To not want DH to cover team Christmas meal?

[ChristmasMeal]

DH is a Team Manager. He is going out with his team this weekend for a Christmas meal and has said to me he is going to be covering the entire bill for the meal, himself and three others. I've said I don't agree with this, while it wouldn't completely bankrupt us, it would leave us with a smaller budget to buy Christmas gifts for family.

I get the feeling he wants to cover as he's a relatively new Team Manager and wants to appear cool and likeable but I worry he's setting a precedence for future years too.

AIBU for not wanting him to cover everyone's meal?

Yeah. I wouldn't want my boss to do that for me.

Bloody hell, he earns less than the most junior people in my team and we’ve kept Christmas cheap for them. Absolutely not the required or the norm.

I understand the urge but I still think it would be a mistake.

1. It probably won't have the desired effect (try hard plonker rather than dignified and generous)
2. he only earns a fraction more than his reports
3. it is coming out of the family budget, which sounds stretched enough as it is

He is doing it to appear generous and caring, so the best way to change his mind is to point out that its too much and will make his small team quite uncomfortable and he may even loose their respect

I'd be more than happy for a company's budgetto pay for my food. But my manager? No. I'd feel embarrassed and somehow beholden to him.

I worked in local government for over 20 years. It would be usual for the manager to buy the first round of drinks, not the whole bloody meal.

Exhusband did the same years ago. He wanted to be seen as cool ( also wanted to impress the 17 year old member of staff he ended up/ or already was shagging). I thought he looked an absolute prat. They were happy to use him. They never, ever thought he was anywhere near cool.

I’d suggest this

I think it depends on what your budget is for Christmas. For example we spend £100 on each DC and each other (£400) and other family £20pp (10 people £200) so reducing it for a staff meal would have a different impact than if you budget £500 each (I don’t think you’ve mentioned children so I’ll assume none) and £50 for other people you’re looking at a £1500 budget rather than £600. Also, do you save for Christmas and have the money aside or is it a credit card job and sort it out afterwards?

No he should cover drinks or at least one round

It's a fairly normal thing to do, I would only pay for one drink though.

No one in the public sector would expect their boss to pay for the meal. Usually you go for a meal that is one flat rate for everyone and then the boss buys the first drink and everyone buys their own drinks after that.

I've just seen what everyone earns, I think buying the first round is fine or putting £50 behind the bar.

DH has just told me he's taking his team of 5 to a Toby Carvery where they serve turkey this year. They are going at the end of the first week of December and it's only about £10 each for the main meal plus he'll pay for a drink or 2 each. It will work out far cheaper than just buying drinks and 1 of his team suggested it and others agreed so they have booked before it gets busy the end of the following week. I think it might only be a little over £100. Last year it was close to £250.

When you say "team" it sounds worse than 3 other meals.

@ChristmasMeal

Is he planning on not receiving a Christmas present from his family, and/or not buying for his birth family to defray the cost of his largesse to his team? 🌹

What did the old team manager do?

If the bill has always been paid by the team manager then the employees may feel that it will be paid for them and he needs to make it known that he won’t.

I’ve never worked in a job that pays for the Christmas meal.
Instead the managers will bring in chocolates and donuts etc which they pay for and then we all pay for ourselves at the meal.

They'll probably assume he got the money from expenses anyway, so it would be a pointless gesture. First round of drinks is perfect.

I think it depends on a lot of things, the first being your household budget. Are they going to the local Harvester where it's £15 a head in which case probably cheaper than offering to pay for drinks for the night, or is it a 50 quid a head restaurant?

In the public sector everyone expects to pay for their own Xmas meal. You get nothing for free. We had to pay for tea and milk. Getting his team a drink is plenty.

Hell, no. First round of drinks is enough.

Yes. However I would never buy my employees alcohol. Personally supplying employees with alcohol would be frowned on, and I don’t want liability if someone drinks and drives or gets in an accident. But snacks and food, yes I will buy it to show appreciation.

We also work in public sector and husband has his own team. He normally buys the first round of drinks for his team and then gets them each a small gift (£5 soap and glory minis/Lynx set each.

Footing the entire bill is a bit much- could he get some drinks instead?

That's lovely @Zurala but very unusual.

I've got 15 people in my team. The team have decided to book the Christmas lunch in a restaurant where the set Christmas meal is £35 per head. There is no way I can afford £525 plus drinks, say £600.

not if its public sector they won't.