Page 9 | To not want DH to cover team Christmas meal?

ActDottie · 01/12/2023 17:48

Normally managers might cover the first round of drinks etc. that kinda thing but I’ve never known them to cover the full meal.

godmum56 · 01/12/2023 17:48

ChristmasMeal · 29/11/2023 21:46

DH is a Team Manager. He is going out with his team this weekend for a Christmas meal and has said to me he is going to be covering the entire bill for the meal, himself and three others. I've said I don't agree with this, while it wouldn't completely bankrupt us, it would leave us with a smaller budget to buy Christmas gifts for family.

I get the feeling he wants to cover as he's a relatively new Team Manager and wants to appear cool and likeable but I worry he's setting a precedence for future years too.

AIBU for not wanting him to cover everyone's meal?

he's what? what the actual f?

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 01/12/2023 17:54

CarrotCake01 · 30/11/2023 13:49

I think it depends.

I work for a small company atm and we had our Christmas meal last night. There were 10 of us and the boss paid the whole bill.

I've worked for large companies who would hire a venue and music, pay for a buffet and pay the first 2 drinks for each person and their +1.

I don't think people necessarily MIND paying for their own things but in my experience it's seen as a Christmas treat for the employees. I've never had to fork out personally.

I'd say whatever is decided, let everyone know in advance so no-one is left embarrassed!

OP's husband is an employee in the public sector. He's not an employer. There's no comparison with a private sector Christmas do.

Rosscameasdoody · 01/12/2023 18:00

Highlyflavouredgravy · 29/11/2023 21:50

Surely he can expense it?

Not if it’s public sector.

Kisskiss · 01/12/2023 18:07

I think yabu. It’s quite common in many places for the team manager to treat the team even during the year and certainly at Christmas.. it’s good for goodwill and team building as well. If he only plans on doing it once a year I don’t see why not unless you really cannot afford it?
also feels strange to dictate what he can and cannot do, especially if he thinks he should do it for career purposes - it’s an investment from his point of view

Madamum18 · 01/12/2023 18:08

When leading a small team I would always order some bottles of wine for the table that I paid for. Or a round of drinks. Paying for everyone's meal seems too muchn

UsingChangeofName · 01/12/2023 18:10

I think yabu. It’s quite common in many places for the team manager to treat the team even during the year and certainly at Christmas..

Can you give us examples of which public sector teams this is common place in ?

Verbena17 · 01/12/2023 18:11

He’s being ridiculous! Nobody expects it. Depending on how many people, he could buy a couple of bottles of wine for the table or a round of drinks but he’s sacrificing your own family for work colleagues. Nobody will expect him to do that!

starsinthenightskies · 01/12/2023 18:16

I used to work in the public sector and this definitely wasn’t standard practice. Often the managers aren’t earning that much more anyway. Buying a round of drinks would be plenty.

pollymere · 01/12/2023 18:22

If work aren't covering costs, then I think he needs to realise this could look bad on the Company if he offers to pay. Unless he's aware of any real hardship in his group, I think his best bet is to buy the first round of drinks but otherwise people will feel uncomfortable.

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 01/12/2023 18:23

I work in the public sector and have moved round teams. Some managers cover the bill, some cover drinks, others pay for nothing at all. It’s not expected but the gesture is very much appreciated. Have his previous managers done this so he assumes it’s the norm? (Which it can be within some services in the public sector)

whatnowitsoverseekingadvice · 01/12/2023 18:33

I work in the public sector too and with a small team (up to 5) the team manager generally pays for the meal. With larger teams, the managers tend to just cover drinks with meal or put a sum behind the bar. Given the size of the OPs DH's team, covering the meal would be the norm but no-one would feel short-changed if the DH said "I'd like to buy you all your meal and you all just pay for your drinks" which prevents p**s-taking

Yikealikes · 01/12/2023 18:34

My manager used to buy us a drink each and we were all very pleased with this. I wouldn't expect the manager in the public sector to good the bill. In another role in public sector, I was on the lowest salary in the team, only had a main/soft drink. The head of department and manager had alcohol and 3 courses, and decided we would split the bill evenly! That hacked me off!

momtoboys · 01/12/2023 18:39

From a person who has been married to the man who wants to be cool and be liked in every situation, try to nip this in the bud or it will last forever.

