To not want DH to cover team Christmas meal?

[ChristmasMeal]

DH is a Team Manager. He is going out with his team this weekend for a Christmas meal and has said to me he is going to be covering the entire bill for the meal, himself and three others. I've said I don't agree with this, while it wouldn't completely bankrupt us, it would leave us with a smaller budget to buy Christmas gifts for family.

I get the feeling he wants to cover as he's a relatively new Team Manager and wants to appear cool and likeable but I worry he's setting a precedence for future years too.

AIBU for not wanting him to cover everyone's meal?

DH takes his LT out for a meal. He pays for the first round of drinks on arrival at the restaurant bar and wine with the meal. They pay for their own food and any drinks afterwards. He also buys them each a bottle of wine for a present which he hands out on the last day of term- having made inept and pointless attempts at wrapping them, then handing to me to make them look better by tying a bit of ribbon around them and a gift tag.

No way, and a
Christmas
Do at the weekend?

Yanbu.

I made this mistake and took my small team out for Christmas dinner at lunch time and gave them a half day off. Covered all costs.

Meal alone used to cost £150 and once I'd done it once I set a precedent.

I'd echo getting a small gift or buying the first round - and if he's allowed, telling them all they can go home early that day instead! I used going on mat leave to just not. Do it again once I returned to work!

Round of drinks is fine. No way the whole bill. And if he does it this year it’ll be expected every year.

It is a very old-fashioned idea. When I started work, in the dark ages, it was quite common for team managers to earn something like double or even triple what his (and I say his, because that was also common) staff earned. Thus it was sort of expected that senior staff would fund a meal or buffet and middle would buy a round or a bottle or 2 for their direct reports. But times change, structures are flatter and salaries are far closer together. This really disappeared in the 80s. It is possible that within his department, there may be much older managers or a tradition of this, but time to break the tradition, I think. However, if his role is quite senior and his staff are basic clerical (some policy teams can be like this) it would be a nice gesture, as long as he couches it as a "getting to know you", so it is not expected to repeat.

I think it's a good investment on his part, tbh.

Show this post.
Teacher and NHS manager couple- teacher gets a small £5 present from HT and NHS manager won't be paying for the Xmas meal! In the past consultants did from their massive salaries, but this stopped a few years ago.

I meant show him the whole thread, not just my post!

On 39k??? No way.
When he only earns 2k more than them??? No No way!

When's he's on 39k which is only 2k more than them? Nah.

Not at all typical for public sector- manager would perhaps buy a couple of bottles of wine for the table.

If your DH insists on paying for this out of the family Christmas budget, it can be his Christmas present.

we had a works night out recently also public sector decided to meet in a wetherspoons as it was central would not break the bank and people could eat or not eat drop in leave as time suited. Newish member of staff higher grade but not massively decided to put money on the table for drinks which was very embrassing to us Wish they had just offered to buy a round of drinks. when they left we insisted they take it back . get him to check beforehand what the norm is. Even our big manager had the came would just have offer a round of drinks or discretely put money into a kitty if there was one

Oh and sorry but having seen the update, that is not a high salary, and from the sounds of it, his team members could actually be better off!
I really hope he doesn't do it- there is honestly no good reason to in the public sector on that wage.

Personally, I would say to him that, the amount of money he spends at the meal, will be taken off the amount there is to spend on his side of the extended family this year! Then, I agree with you, about the OP letting them all know he is arranging their gifts this year. Plus, if that amount doesn’t cover it (which it probably won’t), the OP should tell him the rest will be taken off the amount she was going to spend on him! I don’t think that the children and the OP’s extended family should be cut back on, so he can show off as the how generous am I team manager!

I hope he hasn’t already told them he is paying for everything, or there is no way the OP will be able to get him to change his mind. Also, if they know he is paying, some people can get very greedy…

I was public sector for four decades and never had a meal paid for, nor did I pay for anyone's when I was head of department.

It would actually have felt pretty weird had a manager ever tried to pay for my meal. The pay differential simply wasn't one where the next level up was earning much higher. And as we worked closely as a team, it just wasn't that kind of vibe.

Public sector really isn't like the corporate world. If the previous manager paid then he was very much an outlier. It's ample (more than ample really, but maybe necessary following someone who'd broken the 'rule') for your DH to provide a round of drinks or wine for the table..

Are there other managers that he can consult about what they do?

Most places I've worked if the manager covers Christmas it's just been drinks at most, which I've always thought was pretty generous, actually. You wouldn't expect them to pay for the whole meal!

YANBU

People also take the piss when it’s someone else paying.

Tell him to get a couple of bottles of wine for the table. I’d expect an organisation to pay for a Christmas meal but certainly not a manager out their own pocket

So in take home pay after tax he will be paying what-20% of the gap between him and them for their dinner? Fuck no.

Public sector here too, more senior and with wage to match. Though it’s a lovely thought, it’s not expected, necessary or reasonable for that salary. I’ve worked with a lot of people on a tonne of money and no one has ever done this out of their own pocket. I do first drinks, lunch for individuals if they’re leaving / big milestones etc, make sure people have nice gifts and cards by topping up collects but that’s it.

No way is that expected in the public sector. A round of drinks, fine, but a meal for several people - no way!

I suspect the OP is just trying to frame this in an emotive way saying it will cut the family present budget (noting the £39k salary).

We’re talking a team of three (plus DH), as long as he goes somewhere that isn’t fancy and the team don’t take the piss on the drinks it’s an extra expense of less that £200.

I’m sure if OP wanted to buy some nice new clothes with her own money (I don’t believe all money is family money) and DH were to chip in saying she can’t do that it will have to come out of the Christmas budget you lot would view him as financially controlling.

I do get it though, that if you’re not financially comfortable being overly generous to those not in need would be annoying. Guess my point was let’s not dress it up as being as drastic as having to forgo family gifts if he goes ahead with it.

I’ve just seen he’s on 39k, and only 2k more than the others. No way should he shout their meal!

It wouldn’t be expected if he was on three times that tbh

I mean, it's a few hundred quid, not thousands. For priceless goodwill.

It won’t get him priceless goodwill in the public sector 😂 people will either forget about it in days or will think it was very weird as it’s just not how things are done. It certainly won’t buy him any good grace if he later has to start making unpopular decisions etc. Definitely not worth having less money for your own Christmas

He needs to be careful. Precedent is one thing but there's always one that takes advantage.

Choosing all the supplement items on the menu. Expensive drinks. Asking for drinks or extra sides as if they are paying.

I've been there as an employer of a very small team and seen personalities come and go. Most are great but in a team of 5 there's almost always one.

The better option is first round of drinks, or a menu with a budget given (so, can have the steak with supplement but forgo dessert). Often then you get listed as stingey.....even though you are paying!

Honestly, no good turn goes unpunished!