DH’s Anonymous Message…

[AnonymousMessage]

DH has received a text message accusing him of flirting with/messaging their wife. Something in the message indicates that they definitely do vaguely know DH and myself.

They refuse to say who they are, and say that DH knows who they are but DH says he hasn’t a clue what this message is, what it’s about or who it’s from.

I’ve searched the phone number and can’t seem to find anything to suggest who it belong to.

I don’t think DH would cheat on me. However things have been a tough the past year with the birth of our first child.

Any idea where I can go from here to uncover who this message is from, and get to the bottom of it?

Not really sure what to think at the moment.

I would use my phone to message the person and ask what's going on.

I'd ring the number.

Call the number yourself? I think if someone is willing to send a text like that then the OH of the person they're accusing should be given answers!

DH has tried to ring the number and nobody answers.

Also, DH showed me the text himself as soon as it had been sent.

Put the number in WhatsApp & if they're on there you'll be able to see their profile?

Is it someone trying to cause trouble if your husband does genuinely have no idea? I have had a random call from someone and I think they literally just was messing around with a random number.

The person that called me was saying similar things but at the time I wasn't with anyone, so it was obvious it was someone messing.

My guess is that your DH has done nothing wrong and that the husband of the woman in question is controlling and abusive.

I don't think your DH would have showed you the message, or tried to ring the person back, if he was actually cheating on you.

My ex-SIL, after splitting from my brother, had a relationship with a god-awful man who, at various points in their dysfunctional relationship, harassed several of her male colleagues and acquaintances in a similar way.

Obviously I have no idea about your specific circumstances, but I've had this before from the other side - one particularly memorable one was, "Do you know where ntmdino was on 14th July? Because I do, and I have proof it's an affair" sent to my other half.

I was on jury duty on that date, which is probably the most solid alibi imaginable :D

I'd say that if your husband is confident enough that he'd call the number in front of you, then you can be pretty sure there's nothing to it.

wait a week then try adding it on WhatsApp on a friends phone. Not yours. Because if they do know you they may have your number and know to block it already.

Sometimes they are just spam things, sometimes truthfull, sometimes the wife/husband throws an innocent under the bus so save the real ow/om.

Save the number and check WhatsApp for profile picture. Also google the number as it could come up for a company or be linked to Facebook etc

I'd message them from my phone saying this is X's wife. He showed me your messages. Who are you - either put up or shut up.

Personally I think if your DH is happy to call it in front of you and the texter is too cowardly to say who they are I’d think it was a wind up - but also comes down to how much you trust him

I agree with pp, google the number, and perhaps try messaging via WhatsApp on a friend’s phone.
Probably spam. I had a text late one night, from an unknown number, which said something like, ‘I saw you in town today, and you ignored me. You’ve had your hair cut and look different, but I knew it was you. ‘
It freaked me out, as I did have my hair cut drastically a few years back!
I blocked the number in any case.

Nobody who sends anonymous messages is a decent person or has honourable intentions.

And I include those people who have genuine evidence of an affair but are two gutless to put their name to the information but are happy to gaslight the receiver into losing trust in all their friends and family because they have no idea who it was who sent the message.

People who send anonymous do so purely to cause trouble.

I wouldn’t follow up. Clearly this is what the person wants. Attention.

I would delete and block, and think no more of it.

Anyone sending anonymous messages is out to cause trouble, if they have proof or whatever why haven’t they got the balls to let on who they are? Anyone sending anonymous messages doesn’t have good intentions.

Have the 2 of you fallen out with anyone lately? I knew a woman once and when there was a falling out with another couple she kept putting the husbands number in tinder so it generated a sign up code to his phone , I think she hoped his wife would see the messages. Some nasty bitches out there

Really, I think that’s the first thing anyone with a few brain cells would do if they were guilty, hiding it just causes problems down the line if it comes out. Best to front up and play ignorant.

there is no accusation of an affair as such, the person says they are flirting with and messaging his wife. If that’s the case there will be evidence. If it isn’t there won’t. But if it was true I’d assume it will now stop.

Call it from another number and see what happens.

Flirting with and messaging? That's fucking weaksauce anyway. I flirt with (lightly, and without intent) and message men all the time - I work with men, I'm friends with men, I live in the world. So do most people.

Is there any way to get the number and ring it from your phone, when DH isn’t there?

Chances are it’s a DH of a friend or colleague of your DH’s and they’re just controlling and jealous.

I have seen a few threads recently about people thinking that their partners shouldn’t be messaging their colleagues or neighbours if they are the opposite sex.

But I’d want to put my own mind at rest and ask him who he is and who his DW is and what was actually said.

That´s what I wanted to suggest as wall.
Save their number and look whetehr they have WhatsApp (or a similar messaging service).

However: OP´s DH showed the OP the message immediately and tried calling the number. It doesn´t seem like there´s anything he´s trying to hide.

I wouldn´t be surprised if this was sent by a jealous partner / ex-partner and OP´s DH did nothing wrong.

What is it that indicates they know you op? That’s rhe most suspicious bit.

They asked if I was still pregnant (in quite a threatening way) and made reference to something else quite personal.

I did try putting the number into my own WhatsApp but they must have the setting on to not allow others see their name or photo if they don’t also have their number saved. So I couldn’t see anything!