To not want DH to cover team Christmas meal?

[ChristmasMeal]

DH is a Team Manager. He is going out with his team this weekend for a Christmas meal and has said to me he is going to be covering the entire bill for the meal, himself and three others. I've said I don't agree with this, while it wouldn't completely bankrupt us, it would leave us with a smaller budget to buy Christmas gifts for family.

I get the feeling he wants to cover as he's a relatively new Team Manager and wants to appear cool and likeable but I worry he's setting a precedence for future years too.

AIBU for not wanting him to cover everyone's meal?

Covering drinks, either the whole drinks bill, or a bottle or two of wine is generally considered generous enough. There really is no need for an individual person to cover food for everyone, unless they are mega rich, which I assume he isn’t!

I'd expect the organisation he works for to cover it, not for it to come out of his own pocket.

if he is covering 3 others - how much is he expecting to pay? I don’t think it’s necessarily unreasonable for him to spend £1-300 on his team, although it also depends on his salary and that of the people going, but would also make sure he has checked if there is any Xmas budget from the employer first.

my boss always pays for the drinks with the meal but we all pay for our own food and the after dinner drinks

Its normal and expected that the boss is first to the bar. That's all.

In the public sector? Get real! I used to buy the wine when I managed a team in the NHS.

I'm public sector and this would make me feel so uncomfortable. Just tell him to give them a box of chocs or bottle of wine each at the lunch he brings with him instead.

He sounds a bit of a plonker, OP. Tell him this will affect his Christmas and his family's presents i.e. presents for him, his parents etc. He shouldn't be taking from his family to feed his colleagues, that's rificulous. This sort of thing isn't even done by the sernior staff at our company who are on £400k pa!

Also public sector and this has happened to me. Manager (probably on less than £70k) picking up bill for 10 people. I was shocked but it does happen. I suppose it depends what he earns/whether he has personal income (no mortgage/inheritance etc) and decides that is appropriate. I was hugely touched and grateful but obviously didn’t expect it. It depends on your family financial circumstances though.

Public sector also. £5-£10 gift depending on size of team would be lovely but not expected. I'd be embarrassed if my manager picked up the tab for my meal and horrified if I then found out it impacted the family Christmas. Also think it sets a precedent for the future.

Tell him there are far better ways to make a good impression on his team; just being a decent, approachable manager would be far better than what he is proposing!

Surely if private sector they will be expensing it then!

There is no budget for social events in the public sector. Public funds, innit. You don't even buy us teabags these days.

Public sector, - people have always paid for the meal but SLT used to pick up the drinks bill, however with some getting promoted at a younger age and more part time working patterns there has been some push back as some probably have less disposable income than their staff after housing and childcare costs.

In the NHS sometimes there’s only a few hundred quid (in your actual monthly pay) between the top of a band and the bottom of the next one up too. The most senior members of my team, junior to me, who have been doing the job for 5+ years, earn almost the same as I do

This is not going to go down well . He needs to think about the far fetching consequences of this. It might be fine with his team members for him to pay for their meals but it if it's not the done thing in his organisation, this is going to breed resentment as he setting the precedence for other teams to expect their managers to do this .

He could be setting off a chain of events that is going to make him very unpopular in the long term .

Most places have budgets for this, IF it's the done thing .

Plonker about covers it.

I would get the absolute Ick for any man playing Billy big bollixs when it will seriously impact our familys Christmas budget and cannot be afforded.

He must be seriously insecure and extremely disrespectful of you to push ahead with this when you have spelt it out to him.

Red flag.

From a staff point of view he may upset the others by paying for their meal. It does offend people.
First round of drinks or a couple of bottles of wine on the table is fine (and lovely).

No.
Fine if it’s expenses, but not out his own pocket.

Not if he worked in a supermarket

Some info which I hope answers a few prevous Qs:

Salary is around £39k, certainly not big bucks! Team Manager salary does increase to 41k after 2 years but DH is not long into role. His three team members are approx £37k (only 2k difference from staff grade to start of team manager grade).

We had to arrange some home improvements this year which meant our Christmas budget for buying gifts this year was smaller than in previous years and ofcourse will be even smaller if he covers the meals.

It's definitely not the done thing in the organisation. I work in the organisation myself in a different department and have never had a line manager pay for meals. Usually the head of dept will cover first round of drinks, not even the line manager.

DH says his previous Team Manager paid for the meal, I said you can't use that as your reasoning, he is a different person and could (most likely) have a different personal financial situation. DH is newer Team Manager and I don't think people will expect this of him

Yes, this. Finding a good way to humiliate him in public is a smart move, as others have often suggested.

I've worked in the public sector.

Last few years my boss has paid for meals for the team, there are around eight of us.

Before that, I was the highest grade and shared the bill with someone else.

Many years ago, the highest grades paid the alcohol bill.

Public sector workers pay for their own meals. Alcohol can never be claimed back, unless you are a politician.

We were not allowed to drink alcohol during the day or at a Christmas lunch. Maybe if we took annual leave if would be ok.

When it's your birthday, you bring in cakes for the team.

It won't actually do him any favours and they will forget he even bought it a few days later, I wouldn't bother

Nope not on his salary, especially because there is such a little difference in pay too.

I worked public sector for years and we always paid for our own meals and drinks.

too much of a grand gesture to pay for dinner and may make people uncomfortable actually. Buying a few drinks is generous enough.