To think this is my queue to move out now

[Givealittlerespecttome]

After several years of renting and no plan for the future, I tell my boyfriend we need a plan and he says 'I don't know what to say.'
I'm usually the one doing all the work so he sees I'm upset then reluctantly looks at flats for all of 5 minutesethen gets bored.
I ask him hypothetically if he could see himself living with me in another 5-10 years and he sighs and says.. I don't know.. it's hard to say.
The saving grace is that our lettings agency phoned yesterday and said that we never actually signed our tenancy back in September, so technically they're only owed a month's notice.

And I think your problem is that you think you’re guardian of the internet !! Do everyone else a favour on this thread and stop derailing it - as I suggested way upthread if you had bothered to read back that far.

Bad advice. Why encourage an OP who is tired of drifting along with someone who appears to regard life with her in terms of a tenancy agreement he’s not sure he wants to sign off on, to continue to drift along and waste even more of her own life? This is not what she wants.

OP, I had a friend who sounds rather like your boyfriend. His longterm girlfriend got tired of hanging about, proposed to him, organised the wedding, organised the IVF when they couldn’t conceive, did all the family admin while working FT while he sort of drifted along bemusedly. When in the end he asked her a divorce (because he was living her life), she had to research rentals and organise the removal van to get him to move out, about five months later.

Even if he decides he wants to stay, do you really want to be the one dragging his passive ass along through life?

Good luck with the viewing, OP.

If you’re going to get this upset about spelling and grammar, then please resubmit your paragraph to remove excess commas and include appropriate grammar and proper sentence structure. Also, please tell us what a “debTe” is, and a “bleat” from your previous post. Thanks.
Alternatively, you could just stop being a titanic arse when the OP has explained - multiple times - that she is upset and made a genuine error.

After nearly 3 years he should know if he wants to commit or not, trying to palm you off with 'I'm not sure' answers means he is a liar. He knows, he just doesn't want to rock the boat. He is just bobbing happily along and, I'm sorry to be harsh, but you sound like his Miss Right Now rather than Miss Right. You can do SO much better.

Can I suggest that we draw a line under the spelling and grammar comments now. It’s insufferable, it’s derailing the thread and it’s not helping OP.

You said it for me. It matters to me, too. MN users generally used to be reasonably literate. Now they are generally not (this is not a dig at the OP: just stating a fact).

This is a good thing as it means Mumsnet is now a means of support and advice to a much wider, and more diverse group of parents.

Also, I’d be completely upfront about why you’re not going to meet his family, to both him and his family. I don’t see why you should be concerned about awkwardness.

Are you the pedantic spelling pedant spotter?@

Its a sign.
Grab that bedsit.
Don't waste any more time.
The pain will pass, but regret for wasting years when deep down you know he just doesn't care enough is awful.

You are his good enough for now person.

You deserve better.

Move out and put yourself first.
You have wasted enough time with him.

Take that flat and give yourself the best chance for a better future.

All his family has done is made a restaurant booking - it's not as though they've bought in loads of food and been cooking for weeks.

I do think it's time for you to go. A little place by the sea sounds lovely - it'll be a fresh start for you. You will find yourself rejuvenated once his dead weight has gone.

Hope the viewing goes well
It's time to put yourself first

You're doing right. He should be really sure about you by now.

The spelling witches should fuck off.

Do it ! Don’t waste your life waiting to see what someone less wants . Go make your own life

I’d seriously consider this, he’s a procrastinator and will probably coast along, forever letting you do the hard graft if you do have children with him.
At least you’ll have a place of your own, closer to work and cheaper too. I live near the seaside, flats are soon snapped up so don’t take too long.

you deeply love an aimless loser who spends his time fucking about on YouTube - why?

leave him to his silly videos

Honestly don’t know why you are whipping yourself so much

go enjoy your life by the sea and find a man who is into you- he isn’t

he’ll be sad if you leave because he’ll loose his sex maid cleaner who also pays half the bills

Women are wired differently to men. You can feel your biological clock ticking. My advice from a 49 year old male. Take the cue, get rid (in the nicest way) and find someone for the next chapter of your life.

I agree. The sea gives energy. X

Don’t let your life be drained away but by bit by someone who doesn’t care. Be your own force is getting the life you want and deserve!

Sit down and think about why you want out of life, if/when you want to own a home/get married/have kids etc (how old are you?) tell him you would like a serious conversation about the future and choose a time to sit down. Put it to him- what forms he want, is it similar? Can you come to a compromise? Or is it so different it’s not worth continuing. Obviously as a girl of kids are in your intentions that has a time limit so you will need to decide for certain at some stage.

It is helpful though, from the title I expected it to be a supermarket spat!

Hi @Givealittlerespecttome

You need to prioritise yourself in these situations. Don’t put the feelings of others before yours on the important stuff!

I’ve seen woman waste their 20’s & 30’s with men who didn’t stick around long term. One never had children although she wanted to.

If you want to build a life with commitment & children then you need someone who matches your dreams & values on these issues.

You can wait for people to change but it’s a risky game with no guarantees.

Don’t settle for less than you deserve.

Her instinct has been to cut and run. She's already talked to him - he was indecisive and incoherent. She's wasting her precious life on someone who doesn't want her - or anything - enough to fight for it, or even to state he actually wants it. She needs to leave.

If someone sighed and said I don’t know, when I asked them if they saw a future with me I would call it a day on the relationship. Do it before you spend another three years with him. The sigh alone is a sign. My DH sighs if I ask him to pick up dog pooh in the garden, not if I see us together in 3 years.