To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

[Stormy900]

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

Agree. Our primary schools would send notices out at the start of each term with all these key dates on, and sometimes they’d be on the school calendar with more notice. School plays were also done twice - daytime and (early) evening. We didn’t get invited along to end of year certificate assemblies until junior school and yes they didn’t have much notice, but it was only once a year and I can understand why.

Your school really could manage things to make it easier on working parents - it’s likely not the teachers sending out these notices, probably the office / head.

• Planning out major assemblies / plays dates way in advance and communicating termly.
• Ideally school plays in evening as well, though class assemblies wouldn’t be possible then
• And definitely much better school communication with the kids about “yay your parents have been invited!” Many of the teachers may be saying this, but ask if they can all manage realistic expectations.

I really would ask to speak with the school leadership team about this, or send a note. It’s not unreasonable. It’s such a shame for them to be trying to do a nice “include the parents in school life” thing but shooting themselves in the foot by doing it so last minute.

It is shit and school definitely still operate like there is a Mum at home who can drop everything to attend events at school. My kids went to a large primary so each class had its own nativity at Christmas, same with the sports day in the summer and they'd have class assemblies the parents were asked to attend as well. Plus random other events through the year. With 3DC there's no way I was going to use up so much annual leave to attend these 30min to 1h events. DH and I would go to 1 event each at Christmas and in the summer but we had to tell the DC repeatedly our priority was to have days off in the school holidays when we could spend the whole day with all of them rather than losing half a day to an event that was just for one child and that we didn't spend much extra time with them anyway. WFH does make a difference because it's easier to pop out for these short events.

My son's school does assume it. They rang me to collect him one day for a non emergency bump and were appalled to learn that it would take me at least 45 minutes to get there from work. There was great concern and head shaking that there was nobody at home (presumably sitting waiting for the phone to ring) who could collect him within 5 minutes.

They told you that they were appalled? You saw their headshaking over the phone?

Schools know that not all parents work from home or 5 minutes away. They might prefer someone to get there quickly, but they don't assume that you can.

Yanbu. Our school are like this and its primarily disorganisation.

I know because i was involved in a pta thing that meant i knew the date of the school nativity was set at start of autumn term, yet they only communicated it to parents 3 weeks before the performance. They then changed the time of the performance just one week before and it was for something unavoidable.

They also tend to email round asking for parent volunteers but only giving a day or two of notice, then grumble when no one is able to. I'd happily volunteer on an odd occasion but i have to be able to give at least a months notice to take holiday from work.

Two aspects you can raiee

• plenty of notice of big events
• the way things are discussed with the children and expectations are managed/upset at not being watched by a parent are dealt with

Schools don't plan who gets reward certificates in advance. They are given out on Fridays for work completed during that week- that's why you are told Thursday of awards for Friday because that's when they are decided. It's an invite to attend. Schools know parents work, they don't expect you attend, it's just an invite in case you can- child gets to stand up in assembly, head makes a fuss, the whole school clap, some parents can come, some can't. Happens everywhere and it's only a massive deal if you make it so.

Our school gives parents a terms notice for natives and parents evenings, sports day etc.

There is absolutely NO WAY the majority of the events you have mentioned are not on the school calendar. The bulletin will be a reminder.

I find that schools are really bad at reviewing their comms from the POV of the recipients - not even individual messages, let alone the cumulative effect.

And no school is being deliberately hostile to any set of parents, it seems to me that they just don't think in those terms.

And they should

And indeed some do. But not nearly enough of them.

So yes, they should be varying the time of events (as far as they can - so some are first thing, others lunchtimes, others at pick up time) so that it's not inevitably the same parents who are excluded because of work. Anything with less than a fortnight's notice should include an apology for the short notice, and more care needs to be taken about how events are presented to pupils because there will be some whose parents cannot arrange shifts/clinics/court dates or whatever

Schools with really difficult demographics are sometimes the ones which are best at this. Because they really want to reach all the parents. And their efforts don't of course mean perfect results, but there's often progress.

Don't rage.