Viviennemary · 01/12/2023 18:40

Up to him what he does. Depends on what is customary in his workplace. But usually who is paying would be would be made clear and would be arranged beforehand.

Dotcheck · 01/12/2023 18:42

user1471556818 · 29/11/2023 21:51

No a round of drinks is plenty

Absolutely this.

Anything else it a bit too ‘try hard’ and embarrassing

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 01/12/2023 18:51

First round of drinks and a couple of bottles of wine on the table. Done

andweallsingalong · 01/12/2023 18:55

I think it's a bit different if the previous manager paid and depends how your DH pitched it. If he said let's keep up x's tradition I'm taking you all out for Xmas meal people will have agreed believing he would pay as a thank you for all their hard work for him and previous manager.

Given the precident I think it only fair to not pay if he says in advance it will be £x per person and gives anyone on a tight budget the chance to drop out.

If he does go ahead I would ask him to be crystal clear it's the meal and not the drinks!

Boysnme · 01/12/2023 18:58

I think if his teams performance contributed to him receiving a substantial annual bonus then it’s reasonable for him to consider him paying it. Happy employees could make productivity better and in turn earn him a bigger bonus.

outside of that a round of drinks is totally fine regardless of what other team managers do.

saraclara · 01/12/2023 19:00

Boysnme · 01/12/2023 18:58

I think if his teams performance contributed to him receiving a substantial annual bonus then it’s reasonable for him to consider him paying it. Happy employees could make productivity better and in turn earn him a bigger bonus.

outside of that a round of drinks is totally fine regardless of what other team managers do.

A bonus? In the public sector?

ReadingandEating · 01/12/2023 19:04

I work in the public sector and have never had anything from a manager and never expected it either! This sounds crazy to me. If he wants to treat his team get them all a small gift or a round of drinks it would be much appreciated.

saraclara · 01/12/2023 19:05

andweallsingalong · 01/12/2023 18:55

I think it's a bit different if the previous manager paid and depends how your DH pitched it. If he said let's keep up x's tradition I'm taking you all out for Xmas meal people will have agreed believing he would pay as a thank you for all their hard work for him and previous manager.

Given the precident I think it only fair to not pay if he says in advance it will be £x per person and gives anyone on a tight budget the chance to drop out.

If he does go ahead I would ask him to be crystal clear it's the meal and not the drinks!

No. This is how unacceptable practices grow.

The previous manager stepped outside what is usual and affordable in the sector. If OP's DH continues the practice, then other managers' teams are going to resent their managers not paying for their meal. And a whole bunch of not highly paid people (possibly with young children and high mortgages) are going to be forced into the kind of action that bosses who earn many multiples of their salary in the private sector can willingly do.

The previous manager was a one off. OP's husband has to prevent this growing and should show his appreciation in the usual, and affordable way. His team might like him to pay, his fellow managers will very much not appreciate it.

Calliopespa · 01/12/2023 19:06

twirlywoop · 29/11/2023 21:57

It's a bit show offy. Better to just buy a round of drinks. Otherwise it's a bit LOOOK UNDERLINGS I AM YOUR LORD

Show him this post! 🤣👍

Dogeatdog · 01/12/2023 19:16

I’m in public sector , we get an extra hour off for a Christmas lunch and occasionally team leaders have bought us each an advent calendar or a small gift. Never had dinner paid for but have had a team buffet ( think crisps , cakes and sandwiches nibbles etc) . First round of drinks at Christmas lunch also sometimes paid by team leader.

Meowandthen · 01/12/2023 19:37

ZenNudist · 29/11/2023 21:58

Jeez no. It doesn't sound like you're on megabucks. In my line of work partners pay for meals which ultimately reduces the profits which they all share but average partner salary is £700k and a starting partner with no extra points got £250k last year. If your DH is on this then he could consider it but as you are talking about budgeting for presents I'm guessing not.

“Could consider it”. 😂. At that level it easy to pay for your staff.

I always pay when I take my team out.