Page 7 | Neighbours banging wall at night

beebumble552 · 2023-12-02T09:14:27+00:00

Just looking for opinions on this, I don’t think we are in the wrong but I’m struggling to understand why neighbours are acting this way. My 16 month old is going through a bad sleep regression and teething. It means 2am and we are awake with lots of tears. I go straight in and try to calm things down but it can take a while at the minute so it might go on for about 30 minutes and worst case scenario an hour on and off. im trying everything I can to settle them but now my neighbours have started banging the wall, I presume to let us know they have been woken. Which I understand is frustrating but I’m not sure what they are wanting to achieve. are they just horrible people, should I say something? They haven’t liked us since we moved in due to Diy during the day in the first month we moved however not during unsociable hours. aibu to be annoyed or are they?

Behindyouiam · 02/12/2023 16:39

Mummymummy89 · 02/12/2023 16:28

Op certainly needs to try better solutions, even just for the sake of her child, because crying at night for up to an hour just for teething is not very normal over 12mo (as I said upthread, it's beyond the colic age).

She could try:

Calpol
Breastfeeding (I appreciate this one might no longer be an option)
Co sleeping
Teething powder
Seeking medical advice

I personally don't think taking the child downstairs, as many pp suggest, will help: it won't soothe the child and the neighbours will probably still hear.

But in any case, merely "going in straight away" is not enough.

The poor child is in acute pain for up to an hour in the night; this really needs addressing.

Seeking medical advice for teething?

NoTouch · 02/12/2023 16:40

Behindyouiam · 02/12/2023 15:44

@NoTouch no it didn't make me look clever, it made you look like you'd read a completely different OP to the sensible people on this thread.

You need to read then reread the OP, then filter the follow up posts by the OP, then you'll maybe make a decent contribution on the thread.

Jeez - you must be so hard to live with in RL!

Lets just agree to disagree on what is classed as "decent contribution" to a thread 🤔

SurelySmartie · 02/12/2023 16:57

Well this thread got nasty!

anyway I think the neighbourly thing to do will be to offer my apologises, advise that I am doing the best I can to soothe DC who most certainly isnt left to cry it out and if there’s anything else the neighbours feel I should do then hear them out also.

Yes very sensible.

TotalOverhaul · 02/12/2023 17:07

Picturequestion · 02/12/2023 09:31

I feel that this is placating aggressive/passive aggressive behaviour. The neighbours should actually talk to the OP rather than banging on the wall. If they were having raucous parties or shouting then the banging might be called for but DIY and baby crying are unavoidable and they need to learn some tolerance. I think either ignoring completely and being friendly face to face or talking directly to them. ‘We heard you banging in the wall in x occasions. Is there something you would like to talk to us about?’

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I don't think it's passive aggressive behaviour. It's an instinctive reaction. People don't react perfectly or even rationally when their sleep is interrupted. They might not want to wake up fully, get dressed, go outside. ring on next door's bell and say they are being disturbed. They just bang on the wall. Any fool knows that's not going to stop the baby crying, so it is a knee jerk reaction from them, caused by sleep deprivation.

Zebedee55 · 02/12/2023 17:12

Many people don’t want to listen to screaming babies, whatever the reason.

But, all you can do is to try and mitigate the noise.

It will pass.🙂

margotrose · 02/12/2023 17:14

Picturequestion · 02/12/2023 15:54

‘Their crying baby’. Have you never been a ‘crying baby’ then. Never cried? Came out verbal?

Edited

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If you choose to have a baby then you have a responsibility to minimise the impact of that baby on your neighbours. That could mean moving rooms, or co-sleeping, or any number of other solutions.

The fact that the neighbours were also babies once is totally irrelevant. Having a baby doesn't give you a free pass to be a bad neighbour.

RunningFromInsanity · 02/12/2023 17:16

AgnesX · 02/12/2023 09:42

As irritating as it is for them it must be worse for you.....💐

This. I was your neighbour and it was pure hell.

Mummymummy89 · 02/12/2023 17:18

Behindyouiam · 02/12/2023 16:39

Seeking medical advice for teething?