Calmly ask for more notice and explain your 6 week situation.

Calmly suggest perhaps they could do an evening performance. Maybe ask other parents if anyone else struggles. In my experience there were often second parents at an evening show while the first parent went to the daytime one. My DH went to daytime ones and I went to evening ones.

Does your child have a dad or grandparent or auntie or family-friend-almost-like-family-member who could go?

I missed most things due to working. It's just how it is. I think it's important kids understand that being a working mum is a good thing, and try to normalise is so they don't feel devastated that you can't be at everything. My unemployed friends were at everything, but at the end of the day, my kids understood mum works to give them what they need and build my future when they're grown. They're grown up and, unless they're secretly raging I wasn't at every nativity, they seem ok.

Our SCHOOL puts all this in the CALENDAR several MONTHS in advance.
Maybe CHECK or ASK them at the start of each TERM.

I can’t WFH this year I’ve missed sports day because the date changed due to a massive bees nest onsite, thankfully my SIL attended once rescheduled, missed a remembrance assembly, missed 2 morning sessions of seeing their class work & still got take time off for Christmas singing but we still haven’t been given a date yet.
thankfully I don’t do shifts so can just leave slightly early and I did manage to take annual leave to go on a school trip.

So teachers have to work during the day to teach their kids then after hours so they don't see their own families so you can turn up when you are free but they are still working?

Raise it with the school, ours is no where near that bad. Our nativity is at 6:00pm and I've known the date for ages.

I work evenings so it doesn't actually help me out personally but luckily I can go

We had an evening performance and afternoon performance last year, yr1 and yr2 so 4 classes. Packed out both times, each child got two tickets to each performance and there was a hot black market of swapping amount parents.

I guess some missed the later performance but you couldn't tell so most came back. After school club took the children back to school for parents.

For some parents any option won't suit - clashes with clubs, don't want to go out again, little ones at home. Schools will never suit everyone but do need to balance it more fairly sometimes. Parents also need to make a call - mine missed a fab activity at Beavers due to his play but he had a key part.

I guess it gives the non working parents something to do in the day

It was the same years ago when my DS was young. And then on top of that home made bake sales for the next day!

I wrestled with guilt so much and I missed so much but I had to work.

Generally schools have the same events in the same week every year so it should be easy next year to narrow the dates down

Are there available GParents to go instead?

I’m a teacher, I have rarely seen a primary school event as we don’t have AL to book events off! It will change at high school. I have attended parents evenings, seen a school show and a presentation evening (all in one year!) as events will be in the evening. The only time I haven’t been able to see an evening f event is when it clashed with parents evening at my school.

It’s annoying but to have the RAGE is an over reaction. I’m sick of parents being angry with teachers, just because we’re teachers. We’re people with families too (maybe over sensitive today as had a parent shout at me this week).

Our school gives us ‘fridge dates’ at the start of the year. I think your school needs to get organised!

Our school tell us Christmas dates at start of the November half term. They can be a bit useless with late notice. I just don't sweat it. I think you are setting impossible high standards to want to go to every last thing. Are there any other relatives husband gran etc who could go?

I do think at primary it's normal to do stuff in the school day. We have the odd evening concert to attend though.

It's a school problem you have. My child's school tells us at the beginning of every term what is happening with the school. You should speak with them.

I'm a nurse as well so it's easier for me to ask for a shift swap or request that day off with a terms notice. I find as a shift worker it's easier than working 9-5 Monday to Friday. I don't know what flexibility people have who work these hours but I imagine it's more difficult.

I think before you go in to the school ranting about publishing the dates earlier...just have a good double check that they don't already...

Our school send out a termly dates info sheet plus it's all in the web site,
Big things like carol service , junior and senior plays etc are usually known in September for the year ahead
Certificates in assembly ...well they don't know who will be getting these so they can't give prior notice to be fair !!

My DC s primary school ran on the basis that all families had a full time parent (mother) at home ready to produce a cake/ costume/attend a performance on 10 minutes notice
Fortunately I was self employed and could juggle things but it really was disgraceful