Disagreement with husband over money

[moanymoanymoany]

I feel husband is very selfish and doesn't contribute as much as he should.

We got married this year and our finances have alway been separate and I am not happy with the lack of contribution from his side. I've not even asked for half of the bills or contributions towards the kids - I'd like him to contribute £300.

I pay -
All bills amounting to £1400 a month - that's including my personal DD. We also have children, I pay for everything for them ( that's not included in bills)

He sold his house and only has to pay for the car that he uses, I don't use it and he rarely takes me places in it. It's more for him to go to work, gym and also help his take his family places. The car is electric and pretty low maintenance- he pays for the electric used.
He has personal DD's that he pays for, they roughly come up to £400 a month.

After that his money is his and saves a lot after this.

I earn more than him roughly by £600 a month but we got into a disagreement about me asking him to contribute more. He made every excuse of how he has this and that to pay for.

We are going to buy a house soon with going half on everything. I am worried about money, I always will as I was was in a very abusive, toxic relationship, with a selfish man who didn't help at all financially - I don't want to make the same mistake again. I'm getting the same selfish vibes.

He wasn't like this at the start, after we had our first child his attitude changed.

AIBU - to feel like I shouldn't have to pay all the bills alone and he does not contribute financially to the house hold/kids?

@moanymoanymoany

Have you spoken to your parents about this? You really should, they can be a great help in getting him out.

I know you said you wanted to take today 'as another day' but the longer you allow him to remain the harder it's going to be to get him to leave.

Once you get him out I suggest you get a good counselor to help you work through why you were so vulnerable to 'his type' of man. It's perfectly OK to say 'never again in my life' but it can still be a good thing to figure out why this happened. I did just that and it really made a difference in my life overall, not just with regards to men.

Again, should you choose to never have another relationship, that's a perfectly valid life choice. Just be sure you're making that choice from clear self-knowledge.

That didn't take long from recent marriage to house buying plan to ditching/ divorcing. There is always vulnerability of one kind or another and it's unfortunate but it's better to see and try to understand it and change for the future, rather than blaming yourself (which is a waste of life energy) or repeating a bad old pattern. Make sure you speak to your parents, keep them close and get their help to manage this upheaval. You must have their support to carry through your resolve.

@moanymoanymoany I hope you were able to keep your resolve through the weekend. Assuming you both don't work weekends, it's a long time to sit with this especially if he's in the house. Hopefully, you managed to get some support to help you.

It’s really not. There is also the alternative of paying all bills from joint income then taking half each of whatever is left to use as you please.

It's also fair to pay proportionately for things from your own accounts with no organised joint pot but @moanymoanymoany 's hopefully STBX isn't interested in fairness, however it's organised, so it's a pointless discussion.

Seriously, this man is no good. He appears to be dodging his financial responsibilities and people like this rarely change. He sounds extremely selfish and buying a house with him is the absoloute worst thing you could do. You need to get rid of him and soon. Be financially independent and own your own property and save yourself the hassle and heartache further down the line. You really don't need the stress of his selfish irresponsible ways!