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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH to cover team Christmas meal?

283 replies

ChristmasMeal · 29/11/2023 21:46

DH is a Team Manager. He is going out with his team this weekend for a Christmas meal and has said to me he is going to be covering the entire bill for the meal, himself and three others. I've said I don't agree with this, while it wouldn't completely bankrupt us, it would leave us with a smaller budget to buy Christmas gifts for family.

I get the feeling he wants to cover as he's a relatively new Team Manager and wants to appear cool and likeable but I worry he's setting a precedence for future years too.

AIBU for not wanting him to cover everyone's meal?

OP posts:
Catsfrontbum · 29/11/2023 22:03

Yes it’s weird and showy offy!!

Round of drinks is fine. Generous.

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 29/11/2023 22:05

Nope!!!!!
I know what my boss earns and trust me it's a massively eye watering amount.
We wouldn't expect him to pay for the whole thing.
He buys a couple of rounds of drinks and we pay for our own meals and then go into rounds for further drinks.

Original poster
ChristmasMeal · 29/11/2023 22:08

Thanks all for your updates, I agree with what previous posters have said, I think the first round of drinks would be fine and I did say this but he is absolutely insisting on covering the meals!

OP posts:
Notamum12345577 · 29/11/2023 22:10

Highlyflavouredgravy · 29/11/2023 21:50

Surely he can expense it?

I would love to work where you do!

Bruisername · 29/11/2023 22:10

How much are we talking?

Sisterpita · 29/11/2023 22:12

Public sector is everyone pays for their own meals but senior staff may cover drinks during the meal - not after.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 29/11/2023 22:13

My LM does this at Christmas for a big team (public sector) and he earns about 68k if that's relevant?

MuggleMe · 29/11/2023 22:13

Definitely just drinks or £10 per person max.

TomatoSandwiches · 29/11/2023 22:15

He will look like a try hard plonker, it won't do him any favours.
Has he already told the team or can he amend it to a round of drinks?

WrongSwanson · 29/11/2023 22:17

I'm planning to do this (pub sector) but do earn quite well, and everyone's already paid a deposit of nearly half the meal cost, so although I am planning to cover the rest of the meal cost it won't break the bank and feels better than spending £5-10 pp on a gift they might not like.

I think the distinction is it won't hurt the family budget at all though, it comes out of my personal savings for frittering on myself.

Original poster
ChristmasMeal · 29/11/2023 22:17

TomatoSandwiches · 29/11/2023 22:15

He will look like a try hard plonker, it won't do him any favours.
Has he already told the team or can he amend it to a round of drinks?

@TomatoSandwiches I said to him it's best to not mention this to anyone so I hope not! I'm hoping I can convince him before the weekend

OP posts:
Bruisername · 29/11/2023 22:18

If he is splitting the cost with another 3 then has it been suggested that is how they do it? How many are there going that he is expected to cover?

kelburn · 29/11/2023 22:19

Adding to the chorus of this being nuts! I'm also public sector and a round of drinks is exactly what a team leader/manager might offer (but never expected and no one would be annoyed if not). Dinner is ridiculous unless you are independently very wealthy which sounds like is not the case and will cause deficit in other areas.

Ypsilanti · 29/11/2023 22:20

I think it depends on a number of factors. How big is the salary difference between him and members of his team? If it’s just a couple of grand then no, I think a round of drinks is fine. But if he earns substantially more, especially if many of them are low paid, then it’s a thoughtful thing to do. I’ve done similar in the past and it’s been appreciated.

whynotwhatknot · 29/11/2023 22:21

what usually happens whose idea wh books it

i dont think anyone shojld pay out of their own pocket

ManchesterGirl2 · 29/11/2023 22:21

Depends on what's normal at his organisation, and what the pay differential is between managers and their team.

Anneta · 29/11/2023 22:21

A previous manager in the Civil Service used to buy the first drink but I felt uncomfortable with that as there were so many of us! Paying for the meal would certainly NOT be expected.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/11/2023 22:22

Bruisername · 29/11/2023 22:18

If he is splitting the cost with another 3 then has it been suggested that is how they do it? How many are there going that he is expected to cover?

I read it as he plans to cover the entire cost for himself and three others, i.e. he is paying for all four people's meals; NOT that he and three others are paying between them.

Nothankyou22 · 29/11/2023 22:22

Yeah I wouldn’t be happy, if the company isn’t paying then it’s everyone for themselves surely, a round of drinks is fine imo

zurala · 29/11/2023 22:22

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 29/11/2023 21:48

YANBU!! Not expected or normal at all. Assuming it's public sector (so no budget!!) the manager does not pay for dinner! They do buy a Christmas gift for the team but usually no more than £5/10 pp depending on size of the team! This is a crazy precedent to set.

I'm public sector and last time we went for a meal for someone leaving our manager picked up the entire drinks and dinner bill. It does happen. (Yes she is awesome and we love her, she's an amazing manager in so many ways.)

ToothFairy2023 · 29/11/2023 22:23

I’d say he either buys a round of drinks or buys wine for the table if all drinking or buys everyone small gift i.e. something like a bottle of wine, box of chocs or similar no more than a tenner each or puts maximum £40 towards the bar or food bill (so its £10 cheaper for everyone). Never had a manager buy a meal out of own pocket and some people are greedy and would then also expect the drinks to be covered and might be tempted to go daft ordering doubles and drinks they could barely drink.

jamimmi · 29/11/2023 22:24

Public sector manager here. First round of drinks is fine. Possibly a bottle of wine , chocolate orange or similar on Christmas eve. Never had my Christmas meal paid for in 30 years NHS work. My team don't expect it ( I do do it) but drinks is a lovley gesture, unless he's the chief exec in which case he possibly could afford a full meal!

XiCi · 29/11/2023 22:25

Almost every manager I've had has fully paid for Xmas meal out so it's definitely not unusual- not public sector though

Mdg247 · 29/11/2023 22:25

NTA. If he wants to do something nice as the team lead/manager is there any chance he could host something at home for them? Would be a lot cheaper and also more personal…

ttcat37 · 29/11/2023 22:25

Depends on how much it is- I’m public sector and we’ve paid £15pp for our Christmas meal in advance. Not too bad for your DH to cover that. But you’re right, you should be ok with it as it’s family money. It all adds up especially if drinks get added to the bill. Maybe when the bill comes he could put £50 in and they can split the rest?