To think this is my queue to move out now

[Givealittlerespecttome]

After several years of renting and no plan for the future, I tell my boyfriend we need a plan and he says 'I don't know what to say.'
I'm usually the one doing all the work so he sees I'm upset then reluctantly looks at flats for all of 5 minutesethen gets bored.
I ask him hypothetically if he could see himself living with me in another 5-10 years and he sighs and says.. I don't know.. it's hard to say.
The saving grace is that our lettings agency phoned yesterday and said that we never actually signed our tenancy back in September, so technically they're only owed a month's notice.

Go and get the flat. And then go and make the life you deserve for yourself. Because what you have now isn't it.

What would travel costs for work be like, assuming you work?

Get the seaside flat OP! And have a lovely time making it your own. You deserve more than the "meh" relationship

This is not the man for you, IMHO. Unfortunately, I married one a bit like this - I thought he would do something with his life, but it turned out he didn't seem to want to. It was far too long before I realised he never would, but I did, and divorced him.

You can skip all that, by ending it now. From another part of my experience: It may hurt for a couple of years, there may be a dying ember, but it will eventually turn to ash, almost unnoticed...

Sunk cost fallacy.

you don't have to put up with spending a weekend under the faulty belief that you don't want to let them down.

no he's let you down, he 100% didn't have the guts to come clean so let him explain the situation.

meanwhile you have a free weekend to please yourself! ☺️ enjoy

OP I say this kindly, because you sound lovely, but for heaven's sake you need to find your inner diva and start putting your needs first. With every post you sound increasingly servile. You feel more sorry for him than you do yourself, you're tying yourself in knotts because his family will have to cancel a seat at the restaurant, you're apologising to the grammar and spelling pedants, you feel pushy because you asked your waste of space boyfriend if he sees a short term future with you.

Here's one of life's truths that you seriously need to learn; we invite the treatment we tolerate. Stop tolerating a lukewarm, half arsed 'relationship' and start to value yourself more. He's lucky to have you. What on earth do you see in him?

It turns out he did sign the agreement

But YOU didn't sign it. You cannot be made to keep to an agreement that you didn't legally make. It's his tenancy, not yours. Go look at that bedsit and get a ticket refund. Cough cough...I think I have covid 😉

I would imagine that they'll be less than they are now, given that the OP mentions that this studio flat is closer to her work than where she lives at the moment.

The travel costs will be cheaper luckily, I work hybrid remote too. But I'll also be saving on food as I'll only be purchasing it for me.

Yes it is

I'm just scared that the next guy (if there ever is one) will feel the same too. Maybe it comes across that I don't love myself enough? I'd love to know what's off-putting.

I think you need to do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to help you work on your self worth.

You deserve someone who thinks you're great and is engaged about planning a future with you.

I hope the flat works out for you, it sounds great! please update us.

Boyfriend sounds like a coaster who's lazy and unmotivated. Don't be bogged down by it

He is just not the right guy for you. That tells you nothing about yourself (other than you settled unnecessarily) or the next guy in your life. People prize you as highly as you do yourself. So hold yourself and the next dude to a higher standard. The next guy should be MORE eager to be with you, not as tepid as this lazy jerk.

Go and view the flat - I hope it’s good.

I wouldn’t waste any more time on someone who gives you a lukewarm response to those questions. Make an excuse to his family and move on with your life.

What do you want in your future ? Do you want to get engaged / be married / have children ? Do you think you would like to buy somewhere one day ? Do / did you think you and he would be buying some day ?

You have mentioned you are 30+

If your hope is to be married, with children one day. He is not the man for you.

And whilst this sounds terrible, you don't have years to waste Yes i know it's possible to have babies in your 40's, but right now you don't know you can conceive ?

If you have already spotted somewhere near the seaside it does suggest you have been looking ? so really I think you know what you need to do - for you.

If you like tomorrow's place when you view it, are you able to sign up there and then ? pay a deposit etc.

p.s. I see HE signed the tenancy agreement - not you ? so is the rental in his name only...

I have heard a great phrase this week which is “Don’t let a man tell you he doesn’t want you twice”. Sounds to me like you (and your current flat) are very convenient for him but he doesn’t see you as his future. Time to open your life up to better OP, don’t feel guilty at all as he doesn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

Go for the fresh start, the new flat, and dodge the meet the family stuff. If they are lovely, it will be harder.

5 weeks, never mind months!

Seaside flat sounds lovely.

I’m sorry, I can’t understand your post due to your lack of punctuation.

Pathetic

@Givealittlerespecttome

Tell your DP you can’t go because you are coming down with a bug and don’t want to give it to his family.

Contact your ticket agent about your train ticket - often you can get a refund minus a £10 admin fee.

Use that time to plan your exit.

Your remarks are indicative of your self-esteem dwindling. Nothing is wrong with you. You're just not well-matched for the long-term. That's all. Don't over analyse. Maybe once you're on your feet get some counselling to help you reflect and gain perspective. Trust that you deserve everything you want - with someone else. 🩷

I just want to give you a hug OP!

Please don’t be scared that the next guy will be like him. There are plenty of men out there who are ambitious, proactive and able to commit to a relationship. I bet your self esteem has been eroded by being with someone who seems so lukewarm about you - when you strike out on your own and become more choosy about who you let in your life, I think you’ll find yourself naturally increasing your self confidence.

If you’re still reading responses, keep us updated, OP! I‘m rooting so hard for you ❤️ So many mumsnet threads are women listing how awful their partners are then sighing that he’s ‘a really good dad though’ (after listing myriad ways he’s a shite dad). Makes me want to throw my phone 😅 Your fella sounds like my ex, who I finally cut loose after 16 years, and didn’t look back.