I've just made myself look so insecure and desperate haven't I?

[arghksk]

Been on 4 dates with a guy I met around 7 weeks ago (dates been slow due to my schedule). Wasn't too fussed on him at first but starting to like him and look forward to hearing from him.

However, I am aware I have an anxious attachment style but recently I have noticed a change in the tone of our texts. He still initiates equally but the texts are short, there is less banter on his side, hardly any questions etc. There's just been a change and I feel I am carrying the conversation even when he texts first.

He has said he isn't chatting or seeing anyone but of course that's really none of my business. I do wonder if he's met someone else but once again not sure if I'm just being paranoid due to my attachment style.

Tonight I sent him this text, 'Is everything okay? I feel like the tone in our messages have changed and I’m just bugging you. Just say if I am x'

He replied, 'nah just watching the football x'

I am cringing now and feel like I've made myself appear so desperate and needy now.

Have I? Is that quite a dismissive text he sent? I really don't know if I can do this. I feel so so so triggered and feel sick to my stomach. Can't eat properly as this knot in my stomach.

Struggle to see the wood from the trees, whether it's my issues or whether something is really wrong.

Run op. He sounds like an immature little boy. I can say this because I've met more than my fair share and like you I always looked to blame myself. Your gut is screaming at you so listen to it.

OP, it’s pretty clear that you’re going to see him no matter what he says or does, so I hope you have a great time.

Please just make sure this man who you really don’t know well and is so peculiar that he texts ‘done’ after wanking isn’t staying over in your child’s home while she’s there too. That’s idiotic to the extreme and awful parenting. If you are in fact a social worker, irrespective of which strand of SW you specialise in, then you should know better than to do that.

OP, Don't meet this guy.
Take a break from dating. You're overthinking and reading too much into this.

He'll want a shag and then ghost you, can see it a mile off.

Sorry but you've over invested too soon. 4 dates in should be fun, not gut-wrenchingly stressful for you.

He's awful. Honestly. Get out now before you get even more overly invested with him.

You’re overthinking this massively. And I say this as a massive overthinking myself - chill out.

So is he staying over at yours whilst your daughter is there? As you mention getting a babysitter so whether already in bed or not she could encounter this awful man?!

Why is your bar so low??

Please OP take notice of the posters advising you not to persue this.
I was in a similar position about 10 years ago and ended up having a breakdown over a worthless excuse of a man.
If you need to feel loved and wanted, wait until you meet someone worthy of your love. Good luck.

This.

Mate, he's going to shag and ghost. You don't sound like you'd cope well with that, so DON'T DO IT.

Dude, I really wish you'd sack this absolute joker off but you won't. I do it, I think I was a bit like you when I was younger, zero self-confidence and obsessed with anyone who threw me a tiny bit of interest.

I'm sad for you. This is going nowhere, he sounds horrible. You deserve better.

Hoping this joker is going to cancel on you as you are strong enough do it.

How has this not given you the instant ick? Honestly, he's telling you loud and clear what this is, I would bet my house he's going to hit and run.

Put the fuckboy down and treat yourself to some festive self care tomorrow xx

I do think the wank message was weird and everyone is blaming the guy im not saying he is good but what has he exactly done youre the one dissecting his msgs as I said before it was you that changed how you felt and rhats why you are now bothered about his msgs. I have been there and the waiting and anxiety is vile and quite scary and pathetic of the state you can get in over it speaking from experience. Just please keep busy and be normal with him. I feel like as stupid as it sounds the universe/guys can sense when you are clinging to your phone, you want to be attractive and cool

If he was the one you wouldn’t feel like this as his behaviour would reassure you. If he’s a bit dismissive and disinterested after four dates it’s not going to get any better. I’d move on op.

He sounds vile, raise you bar OP

The wank message is very crass. Call me old-fashioned but it's not something I want to know about. He may well be a nice man but you are too invested too early. You said you're a social worker, what would your advice be to a vulnerable client if they were to come to you?

Totally agree. She's a glutton for punishment. We're wasting our time.

His dog has had a seizure so I reckon laying the groundwork to cancel tomorrow

Well I don't think I'm a vulnerable person. But I'd be telling them to concentrate on themselves. However it's very easy to give advice which you struggle to take yourself.

I just didn't want him coming over expecting a shag and then I'm like 'no I can't' and he gets annoyed or feels like he's wasted his time.

Whhhaaaat? You think spending time with you would be a 'waste of time'? You're not ready to date anyone - let alone this creep.

Maybe it walked in on him having his wank?

I'm not liking this guy much either to be honest.

Probably.

Hopefully.

OP, I don't want to be mean but the more I read this thread the more totally unhinged you sound. How on earth are you holding down a job?

What specific comment? At this moment I am barely managing tbh

I don't want to be mean BUT...

FGS, that comment is incredibly mean