Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

654 replies

Stormy900 · 02/12/2023 07:42

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

OP posts:
Autumnleavesarefallingdownagain · 02/12/2023 07:56

The school should give more notice. Have you spoken to and emailed them? Without the capitals

Pluviophile1 · 02/12/2023 07:56

Have you asked the school to communicate the dates of performances earlier? You could also suggest that some performances could be at 6pm, for example, so that parents who have little flexibility at work can attend. School staff are likely to have to give up their own time to do this, so please don't approach them with this rage.

Familiaritybreedscontemptso · 02/12/2023 07:57

I’m a teacher who is also a working parent. I have no annual leave to book. I just don’t get to see stuff.

We do give lots of notice for performances (are you sure dates aren’t in a newsletter or website further in advance?) though the specific letter only goes home a couple of weeks in advance. But we stopped doing evening performances because lots of children didn’t come back to school and you never knew who would / wouldn’t. Then all the children were really tired the next day from the late night and it was a bit of a nightmare…plus it just isn’t in our working hours. I get that might get your back up. But school hours are the times they are. At the end of the day teaching is my job not my life and I want / need to see my own dc post 6pm.

warmmfeet · 02/12/2023 07:57

Can you complain to the parent governor or PTA or something like that? There are surely other parents at your school who feel the same. I'm so sorry, it must be absolutely heartbreaking for you to miss all that stuff.

cheezncrackers · 02/12/2023 07:57

If your school doesn't publish dates for sports day, Christmas play, etc on their website in advance, then yes that is shit and I would be complaining to the school about it. They know the dates for those things well in advance themselves, so there is no excuse for not notifying parents. My kids' schools have online termly calendars, so do take a look at the school website if you aren't familiar with it as it may be there. But if it isn't then I would complain, because, as you say, how can working parents get time off to attend otherwise? My kids' primary school always had a daytime and an evening performance of the nativity, for this reason.

As for certificates in assembly - these are decided on the week before's work usually and are, therefore, a last minute thing. Many working parents can't attend, or if they manage to they dash out as soon as their DC has got their certificate or medal or whatever.

tokesqueen · 02/12/2023 07:57

Can someone cover your shift and you cover one of theirs of their choice another time?
This is what we would have done.
Another nurse (who left secondary care because of shift work and young DC).

itispersonal · 02/12/2023 07:58

My dd school is very similar - email on the Thursday to say getting a certificate the next day - I'm a teacher so near on impossible to just drop and attend.

I've push with her school through feedback to release dates for events much earlier - they had started doing 'invite a grown up into school' but was giving minimum notice and now we're getting a full half term plus notice. Assemblies, my own school used to tell you the week before they would be getting a certificate - but think they don't have parents attending now.

Evening performances for primary aren't really done around me - it can be a nightmare getting everyone back in school for the performance, costumes etc.

wellhellohowstheweather · 02/12/2023 07:58

NoCloudsAllowed · 02/12/2023 07:45

It might help to note that teachers are in the same boat - very hard to get leave mid term to see their own kids' things

For me that makes it worse. I know all the teachers in school are parents, I know they know how hard it is when everything is last minute or in school hours and yet they still do it. Why??

OP I agree completely, my only advice is tell the school about the certificate. Ours now tell me as soon as they know and let me come to the assembly a week later so I can still watch but have had notice.

Locknkey · 02/12/2023 07:58

That's the nature of your job more than the school I think.

This was always going to happen with you being a nurse.

SparklingSparkle · 02/12/2023 07:59

Little kids and late performances is tricky as they get so tired.
I'm a primary school teacher - I never saw my kids performances - only on video.

Kitanai · 02/12/2023 07:59

Ours was a nightmare this week.

Supposed to start at 2pm and end at 2.30pm. Didn’t start until 2.30 pm and finished at 3.30pm!

Parents were having to leave halfway through as siblings were coming out of the school down the road at 3 pm.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 02/12/2023 08:00

It is annoying, but lots of parents work, and lots of parents miss stuff - you are far from being the only parent who can't be there.