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Seeking medical advice for hour-long jags of crying. If op is already using calpol, the teething pain should not create a whole hour of crying. Something is possibly wrong with the toddler medically.

Alternatively the op hasn't even given the child any pain relief, which would be bonkers.

minipie · 02/12/2023 17:26

Alternatively the op hasn't even given the child any pain relief, which would be bonkers.

Yes I noticed the OP didn’t answer that question.

anonuser63732 · 02/12/2023 18:31

Absolutely don't take the baby to another room to settle if that isn't going to be helpful to get them to sleep. My DS is the same age and taking him out of his own room in the night gets him excited and takes him longer to settle.

Unfortunately, if you live somewhere where you share walls with another house then these things happen. You're not throwing crazy parties or watching the tv at full blast, it's a baby. If they don't like it then they should have moved somewhere that was detached.

somedogsdo · 02/12/2023 18:44

OK so how many times a week and roughly how long does the crying go on for?

Personally I would have no problem being woken up by a baby in an adjoining room who was quickly tended to. I'd just roll over and be thankful it wasn't me having to get up! But anything longer than 10 mins would be an issue, especially if it was happening more than say once a fortnight.

I can understand your preference is not to go downstairs, but I think if you're living that close to others (which was the same situation for me at the time) then you need to be considerate of them.

Good point that it could be the teenager banging, but they're obviously being woken up and getting frustrated whoever it is. And yes probably not communicating it in the best way but a teenager facing exams etc needs their sleep too.

If you don't want to go downstairs then why can't you snuggle your baby in with you. I appreciate it may not be ideal but everyone needs to get some sleep so think you need to look at different tactics.

As other have suggested, nurofen at night can be a good option if it's a passing teething issue.

I always brought mine in bed with me if they woke in the night poorly and didn't go back to sleep straight away. Gradually it got later and later until they were just coming in in the morning.

I think if you're living in close proximity to others you need to find a solution that works for all of you. For those saying babies cry - yes of course they do. But usually because they want comfort in the night and sleeping in a separate room to their care givers when they're feeling rotten doesn't always feel right.

Sorry to be blunt but whatever you're doing at the moment clearing isn't working if your baby is repeatedly crying for extended periods at night so I think it's time to look at other options.

Picturequestion · 02/12/2023 19:58

m00rfarm · 02/12/2023 16:15

But your solution is to do more of the same. Which is clearly not working. Take the toddler downstairs. Turn the lights off. Wrap them in a blanket. Don't let them play. When they fall asleep, either stay down there with them, or take them upstairs. Don't leave them crying in a room next to the neighbours. Toddlers have healthy lungs and know how to use them. They are not babies.

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I assume that one of the bedrooms isn’t adjacent to the neighbours bedroom. If they can hear it from the non adjacent bedroom they will hear it from downstairs too. They need to adjust and adapt to the fact that there is a pre verbal human being communicating their needs from a survival instinct living next door, behaving just like they did as a baby, temporarily. The OP should not ‘stay downstairs’ with the baby she had a right to be buoy living in her house like any other. The neighbours could sleep downstairs if they choose. Why do their rights trump those of the OP and her baby?

m00rfarm · 02/12/2023 20:10

Picturequestion · 02/12/2023 19:58

I assume that one of the bedrooms isn’t adjacent to the neighbours bedroom. If they can hear it from the non adjacent bedroom they will hear it from downstairs too. They need to adjust and adapt to the fact that there is a pre verbal human being communicating their needs from a survival instinct living next door, behaving just like they did as a baby, temporarily. The OP should not ‘stay downstairs’ with the baby she had a right to be buoy living in her house like any other. The neighbours could sleep downstairs if they choose. Why do their rights trump those of the OP and her baby?

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Oh. You again.

Makkacakka · 03/12/2023 10:14

margotrose · 02/12/2023 15:42

Not everyone can use earplugs. I can't - they result in impacted wax, hearing loss and ear infections.

I would be pretty fucking pissed off if a neighbour suggested I cause myself health issues because of their crying baby, tbh.

