To not want DH to cover team Christmas meal?

[ChristmasMeal]

DH is a Team Manager. He is going out with his team this weekend for a Christmas meal and has said to me he is going to be covering the entire bill for the meal, himself and three others. I've said I don't agree with this, while it wouldn't completely bankrupt us, it would leave us with a smaller budget to buy Christmas gifts for family.

I get the feeling he wants to cover as he's a relatively new Team Manager and wants to appear cool and likeable but I worry he's setting a precedence for future years too.

AIBU for not wanting him to cover everyone's meal?

Yeah I know. She's on six figures though, so I don't think it made too much of a dent. But yes, very generous and lovely of her and very much appreciated given I take home a tenth of her salary.

I think it depends.

I work for a small company atm and we had our Christmas meal last night. There were 10 of us and the boss paid the whole bill.

I've worked for large companies who would hire a venue and music, pay for a buffet and pay the first 2 drinks for each person and their +1.

I don't think people necessarily MIND paying for their own things but in my experience it's seen as a Christmas treat for the employees. I've never had to fork out personally.

I'd say whatever is decided, let everyone know in advance so no-one is left embarrassed!

Another public sector worker here.

I'm pretty sure the team won't expect to have anything paid for - especially if they've only worked in the public sector. A drink before and/or after the meal would be generous enough offer but nothing is required.

I have never expected drinks/meals/gifts. Going out for meals/drinks with work has always been at my expense.

In some teams where I have worked (not direct public sector but partner organisation) the senior manager has bought a round or two of drinks. I've had a couple of meals pad for by very high earners (£120k+) paying for small team of 5. These have been in nice but high street restaurants at around £25pp I have never expected lunch/dinner/drinks to be paid for but very much appreciated it. These were people with long careers at senior level with no dependents in well pad roles prior to retirement.

My first boss as Head of NHS department with a team of 20 gave us all a Christmas card & pot of nice jam. It was a lovely gesture, I was really touched.

I give my colleagues a card & small plant/chocs to say thanks but around £5 & only two people. We do a secret Santa with our bigger team at £15.

I wouldn't be happy in your position and the circumstances you describe. Can your OH find some other less grand ways to feel generous /make an impression with his new team?

I think I'd leave my husband to decide what he wants to do in his own workplace, the same way he doesn't interfere with my work.

But this is a decision about him using the family money , so it isn't about a workplace decision in isolation, it is about him taking family money, thereby leaving their budget short, to spend on his colleagues. That definitely entitles the partner in any relationship to have a say.

I don't think people necessarily MIND paying for their own things but in my experience it's seen as a Christmas treat for the employees. I've never had to fork out personally.
and I started work in 1981, and I have never, ever worked anywhere where I didn't have to pay for my own meal if we went out.
Same as we buy our own coffee / tea etc.

You can't use part of "the public purse" to be going on nights out / lunches / giving gifts. It just isn't allowed. If you own your own company, it is up to you what you do with any money in the business.

I’m super surprised how many people think this is odd. Both DH and I have been on the receiving and giving end of work meals being paid for!

Next week DH is taking his direct reports out for lunch. Amazingly I prefer this than the bottle of wine that he did when he was lower down in management. Maybe because multiple bottles of wine would come into my house then leave, without me drinking them! 🤣

edit to add, appreciate public and private sectors are different, but the general consensus seems it’s odd for both.

@SkinnyChaiLattePlease there's been no consensus that its odd for both. This thread is entirely about it being odd/unheard of in the public sector. It's been made clear several times that is normal in the private sector where it would be expensed.

If you posted before you read the thread, just say so. But there's zero evidence for the point in your edit.

I’m a manager myself, and I would not do this. If work do not cover a Xmas meal, that is on them and not me. I would not use my personal money to pay for anything work related. I’d push to have this claimed via expenses but would seek approval first.

This should be a cost paid by the company, not your husbands personal pocket. It’s totally unreasonable for him to pay from his personal account.

It would make me feel really uncomfortable as a team member. I still remember once a number of years ago that my line manager (who is lovely and not showy at all with money) paid for my uber after the Christmas party as she had uber and I did not, so she just ordered one for me through her app. I completely forgot about it for like a month and then it became too awkward to raise it (it was like £10). But I still think about how technically she spent £10 on me at the Christmas do like 5 years ago and cringe. (I'm sure she never gave it another thought though). I would limit what I ate and drank if I knew someone else was personally paying for it, which isn't as nice as just paying for yourself and getting what you like.

Fwiw, dh pays for all his employees but they do a whole overnight, so it's an activity and a meal out and hotel and transport. He's the director though, so it's the company that pays, not him personally, which is different, even if it's his company.

Not in the public sector as people have said. DH and I have nearly 40 years between us in the public sector. Never had a Christmas meal paid for. Both of us have contributed a bit towards the drinks bill as a gesture. Nobody expects their whole meal to be paid for.

No you are not being unreasonable, you are right it will set a precedent. He could buy a round of drinks at the bar instead?

Another public sector employee here 🤚 absolutely not the expectation - especially from a manager only on £40k!!!

Our team lunch CO is on £65k ish? And would probably buy a round. There’s 6 of us total.

For the “all staff” thing, our directors generally buy in some alcohol for pre drinks in the office or something like that ( they are on £75k-£120k and there’s maybe 30 -40 people who will actually go out).

if he wants to make a gesture buy a couple of bottles of wine or round of drinks but public sector employees are used to paying for their own food.

NBU - I work in the public sector, my team leader does absolutely nothing to sort our Christmas do. We in the team organise bookings, chase team individuals for deposits etc and then all pay for our meals or activities. Our team leader might buy us a round, if we're lucky. I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for an entire team's meal out of their own money; if there isn't a work budget for it, then everyone pays for themselves!

I don't think it comes across as showy offy. I think it comes across as very needy.

Tell him he looks needy. He will soon change his tune

It would be a great gesture if he paid for the first round of drinks. But no way should he set a precedent by paying for the whole meal unless he's loaded and it won't impact the family (which doesn't sound the case).

Eh? Company directors pay the entire meal, not team managers.

This.
On his salary, he's simply not in a position to be treating his team to dinner. A round of drinks or a bottle of plonk maybe, but not a meal.
My boss probably earns around £80-100k and she certainly wouldn't be paying for a Christmas meal. Either it's paid for by the company or we pay for ourselves, which is exactly how it should be.

So he wants to be Billy Big Bollocks.

@ChristmasMeal Ask him what he is willing to sacrifice from your budget to accommodate this unnecessary expense? What does he spend money on? Football tickets? Beer? Trainers? Tell him it is not acceptable for DC or yourself to suffer for his fit of largesse so it will be his shit that’s cut out.

Have you ever thought about reading the whole thread ?
Public sector don't have 'company directors'.

No, the staff won't appreciate it, they'll think he claimed it back via expenses. He needs to tell everyone that it'll be a case of paying for yourself. If he's feeling generous I'd maybe buy each one a drink, but there's no way I'd pay for the entire meal

If he insists tell him he can take it out of the money that has been put aside for his Christmas presents, he can ask for money from relatives and that can also be put towards the meal

1st drink no bother but anything else absolutely not.

if he absolutely insists on doing something this stupid then pull back on his xmas gift and birthday gift budget, citing the fact he's blown the gift budget on meals for strangers.

YANBU - being the owner of a business and treating your employees would be ok but not as a team leader, that’s a lot. Maybe he could buy a round?

Nope nope nope. I’m a manager in public sector and first round of drinks only… and some shots later on where I’m pissed 😂