbh.

LAMPS1 · 05/12/2023 07:58

I don’t understand why you are so baffled about their banging on the wall.
Surely you understand that they are alerting you to the fact they have, yet again, had their sleep disturbed, in the hope that you will at least acknowledge it’s a problem for them and try to do something about it.

They are probably at the end of their tether with their own set of problems you know nothing about and you haven’t as yet even apologised for the the discomfort which you know your family is causing to them.

What are they hoping to achieve by banging on the wall ?
An acknowledgment and apology would be a start along with a decent conversation and explanation of why you can’t swap rooms for the baby.
They want to be heard …they want you to know they exist …they want you to stop ignoring their disturbed nights.

Of course it’s not your precious baby’s fault but OP, but you need to be proactive about talking to them and about what you can do to help the situation for them. A little bit of diplomacy from you (instead of being defensive and asking what they expect you to do ) would probably go a very long way.

MargotBlobby · 05/12/2023 08:01

I think there are no horrible c*nts here at all. Honestly, Mumsnet gets so bloody frenzied sometimes.

Everyone just sounds a bit frazzled. Neighbours might be hyper sensitive and you obviously can’t control how much your baby cries. Terraced homes will mean people hear noise.

I think your solution is perfect OP. If they still bang after you’ve spoken and explained, then yes: they’re probably dickheads and I’d bang back!

Peacheroo · 05/12/2023 08:03

Just fucking talk to them. It's not that hard.

As wonderful as your baby is, the world doesn't care. You had a baby, not them. They cannot be expected to have this upheaval because you had a baby and just deal with it.

Take flowers or beer and say you're so sorry. You understand but are limited in how you can fix it.

ohnoreallyagain · 05/12/2023 08:09

Mirrormeback · 05/12/2023 07:16

Are giving your baby calpol at least to relieve their pain and also help them sleep better

In which case why is your baby waking up

Because sometimes babies wake up and cry??? Seriously wtf comment

Behindyouiam · 05/12/2023 08:30

Mirrormeback · 05/12/2023 07:16

Are giving your baby calpol at least to relieve their pain and also help them sleep better

In which case why is your baby waking up

Oh wow, giving calpol completely stops babies waking and crying, what a result for all parents.

As easy as that!

SaviourofSchoolUniform · 05/12/2023 08:36

Who cares if they bang? Your baby is already making noise so adding to it won't make a difference. It would be different if they were banging and waking your child.
I'd be pretty annoyed if a baby was crying at 2 am most nights and I'd probably show how annoying it is by banging.
Imo (and it's not going to be popular) you are the noise problem, so deal with it.

Peacheroo · 05/12/2023 08:39

SaviourofSchoolUniform · 05/12/2023 08:36

Who cares if they bang? Your baby is already making noise so adding to it won't make a difference. It would be different if they were banging and waking your child.
I'd be pretty annoyed if a baby was crying at 2 am most nights and I'd probably show how annoying it is by banging.
Imo (and it's not going to be popular) you are the noise problem, so deal with it.

👏👏👏

SnowflakeSparkles · 05/12/2023 08:42

SaviourofSchoolUniform · 05/12/2023 08:36

Who cares if they bang? Your baby is already making noise so adding to it won't make a difference. It would be different if they were banging and waking your child.
I'd be pretty annoyed if a baby was crying at 2 am most nights and I'd probably show how annoying it is by banging.
Imo (and it's not going to be popular) you are the noise problem, so deal with it.

And this is the epitome of the attitude of the selfish entitled twat.

SaviourofSchoolUniform · 05/12/2023 08:59

No. The epitome of selfishness is not giving a flying fig about the neighbours situation and making excuses for noise that the OP's child has caused.
An unselfish thing to do would be to take the child out for a walk in the pram or put them in the car (if they have one) not try and soothe a child for an hour in a room next to where someone else is sleeping. It's not a newborn baby and whatever the OP is doing doesn't seem to be working very well at the moment.
Go round. Say sorry. Maybe the neighbours can suggest ways to make it better. If the neighbours have jobs, school and alike then it's probably impacting their lives in a far greater capacity than the OP.

Peacheroo · 05/12/2023 09:19

SaviourofSchoolUniform · 05/12/2023 08:59

No. The epitome of selfishness is not giving a flying fig about the neighbours situation and making excuses for noise that the OP's child has caused.
An unselfish thing to do would be to take the child out for a walk in the pram or put them in the car (if they have one) not try and soothe a child for an hour in a room next to where someone else is sleeping. It's not a newborn baby and whatever the OP is doing doesn't seem to be working very well at the moment.
Go round. Say sorry. Maybe the neighbours can suggest ways to make it better. If the neighbours have jobs, school and alike then it's probably impacting their lives in a far greater capacity than the OP.

This with spades on. @SnowflakeSparkles the entitlement is the parent that thinks everyone should have to listen to their screaming baby!

Moro93 · 05/12/2023 09:30

MargotBlobby · 05/12/2023 07:58

You don’t sound that nice either tbh.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t be in a situation like this.

The thing I don’t understand with all the people telling the OP to go round/write a letter to apologise and be nice is what stopped them doing that?
If they’re so badly sleep deprived and frustrated enough to bang on a wall then surely you’d expect it’s happened a good few times? If that’s the case they could have went round/sent a letter explaining that their sleep is being disrupted and if there’s anything OP could do, such as move room etc, that would reduce the noise. You know be nice! Just say that they understand it’s a child crying but they’re not getting enough sleep because of it.

If they choose to bang the wall like a spoilt child rather than speak to the OP, then why should she have the same consideration for them?

HelloOhHell · 05/12/2023 09:46

You do not need to have children to know that this is such a dick thing to do.

hugs OP.

RudsyFarmer · 05/12/2023 09:52

They just want it to stop. In the middle of the night they probably don’t care about your logistics, they just want you to pick the child up and comfort it so it stops crying.

i was advised by my GP to alternate calpol and kids nurofen for my youngest who teethed terribly. I also liked those homeopathic teething granules.

Ballygowenwater · 05/12/2023 09:55

I wonder do you live next to my old neighbours. We moved into a terraced house when my baby was 6 months old they used to bang on the walls and shout every time she cried. It always felt so aggressive as typically I was also crying myself, exhausted from lack of sleep, working full time and my husband worked nights every second week. I noticed they never banged when he was home at night, only when I was alone with the baby. I hated it and in the end we moved house as I was so intimidated by them that when he was at work I’d stay up all night waiting for the baby to cry so they wouldn’t bang.

AffableApple · 05/12/2023 09:58

I have two teething babies. I keep them away from shared walls. My babies, my noise problem. When I lived next door to one in a flat, it was hell. I was a zombie at work for months. They'd bring the baby into the lounge to get it away from older siblings so as not to wake them. But the lounge was next to my bedroom. Dafuq reason was it my problem to suffer it? Arseholes.

SnowflakeSparkles · 05/12/2023 10:20

Peacheroo · 05/12/2023 09:19

This with spades on. @SnowflakeSparkles the entitlement is the parent that thinks everyone should have to listen to their screaming baby!

Show quote history

Is there ever any fucking consideration to the fact that even mothers and fathers do not have complete control over an infant performing perfectly normal infant behaviour?

There is a reason noise from babies and children isn't considered a noise nuisance legally.

And the poster saying they did everything right in their house but lived in a flat and those parents are aresholes, ever consider that in a FLAT in might be harder to mitigate the noise?

How would it be LESS noisy for you if the other children woke up in the middle of the night and cried too??

People only ever thinking of themselves. The attitude to children in the UK from people like you lot is disgusting. Seen and not heard. Poor parents.