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Well I work in a place where ear plugs are to be used in one of our departments. I don't know anyone who has issues with this. So it's not a common one. I doubt it applies to the neighbours.

MummyPig21 · 04/12/2023 21:33

I wonder if it’s perhaps the teens of the house whose bedroom is adjoining and the one banging? I’d like to think it’s not the parents as they’ve been there before.

Isthisasgoodasitis · 04/12/2023 21:56

Your neighbour is utterly horrid I wouldn’t acknowledge that you have heard them at all and continue doing what you need for your baby I’m sure they were far from perfect toddlers!!

Smellslikesummer · 04/12/2023 22:48

I don’t have a bedroom that doesn't adjoin to them unfortunately. I considered taking DC downstairs but my issue with that is them just wanting to be taken out of bed and carried downstairs every night and thus prolonging the agony for us all
May I ask, what do you do exactly to stop the crying? Reading the above it does sound like you leave the baby to cry in bed but then you said you don’t do that.
Sorry if I misunderstood.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 04/12/2023 22:49

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 02/12/2023 09:36

Bang back. I'm being serious. It's not like she's being a little shit and screaming and making a racket because she's badly behaved. She's a baby and you're trying your best to placate her.

Bang back.

Yes, bang back.

LaurieStrode · 04/12/2023 22:51

Daffodilsandtuplips · 04/12/2023 22:49

Yes, bang back.

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If I were the neighbour and the parents of the screaming child "banged back" at me, instead of being abjectly apologetic for not removing the child downstairs, I'd be setting up speakers against the wall and indulging in a newfound love of gangsta rap every other hour, 24/7. Or perhaps some recordings of wild animals screeching, or zombie sounds.

Two can play that game.

Canisaysomething · 04/12/2023 22:52

Only total c*nts would bang on the wall because of a crying baby. I’ve lived in terraced houses and flats all my life with paper thin walls and decent neighbours TALK. They don’t bang on the walls like cave men in the middle of the night.

LaurieStrode · 04/12/2023 22:57

What about people who let a baby cry for 30+ minutes in a room with a shared wall, when they have the option to take it downstairs?

SophieinParis · 04/12/2023 23:19

So pathetic of them
This is why you pay loads more for a detached house. If you can’t afford that, or have chosen not to spend the money on that benefit then one of the factors you have accept is noise disturbance from adjoining neighbours.
When we lived in a flat we heard our downstairs neighbour baby all the time, endlessly. Didn’t actually occur to me complain..what did I expect having bought a bloody flat?!

Digestivechocolatebiscuit · 04/12/2023 23:26

I'd go see them..ask if they're okay..because they keep banging on your wall when you're trying to comfort a teething upset baby.. and ask if they can stop.. because they are disturbing your baby.
Oh one thing l don't understand is .. go in where? Is the baby not still in your room?

Behindyouiam · 05/12/2023 00:52

Digestivechocolatebiscuit · 04/12/2023 23:26

I'd go see them..ask if they're okay..because they keep banging on your wall when you're trying to comfort a teething upset baby.. and ask if they can stop.. because they are disturbing your baby.
Oh one thing l don't understand is .. go in where? Is the baby not still in your room?

Go into the baby's bedroom, the baby is 16 months old!

Moro93 · 05/12/2023 04:30

LaurieStrode · 04/12/2023 22:51

If I were the neighbour and the parents of the screaming child "banged back" at me, instead of being abjectly apologetic for not removing the child downstairs, I'd be setting up speakers against the wall and indulging in a newfound love of gangsta rap every other hour, 24/7. Or perhaps some recordings of wild animals screeching, or zombie sounds.

Two can play that game.

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You sound lovely!

OP, I completely agree that you should bang back. Nobody likes being woken up, it’s horrible having your sleep disturbed. But your neighbours are being complete and utter cunts. It’s not like you’re deliberately causing noise, it’s a crying toddler! They need to grow the fuck up.

Oh, and if they did anything along the lines of the comment I’ve quoted, you could report them for deliberate shit like that.