I've just made myself look so insecure and desperate haven't I?

[arghksk]

Been on 4 dates with a guy I met around 7 weeks ago (dates been slow due to my schedule). Wasn't too fussed on him at first but starting to like him and look forward to hearing from him.

However, I am aware I have an anxious attachment style but recently I have noticed a change in the tone of our texts. He still initiates equally but the texts are short, there is less banter on his side, hardly any questions etc. There's just been a change and I feel I am carrying the conversation even when he texts first.

He has said he isn't chatting or seeing anyone but of course that's really none of my business. I do wonder if he's met someone else but once again not sure if I'm just being paranoid due to my attachment style.

Tonight I sent him this text, 'Is everything okay? I feel like the tone in our messages have changed and I’m just bugging you. Just say if I am x'

He replied, 'nah just watching the football x'

I am cringing now and feel like I've made myself appear so desperate and needy now.

Have I? Is that quite a dismissive text he sent? I really don't know if I can do this. I feel so so so triggered and feel sick to my stomach. Can't eat properly as this knot in my stomach.

Struggle to see the wood from the trees, whether it's my issues or whether something is really wrong.

@AriaPLL Bit shitty bringing her child into this, she can be an excellent mother and have anxiety and abandonment issues at the same time.

So how do you feel about that reply OP?

Relax? No you relax buddy. Just learn to answer texts properly! Hate it when people tell me to relax. How you feeling now OP?

You're not even vaguely ready for a relationship or even casual hook up.

I'm honestly happy some people think this is a troll because it is so far removed from their experience. That is great - how it should be. Unfortunately I identify with the OP far more than makes me comfortable. It never really occurred to me that I should like them, it was all about making them like me and putting up with crap and walking on eggshells to be perfect and make them feel good no matter what pain and heartbreak it put me through.

I honestly recommend stepping back from it all; definitely wankman, but dating in general until you value yourself more and learn how to be alone and happy. There is so much joy in having the power to walk away at the first whiff of BS because you know you deserve better and will be fine alone.

Disagree. She's inviting some guy she's met four times to her house.

In general, she lacks boundaries.

How many times must you meet a person before you invite them over @AriaPLL?

Please stop texting him OP.

Whether you meet or not and whether he’s the one for you - there is no need to contact anyone multiple times a day. It makes you look needy and leaves you vulnerable and it is irritating to be on the receiving end of it.

The bloke has red flags all over him and you are still asking HIM if he is still wanting to see you tomorrow?
🙈

If you feel like this after 4 dates it is not the right thing for you just now.

After 4 dates there should still be that flutter of nice nerves / anticipation but not anxiety.

I do think the constant texting can get a bit much & I would also start running out of things to say (“What are you up to? Watching telly. Oh, me too”) but if you have made a date you shouldn’t be in doubt over whether it’s happening or not.

Or maybe I'm the massive walking red flag? He sent me a reassuring message saying he's just been busy but will be there so I think maybe it's me?

“No I won’t relax because I’m an adult with commitments and a small child that needs to be arranged child care in advance hence the reason I can’t do last minute dates, and you being a grown up should know that”

Some blokes aren't put off by a bit of crime scene sex. You'll not be happy unless you know. He's probably not agonising over things the way you are. Dates on, just enjoy spending time together.

Nosey me will be expecting a report on Sunday morning 😂

Please, please, please, stop doing this. Are you going to spend the rest of your life dancing to the tune of whatever man will give you the tiniest atom or scrap of attention?

What is the situation with the father of your small child? It sounds relatively recent if the child is that young. How did that relationship fare? Was he similar to this .... person ... you now are dancing to? Have you ever considered stepping back from men and dating for a while to work on your self-esteem and self-respect, and gain perspective on what makes for a decent human being? Before you get involved with another asshole.

What is your education and career situation? What are your aspirations for yourself?

I’m expecting a new thread popping up in two weeks “had sex with this guy and haven’t heard back from him since, did I do something wrong?”

I just can't even imagine how low your self-esteem must be to be interested in this weirdo. You surely know this is not a normal thing to do, to text "done"?

You deserve far more - I know that without even knowing you!

And yet you actually are thinking of sleeping with this guy? Why? Just, why????

Someone who has managed to make you feel like shit after a measly four dates and a few weeks' acquaintance, and you are going to get naked and take him into your bed and body, a virtual stranger who makes you anxious and crying and feeling like shit. Do you ever stop to ask yourself, what the hell am I doing?

@LaurieStrode my daughter is 10. Good relationship with her dad. I have been single since she was 2. Odd shag etc here and there. I am a social worker.

“had sex with this guy and haven’t heard back from him since, and now I think I might be pregnant, did I do something wrong?”

fixed that for you, @beatrix1234

see you’re clearly over thinking every single thing he says and does and you need to chill!!

I don't think this is about the bloke anymore @arghksk

I think your angst, your stress and the amount of head space you are giving all of this isn't healthy or good for you

The early days shouldn't be this much hard work, you should not be feeling this way so early on? How are you going to feel after a "wonderful" date on Saturday if he isn't in contact or his contact isn't as attentive as you need it to be? How will you feel if contact isn't meeting your needs after sex?

I am not saying it is all on you, he doesn't sound like he is putting in much effort but there is absolutely no reason for you to pursue this if it's not making you happy.

Please do not reply until way into the night tonight. Keep that “buzz” you get when he texts you and just hold off sending anything back. You need to realign yourself and give him a chance to “miss you”.
remind yourself that you are a catch, men are lucky to have you, you owe them nothing and your days are wasted having your stomach in knots over. Please do practice positive affirmations. Stand in the mirror and big yourself up. Sounds daft but it’ll help change your mindset. Allow your subconscious brain to follow the conscious; speak out loud some kind, affirming words to yourself, so you actually hear it. Plant it in your head and your life will slowly direct itself the right way. You won’t be self conscious or feeling like you deserve nothing xx

Jesus. If you were my daughter, I’d be warning you to steer clear of this man. C’mon OP have more self respect.

I’m not going to give any more advice. The OP is intent on seeing this grubby individual if he deigns interest tomorrow. I despair, I really do. She’s just hellbent on ignoring the advice, so not sure why she’s still going on this thread. You’re all wasting your time.
If this does go ahead OP & you update that you’ve been ghosted, don’t be surprised to hear a chorus of ‘I told you so’