To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

[Stormy900]

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

It’s a total nightmare for teachers. They work too and I don’t blame them for wanting not to have to take time away from their own kids. They work incredibly hard as it is. I think one has to be realistic about this: you can’t please everyone.

I just think some parents don't realise this is a job and not our entire life tbh!

State primaries seem to be awful for no notice. We've done a mix of state and private schools - our first private school gave a booklet at the start of term with the key dates in so that parents could plan. It doesn't need to be that fancy, just a printed list would be fine. There is no reason apart from bad planning why that can't happen.

When I headed the PTA at Ds1's first school, I made it a condition that we did put out the dates early. I'm an optometrist and i can't just cancel a patient list if the kids have a concert/play.

@mantyzer you've totally ignored my post and any posts from other school staff explaining how staff help kids. You clearly have an agenda but it's really annoying that you'll only engage to make the same few points.

Surely by primary your kids are old enough to understand the idea of work? Mine are early primary and we certainly don't have floods of tears over me missing the assembly or sports days! I'm a teacher, DH is emergency services and no grandparents. Do you not know anyone in your kids class thats going? I often say Xs mum will be watching. But basically I trust the staff to do their job and help kids and I try and build resilience in my kids so they know I love them and am proud even though I can't be there for school events.

Tbf I've said this in my last posts already but I'll try again 😂

When I was at primary school in the 80s/90s there were hardly any events that parents were expected to attend. I think it was the nativities and that was it, and they were in the evening. It’s odd because there was a far greater proportion of SAHMs back then!

The main issue is lack of notice. There is little excuse for this these days with online calendars. I can go on DDs secondary school website and everything is on there. Primary school it was a total mystery and the school secretary was not approachable in anyway, I’m not sure she would even have told you that much.

There was a mum I spoke to who had taken the afternoon off for an ‘open afternoon’ which basically you went to look at your kids books and then you take them home at 1.30pm. It was a glorified early finish. We were pressured to go.
But a week later there was a performance where this woman’s child had a part and she had to miss it as work wouldn’t give her more time off. She said if she had known she could have prioritised.

I work in a primary school office. I answered two phone calls today where a parent was asking when the nativity play was happening and another asking when the last day of term is. All this information has appeared in several communications already - An email in the first week of term which listed all dates and events already planned at that time (including Christmas shows and all term dates until July 24); all children took home a “reference booklet” in September, this had all term dates, school hours, contact details, what to do in event of sickness etc.; a newsletter has gone out every month, this has included all dates including nativity play, dress down days, term dates; an email was sent again beginning of this half term again with all dates and including a couple of things added since the previous email (for NEXT term).
Yet one of the parents that called today was complaining about the short notice - “I saw the newsletters but I don’t have time to read everything you send out”. The one calling about the end of term date told me she’d looked on the website but the calendar was blank. I looked myself and could see all the dates - we couldn’t understand it. She came to me at pick up and showed me the blank calendar on “our” website - she had gone to the website (names changed obvs) [email protected] instead of [email protected] We seriously do try to keep everyone informed but there is only so much we can do with the resources we have.

Has it not occurred to you that the school staff likely have children too ? That they work from 8am and you think they should work into the evening and have to find childcare themselves so that you are able to go to a performance ?

I don’t think you are meaning anything bad by your post , it’s upsetting to have to mi things and I understand , but I think you’re overlooking the fact that most teachers have their own families too and also underestimating the workload of teachers - they are teaching your child, planning their work, marking it, monitoring their progress , and they do that for 30 children ….. in the nicest way possible , reaching out to make sure your child has told you about an award assembly is probably very low on their list of priorities .

You chose a career that meant you work during school hours…

It is not the teachers. Teachers now have no autonomy whatsoever . They are constrained by rules , they have to teach what they are told to teach, when they are told to teach it and how they are told to teach it. Teaching I not well paid and the workload is insane …. You don’t go into this career for money or a work live balance , you go into it because you are passionate about children’s education but sadly it is no longer about the child x

I would absolutely request an annual calendar of everything parents will be invited to. It isn't a hard job for them and they will absolutely have this information internally anyway (unless it's just absolute chaos there and they're making it up as they go along, in which case, I'd seriously consider whether it's the right place for my DC to go!)

If they're resistant, complain to governors with details of what you've written here asking for this simple solution to your daughter's unnecessary sadness. I'd be heartbroken too.

I would complain to the school and tell them to produce a calendar for the year. It’s not difficult.

I think there are 2 strands to this. People shouldn't expect teachers to work out of hours. But, schools regularly give terrible notice of event timings. Mine sometimes gives a date or a time slot a few days before. With more notice parents would stand a better chance of being there and it isn't reasonable or professional for instance to give 2 days notice of harvest festival mass or a day for sports day but no rough time slot for the event until a days or so before so you can't plan whether you can go or give anyone else reasonable notice. Ditto dress in purple/ like an elf notice on a Friday for Monday. IMO that is where a lot of the issue lies. Hardly any thought is given to othet things that might be going on like halloween before school trips are planned the next day etc.

Why would Halloween prevent children from going on a trip the next day. Surely if they have school the next day you don't over tyre them on Halloween if they are likely to get tired during the day. Sorry but school avoiding trips the day after Halloween is ridiculous, it's a school day.

Its not if its the only residential the children have ever been on. Scheduling between halloween and fireworks night when its cold and wet when the whole year is available at a busy time domestically is poor planning IMO

Also I work in education too

Is it's not convenient don't send your child. My kids residentials where always in winter because that's when the school where allocated activity centre ( lots of schools and groups book into it) .it's not just about your school it's about availability.

I did work in a school office. One that did give notice of events! But the things schools take into account when planning are not the same things parents take into account. But it doesnt mean they arent planned. Just different criteria. (I should caveat that some schools may be crap at planning too which is a shame)

A lot is built around when the base line, and key stage assessments are as they are teacher/TA heavy to administer. Some is venue availability and price (which is cheaper in less popular weeks) some is curriculumn planning - so its no point visiting the castle when the castle topic is over, some of it is staff availability out of hours, like their own family birthdays, or surgery or jury service. Some of it is the school has booked a therapist for a particular week to see a range of children so you need the whole school on site as the visits are like gold dust, or the health visitors are coming for rising 5 checks and flu vaccines are booked in, or its census day, Suddenly you find theres only about 3 weeks in the year where you can go away easily without it impacting something else.

@Maxus how about the day or 2 notice for timing for events like sports day, is that down to availability or inconsiderate?

I wasn't responding to that part of your post.

As sports days tend to be weather dependent, any school I've experienced have a planned sports day + at least 1 back up day planned months in advance and visible on the school website and newsletter. Final confirmation might only be possible a day or 2 before if its a particularly wet summer.

Our school is in no way chaotic but we don't have things a year in advance. We have to wait for people like the minister to agree times for church services. We always give about 8 weeks' notice.

@Maxus I was just interested in your thoughts in the wider point of my post being if schools offered more notice it would generally be helpful. Whilst the OP did mention events being in school hours and lots of people have responded as to why that may not be reasonable few have conceeded or included the issue in their response that failure to provide adequate notice of events and their timing is unfair on those that need more notice to plan and unrelated to whether an event takes part in the school day. @fuckityfuckityfuckfuck I agree a second option day is common. I am talking about trailing the date for weeks without saying whether an event is taking place in the morning or the afternoon until virtually the day before.