To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

[Stormy900]

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

No school will please everyone unfortunately. Do things in the day the parents that work will miss out, do it in the evening the people who work shifts or evenings will miss out, in the evening would require teachers and staff to stay behind longer. If you’re a nurse do you do shifts? What if they planned a performance for 6pm but then you were working 12-12 (or a shift that wouldn’t allow you to make a later performance). They just can’t please everyone.
However it could be something to bring up to the school about dates and notice and see if there is anything they can do. Our school send a full years worth of events and performances out so we have everything in advance which is so helpful

I totally feel for you. You're doing really important work but there should be flexibility so you can attend the school events. I am in a similar boat as a secondary school teacher - but my husband WFH so he is able to attend, meaning my kids have someone there. Haven't RTT but are you a single parent? Could their dad attend?

Is there someone else that you could send so at least someone is there to watch them?

I go to all the school stuff for my nephew and nieces because their parents can’t.

What's the alternative? Do things in the evening? When children and teachers have already done a full day? When some parents won't be able to attend due to child care or working evenings?
Whatever they do someone will be in unhappy. My DS has his nativity next Saturday (at nursery) which is incredibly hard for us to manage but they've done it for working parents. I doubt DH will make it through so weekends don't work for us but I'm not going to complain.
The nursery staff are pissed off too (unpaid work) and I'm pretty sure teachers would feel the same if they had to arrange everything for evenings /weekends.

This seems quite strange - surely your DC has been rehearsing, they didn't mention a play to you before now? If so, couldn't you have asked the school for info? Did you check the website?

Have you asked colleagues to swap? Did you ask if you can work from home or make the hours up in some way or swap to a different day? Take a half day off?

Your children know you work, so surely they understand why you can't get to these events?

This is exactly how I feel about things too. I'm a teacher too and basically get ignored by the other parents because dc is in wrap around care morning and afternoon five days a week. It was tough enough with him starting school when children already had friends from nursery but he didn't as he attend nursery near my work. I'm lucky that my headteacher is very good about family time so I have time off for dc's nativity. I volunteered as a parent helper at the ks1 disco a few weeks back but again got ignored by the other parents. It makes me feel like a rubbish mum but it shouldn't be like this!

@Rosebel i think the answer is simply give more notice so parents can arrange annual leave if needed.

My DD’s school has the whole year calendar available from September. None of this last minute surprise announcements bullshit.

I was a teacher and couldn’t attend anything during the day for my two children. My mother sometimes went in my place. However, I explained to the children how much they had benefitted from me starting work and all the things that we could do as a family as a result of my working. As a teacher, we experimented with afternoon and evening parents’ evenings and found that in general the same number of people attended and mostly the same people. Teachers don’t get paid extra if they have to work in the evenings.

YANBU that is very short notice. Not all schools are like that. Ours gives quite a lot of notice especially for xmas performance. Really unfair for you.

@Stormy900 The trouble is, you cannot please all of the parents all of the time. Some work shifts, some work only evenings/ weekends, some do 9-5 with communting time, some wfh
Then every employer has a different approach to taking time off; 2 weeks notice, 2 hours notice, several people off at same time, only one off atcsame time

Do you see how impossible it is for every school to meet every parent's needs?

Not saying it isn't a shit situation, but it was like this when I was at school. Neither parent attended school stuff because of work aand lack of transport. I think if it was possible to address this issue, all schools would have done it ny now

Your post seems strange - did you read the OP? She’s a nurse so can’t wfh and can’t take annual leave as it has to be booked 6 weeks in advance …

Yes parents should be told dates well in advance for major events.
However poor communication between school and parents can often be the way it is received not delivered. Is parents just don't read messages
For eg a couple of weeks ago we were bringing senior classes to a sports event. An email the week before and a text/app notification the evening before as well as children being told was sent to ask children to not bring a snack in a small separate bag they could carry to the venue as there would not be space for schoolbag in the seats.
About 40% of children brought the correct bag .

But no to the evening performances.

Yes, we find the lack of notice difficult. I'm a supply teacher so I just take the day off but husband takes the full last week of term off because we know the events are likely to be in that week but we don't know which days until it's too late for him to take leave. So annoying to have to take a full week of leave to watch a Nativity play.

Teachers never get to attend their own children's events - many others too, yes it's frustrating but these things are always done in the school day because many families can't or won't outside of school time.

My exh saw no Christmas performances, never went to parents evening etc. there were always very few dads. Quite a lot of grandparents because parents couldn't attend. The school recorded Christmas productions and sold for £5 to raise funds

Sorry but as a nurse you should understand all the unpaid hours you do, teachers are the same except on far lower pay than nurses in most cases.

Would you be willing to pay £20-30 per ti ket to see it in an evening to cover staff, insurance, heating the school, electricity etc? Because that is the realistic alternative.

I have found that it can be a bit mixed. Some events such as plays, sports day etc the dates are on the school newsletter well in advance, at the beginning of term. Others are short notice. Do you work shifts? I swap my shifts with colleagues to enable me to go to short notice events. Now and again I miss something which is frustrating but just life. The only parents I know who attend absolutely everything don’t work. Secondary school isn’t as good as primary for giving notice.

I havent read the whole thread, but it truly astounds me that the world of business, schools, health care whatever is set up with a view that people dont work.

It beggars belief really

My school tried evening performances of school plays- half the children didn't get to be in it then because the parents wouldn't bring their children back for it.

You can ask them to give more notice, I agree that would be good.
but YABU to expect teachers to be in school at 6/7pm (where are their own kids then?) to facilitate you attending things. And if you’re a nurse how would 6pm help you, surely nurses are a great example of not working a 9-5?

I agree that for school performances, more notice could be given to enable parents to request leave.

But YABU to complain about things being during the school day unless you are going to pay the overtime for the teachers, caretakers etc to work during the evening.

OP I'm sorry you've missed out on so much, it's so hard being a working parent and not even having the opportunity to balance things well. My only suggestion would be to speak to the school and ask them to be more mindful of the notice they give for fixed events. I'm not sure there's anything they can do for the last minute things though.

Curious but would you work past the time you normally stop work and do lots of unpaid hours? So why should a teacher?

👆 this

No it’s not always been this way because we had evening performances of the Christmas play back when I was in primary school 40 YEARS AGO.

Can your school afford to pay the staff overtime to have these events outside of school hours? I know we can’t.
We did try and out of hours play one year but several key cast members weren’t brought back to school so it spoiled it for the other children and the parents.
As school staff we don’t get to see our children in school events either. It’s honestly not the end of the world.