I've just made myself look so insecure and desperate haven't I?

[arghksk]

Been on 4 dates with a guy I met around 7 weeks ago (dates been slow due to my schedule). Wasn't too fussed on him at first but starting to like him and look forward to hearing from him.

However, I am aware I have an anxious attachment style but recently I have noticed a change in the tone of our texts. He still initiates equally but the texts are short, there is less banter on his side, hardly any questions etc. There's just been a change and I feel I am carrying the conversation even when he texts first.

He has said he isn't chatting or seeing anyone but of course that's really none of my business. I do wonder if he's met someone else but once again not sure if I'm just being paranoid due to my attachment style.

Tonight I sent him this text, 'Is everything okay? I feel like the tone in our messages have changed and I’m just bugging you. Just say if I am x'

He replied, 'nah just watching the football x'

I am cringing now and feel like I've made myself appear so desperate and needy now.

Have I? Is that quite a dismissive text he sent? I really don't know if I can do this. I feel so so so triggered and feel sick to my stomach. Can't eat properly as this knot in my stomach.

Struggle to see the wood from the trees, whether it's my issues or whether something is really wrong.

@beatrix1234 I mean, he is a stranger I suppose, I didn't know him before the wedding but I wasn't actively looking for anything. I think you're very right. One of these days.

The problem with car crashes is they suck your energy, make you anxious, ill, leave you with your self esteem on tatters and will sometimes give you an STD. That's 3 months of your life wasted that you could have been seeing friends, spending quality time with your son and gardening so please seek that therapy asap because car crashes are so not worth it. You only live once.

The bar of men is low in general lol.

If you met him at a wedding have you got a mutual friend who can give a bit more background on him? Perhaps let you know if he’s decent or one to avoid? I wouldn’t text him anymore today though.

OP I don’t think you’re unhinged. The girls I know who are in their 30s, single and on dating apps do exactly the same thing you’re doing. Overanalysing everything, every text, ‘oh he took 2 hours to reply so I’ll play it cool’ etc… it just seems to be dating these days 🤷🏻‍♀️

@appallingadvice Your post are so unnecessary and mean! Do you feel better about yourself now you've spread your venom around?

You are right, I am sorry. I got exasperated and it was unnecesary and mean @arghksk please accept my apologies I am going to sign off now.

@appallingadvice no apologies necessary. I can see why I'm frustrating. The situation is frustrating to me.

Just sounds like typical dating to me 🤷‍♀️ it’s easy to misconstrue texts even with people you know really well! And you’re trying to work each other out etc. Maybe you need to be vulnerable with each other and really talk properly before having sex though. I thought it was kind of sweet he told you to relax , maybe he gets you more than you realise and will be good to chill you out 🤷‍♀️ Maybe you could arrange a phone call in between dates?

If you don't like how this guy is making you feel stop. You are allowed to and do not need a reason.

That's what it's all about at this stage and honestly if he's not chomping at the bit at this stage (not had sex yet but on the table) then he's likely not that into you or something is a bit amiss

Sorry to be such a pain. But he's really making the effort tonight now. Funny banter.

You will be fine OP, stop fretting!!!!!!!!!!!! You are not unhinged you just suffer from anxiety that you are struggling to keep under control atm. I would focus on the things you have in common, and the banter you share if you are struggling to think something to text about and just take it from there 😊

Ignore these guys, they sound more crazy than you do for sure 😂 Just try and chill and trust your feelings, and be safe. You’re not mad, mumsnet is being very mean to you.

I am kind of invested in the outcome of this now OP

Me too. Do we get a wedding invite?

He sounds like he’s not too bothered anymore ? Sound like he found someone else and he’s seeing which one of you works out better ?! Don’t want to let go of you completely yet ? But prefers the other girl more ? And if the other girl is not right he’ll come straight back to you .

Have you slept with him yet? I haven’t read it all! If so then probably worth pursuing and making more effort to see him. If not and you’ve barely had any dates in a couple of months it doesn’t sound worth the hassle and he’s probably losing interest.

Posting on here is not going to help with this situation your going to get mixed responses that if anything will make it worse. You have to let the uncomfortable feelings sit and ride them out. A journal might help. He might well be an arse who is pulling back or you might have a fab time together at the weekend. Only time will tell but you do need to see about therapy for your anxiety. I would be wary of getting too far into a relationship without addressing it as there will be a power imbalance

Just seen all your posts OP!

What happened in the end?

I do think he knows he’s got you hanging and is enjoying the power. He could easily have told you quickly a yes or a no but took his time because he knows you’re into him.

I was very much like this and part of you knows that you deserve better/they’re not as into you as you are them, but when I met DH he was wanting to see me as much as possible and calling and texting all the time and I felt so secure and knew he was into me.

Do you think he’s going to keep making you feel insecure and intense?

Duckling's suggestion is very good. Worth a try OP?

@arghksk How old are you?

How old is he?

How old is his child / children?

Stop overthinking. Go with the flow. Relax.

I think this the most ive commented on a thread. I bet your experiencing highs and lows with the msging, when he is dostant you are low and as soon as he replies good you are on a high. You need to regulate yourself and not base it on his msgs. I sit here saying this after i got a crush on someone after my marriage break up and omg it was awful the confusion, the msging, the leading me on, I just think if things are meant to be it will be easy just bloody relax because then at least if it dont work out you can walk away with your head held high

Exactly. I think it’s fine that you’re dating, OP, and you don’t need to withdraw from dating entirely and get “intensive therapy”. This thread has become ridiculous. Many of us feel anxious when dating, don’t feel you’re a freak, please!