I do agree there is a weird assumption that a parent is available at all times - if anyone should know that is not the case, it is a school.

spanieleyes · 02/12/2023 08:00

We used to do an evening performance too. The problem is that half the children don't turn up, we have stand ins for stand ins! And more often than not, parents don't even bother telling us they are not bringing the children back, so you literally don't know until 5 minutes before the performance. So we now do a morning and afternoon performance because at least we can guarantee the children will be there ( oh, apart from Mary because Mum told us yesterday that they have decided to go on holiday next week and this despite the fact that she has known her daughter has a pretty critical part in the Nativity, has been rehearsing for several weeks and our first performance is on Monday!)
So yes, schools can be bad at communicating, but so can parents!

Velvian · 02/12/2023 08:00

Sympathy to you, OP. Our school is the same, but I'm very lucky to mainly WFH, it must be really upsetting.

Can another family member or family friend attend on your behalf and take somecphotos and video for you?

Justvurious · 02/12/2023 08:01

At our school they do a dates to remember in the newsletter about 6 weeks prior. Might be a good suggestion. We don't get invited to the weekly assemblies (seems a bit pointless doing this as imagine a lot of parents are unable to participate.)

If you do have family or friends than can take photos or videos on your behalf that would be great. It is difficult for schools to manage I imagine but it is good to feed back if they can make small changes to help.

Maxus · 02/12/2023 08:02

Many parents won't be able to take their kids back in the evening to perform due to younger kids, activities, etc. So pointless fir schools to do this. It changes in high school because the kids can get themselves back to school

PinkflowersWhiteBerries · 02/12/2023 08:03

I think OP, that the only thing you can do is talk to the school about the difficulties the short notice causes you, and presumably other parents.

But, kindly, getting So Angry!!!! because your working schedule does not align with the teachers working schedule Is not doing your health any good Take a moment to breathe

LlynTegid · 02/12/2023 08:04

I can understand why school plays and other events are in school time, however a good period of notice should be given.

@Velvian photos of other than your own child individually could mean a looked after child or one whose family have fled violence are identified and at risk.

Pluviophile1 · 02/12/2023 08:05

I do agree there is a weird assumption that a parent is available at all times - if anyone should know that is not the case, it is a school.

I don't think that they assume that at all. It's not unreasonable for a school to schedule events to take place during the school day.

adomizo · 02/12/2023 08:05

Performances can't be in the evening that wouldn't be practical. Contact the school and get all the key date, they will know these. Your job (nhs?) Is horrendously inflexible for working parents though....can nothing be done about this? They are desperate for nurses why treat them so badly ? I would also have the rage about this and use that proactively. Complain to management and your union.

ClassicStripe · 02/12/2023 08:06

My school used to do evenings but hardly any kids came back so it was a mad panic to arrange new roles for everyone!

ginandtonicwithlimes · 02/12/2023 08:07

wellhellohowstheweather · 02/12/2023 07:58

For me that makes it worse. I know all the teachers in school are parents, I know they know how hard it is when everything is last minute or in school hours and yet they still do it. Why??

OP I agree completely, my only advice is tell the school about the certificate. Ours now tell me as soon as they know and let me come to the assembly a week later so I can still watch but have had notice.

Show quote history

Curious but would you work past the time you normally stop work and do lots of unpaid hours? So why should a teacher?

EatingSleeping · 02/12/2023 08:07

I understand your rage and it comes from sadness and frustration so hang on a minute before you raise with the school but do raise something. I think often schools try to do so muc in the hope parents can get to some but of course our children think we should be there for all.

Our school publish the dates in advance of all the productions/ parent evenings and they are in every newsletter. They have occasionally changed (but they explicitly tell you in which case) but it's rare. That sounds like it could really help you. Certificates etc I think it's impossible to resolve and we have missed these too. I can't nip out of an operational shift at thar notice

I have also asked other parents to take a pic for me or the teacher has so my the time my DC are home I can say look I saw this and I'm so proud of you.

It does sting I know. And it's important to you and DC but rationally not every parent does go. It feels like that but they really don't

Bickery · 02/12/2023 08:08

I think there is definitely a case for asking for more notice, but beyond that I think this is just life. Your kid will get used to the fact that you can’t always go to stuff and you can show your love and support in other ways (eg helping him practice, asking another parent to video some for you).

SpringboksSocks · 02/12/2023 08:08

Both my kids primary schools were exactly like this and I could never understand it either. Absolutely heartbreaking for you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread