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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

654 replies

Stormy900 · 02/12/2023 07:42

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

OP posts:
Longma · 11/12/2023 07:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 11/12/2023 07:46

I lived through this as a child. Both parents worked for NHS. So sad that things haven changed. I remember my mom and dad never attending my events. i used to wave to the back wall just to pretend I had someone there or my nan would come.

RecoveryDue · 11/12/2023 07:55

Notmetoo · 10/12/2023 21:27

This.
School is not childcare it is for education. Teacher training courses train people to teach not to provide childcare.
I'm not a teacher but I get extremely annoyed by people who think schools are there to provide free childcare. They don't exist for the parents benefit they are for the child's benefit.

Show quote history

I agree that schools are of course for education. But the way things are set up in this country, parents often do work around school hours. So it becomes a form of childcare by default.

That doesn’t mean the primary function isn’t education. But I am not sure people should get so shocked when parents struggle on inset days etc because their jobs are set up round the kids being at school Monday to Friday.

echt · 11/12/2023 07:57

Why is everyone explaining themselves to the couldn't-care-less OP?

Waste of fucking time.

threatmatrix · 11/12/2023 09:16

Do you think that schools should open and close and do functions around your schedule? I previously answered this comment quite tactfully but the more I think about it the more entitled you seem to be. Teachers already do a full days work but you want them to stay late to accommodate you? You need to get a grip on reality. The children are at school to be educated it’s not daddy daycare.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 11/12/2023 10:00

CurlyhairedAssassin · 05/12/2023 18:48

A mobile phone in the 80s? Not common till mid-late 90s, what's your line of work? Health workers generally worked with pagers till quite late on.

Show quote history

My mom had a bleep in the 80s and a mobile in the 90s...huge brick of a thing. She was an on call community midwife

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 11/12/2023 12:15

ChristmasTreeStar · 10/12/2023 23:16

It is annoying i agree with you. Its almost like schools are set up to still be back in the times where one person doesn’t work and can quite easily get there for 840am drop off/315pm pick ups. Its absurd when most jobs are generally 9-5, not to mention travelling time etc. i feel for you as its even worse working shifts. Schools need updating and bringing into the modern world. Lets not mention the amount of school holidays we have to cover when youve only got 25 days annual leave…

Edited

Ever thought that 9-3 and holiday breaks are for the best interests of the children, not for you?

mantyzer · 11/12/2023 12:28

Holiday breaks are set up for farming needs. It is well researched that children lose a lot of learning over the long summer holidays. It is not in their best interests. Similarly a 9am or in many cases 8.45am start is not in the best interests of children at secondary school.

Longma · 11/12/2023 12:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

OldChinaJug · 11/12/2023 12:43

absurd when most jobs are generally 9-5, not to mention travelling time etc.

Er, that's what after school clubs are for. Children can't concentrate for 7 + hours a day and the teacher need time in our 8-5 day to mark and prep for the following day.

LeggyLegsEleven · 11/12/2023 20:32

Many many schools do not do school clubs though.
Even when DDs primary something it would be one night a week, finishing at 4 and not even for the full term.

The government should do something about it. Even changing the way childminders work just for wraparound care for instance, not having to do all the endless paperwork and learning. Or helping schools set these things up.

OldChinaJug · 11/12/2023 20:36

Well, yes, maybe the government should do something about childcare.

But it's got nothing to do with schools. I'm sure there are many schools that would allow their premises to he used by an after school care provider.

But it's nothing to do with schools.

LolaSmiles · 11/12/2023 20:37

It's worth remembering that after school clubs aren't the same as wraparound childcare.

There's often threads on here where posters are annoyed they have to pick their kids up because Lego club, football, dance or some other after school activity isn't on and they've had to leave work. The mistake they've usually made is that they sign their children up to enrichment clubs instead of making reliable childcare arrangements with a childminder or wraparound care.

OldChinaJug · 11/12/2023 20:39

I agree with the paperwork for childminders, though.

When my daughter went to a childminder, I cared that she was loved and well cared for. I cared that she was treated like one of the family. I cared that she had fun and was happy.

I was as irritated as the CM was once she had to start identifying 'next steps' and checking her off against the ELGs. I wouldn't have been required to do any of that at home as her mother and, just as a school is for education and not childcare, a CM is for childcare and not education!

LeggyLegsEleven · 11/12/2023 22:47

I found when my daughter went to childminders after school she just wanted to play and watch some TV. I’m more than happy with her doing that.

I think there could be some incentive for schools to do wraparound where possible. I’m sure there was a plan a few years ago to push schools to do it but nothing happened. It doesn’t feel fair when your friends a few minutes away have a school that does have cheap proper after school care and you have nothing. If my CM hadn’t started when she did I would have had to quit work. I literally couldn’t find anyone else at the time and DD was too old for the nursery next door.

FancyFanny · 12/12/2023 22:15

Funny how private school kids with even longer holidays don't suffer 'learning loss' and fair better than state schools which have shorter holidays. And top universities like Oxford favour 8 week terms.

mantyzer · 13/12/2023 00:14

@echt Fine, it depends how you define learning.
Below actual research. It is true that the educational loss is often overstated and that children can learn other things from the long summer holidays.

"A recent review of 13 studies which looked at over 50,000 students suggested that they experience an average summer learning loss estimated to equal about one month of the academic year."
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.3102/00346543066003227

mantyzer · 13/12/2023 00:16

@FancyFanny Private school students have significant advantages that boost their learning.
I and no one else has stated that the length of school holidays is the most important factor in educational attainment - because it is not. The most important factor on a population level is wealth.

mantyzer · 13/12/2023 00:17

Although this is not necessarily the case for the ultra wealthy who do not depend on educational achievement or even work to live.

CelestiaNoctis · 13/12/2023 02:02

I'm experiencing this. My kids school had a performance they decided to do outside. In December. When it's been very rainy lately. All set up snd times sent out 3 weeks before. Everything planned. They cancelled it on the day due to rain and said it would be rescheduled for the next day. Who's gonna be able to attend that on such short notice??

CelestiaNoctis · 13/12/2023 02:03

This was today that happened and its been scheduled for tomorrow. But everything was set up for today and I'm not available tomorrow and surely most parents are the same. It makes no sense.

ithinkmyheadiscavingin · 16/12/2023 17:26

LolaSmiles · 11/12/2023 20:37

It's worth remembering that after school clubs aren't the same as wraparound childcare.

There's often threads on here where posters are annoyed they have to pick their kids up because Lego club, football, dance or some other after school activity isn't on and they've had to leave work. The mistake they've usually made is that they sign their children up to enrichment clubs instead of making reliable childcare arrangements with a childminder or wraparound care.

That's actually why I refuse to run after-school clubs as a teacher.

Half the children who have spaces booked for them don't actually want to be there for the particular club ... it's parents who want them there for childminding purposes. So you end up with bored/disruptive/unhappy children who ruin it for the children who do want to be there, and they also take up spaces of children whose parents who did want to join but weren't quick enough to register them before the 'childminder set'.

Completely thankless thing to do, honestly.

ithinkmyheadiscavingin · 16/12/2023 17:28

mantyzer · 13/12/2023 00:16

@FancyFanny Private school students have significant advantages that boost their learning.
I and no one else has stated that the length of school holidays is the most important factor in educational attainment - because it is not. The most important factor on a population level is wealth.

100%

Money buys advantages over all else in education. Way of the world I'm afraid.

Mikimoto · 17/12/2023 07:29

CelestiaNoctis · 13/12/2023 02:02

I'm experiencing this. My kids school had a performance they decided to do outside. In December. When it's been very rainy lately. All set up snd times sent out 3 weeks before. Everything planned. They cancelled it on the day due to rain and said it would be rescheduled for the next day. Who's gonna be able to attend that on such short notice??

Who can attend on a Sunday? Probably 90+% of the parents.