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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH’s Anonymous Message…

174 replies

AnonymousMessage · 29/11/2023 12:45

DH has received a text message accusing him of flirting with/messaging their wife. Something in the message indicates that they definitely do vaguely know DH and myself.

They refuse to say who they are, and say that DH knows who they are but DH says he hasn’t a clue what this message is, what it’s about or who it’s from.

I’ve searched the phone number and can’t seem to find anything to suggest who it belong to.

I don’t think DH would cheat on me. However things have been a tough the past year with the birth of our first child.

Any idea where I can go from here to uncover who this message is from, and get to the bottom of it?

Not really sure what to think at the moment.

OP posts:
Rjahdhdvd · 29/11/2023 15:18

I’m inclined to think that your DH is innocent in this for him to show you the message. I’d see on WhatsApp if a picture shows up or try calling on a withheld number.
If that doesn’t work then chalk it up to a weirdo

Nowherenew · 29/11/2023 15:26

I personally would text the number saying it’s DH’s wife and you want to know what’s going on.

I wouldn’t tell DH just yet.

Bobbotgegrinch · 29/11/2023 15:54

AnonymousMessage · 29/11/2023 15:15

They asked if I was still pregnant (in quite a threatening way) and made reference to something else quite personal.

If they've made threats against you then I'd ben not messing around and getting the police involved sharpish.

Rewis · 29/11/2023 16:40

Has your husband been talking/messaging other women more frequently recently? Even in innocent context like hobby or work?

VisionsOfSplendour · 29/11/2023 16:43

Have you got the number? Could you ring it from work so the person has no idea who is ringing and might answer

PizzaPastaWine · 29/11/2023 16:46

Search the number on Facebook.

C1N1C · 29/11/2023 16:49

Just reply to the message saying you're not sure whether this was meant for you and to provide at least some identifying details of your husband to prove it...

haribosmarties · 29/11/2023 16:49

Its probably an abusive husband/partner.
This happened to me with my ex.. found put after we had broken up that he'd texted a bunch of my male acquaintances basically warning them not to contact me and that he knew what they were up to.
Luckily he did not permanently damage any of my friendships..
But yeah. Some men do this.
If there's no other reason to be suspicious of your husband.. which it sounds like there isn't because why would he even show you the message if there was? He could have just deleted it or tried to deal with it privately.... I'd think it's some nuts controlling dude messaging all of his wife's male acquaintances

Louise303 · 29/11/2023 17:01

It could be malicious intending to hurt you you can pick up a payg sim anywhere for a £1 to use and discard. If it was genuine and they thought your husband knew who they were why not just say. If they were annoyed at your husband I imagine they would give details especially if they wanted you to know who he was supposed to be flirting with.

Thecatspjymas · 29/11/2023 17:06

Add to your contacts and go to WhatsApp to send a message - you will see their profile picture 😊

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 29/11/2023 17:09

If your DH showed you the message himself I don’t think you have anything to worry about. If there was any truth to it surely he’d keep it to himself. It sounds to me like he probably had an innocent conversation with a woman at some point, so insignificant he doesn’t even remember it, and her husband has seen/heard about it and completely overreacted because he’s controlling and abusive. Some people are so jealous they don’t even like their partner interacting with someone of the opposite sex in any way, which of course is ridiculous.

SimplyDiana · 29/11/2023 17:11

Unless the other more personal references were very specific, I wouldn’t read too much into the knowing about your pregnancy. That’s quite a broad sweep, but could naturally leave you feeling worried if you’re caught off guard by it.

I’m leaning heavily on this either being a pointless windup or a jealous partner/ex. A friend of mine had a colleague message her in a similar manner after her husband had joined us on a work trip. Apparently she’d flirted heavily with said husband. Nothing of the sort had happened. It turned out this woman had form for seeing danger where there was none and would regularly send messages to the women who were supposedly itching to flirt with her OH. Something similar may be happening in your scenario.

Deathwillbebutapause · 29/11/2023 17:12

Intimidating anonymous text? Threatening a pregnant woman even obliquely? Police matter.

MrsH1990 · 29/11/2023 17:13

Try searching the number on Facebook search, as some accounts these days are linked to people's phone numbers/email addresses so if you search it and it's linked to a profile their profile should come up.
Good luck 🤞

remindersofhim · 29/11/2023 17:14

He showed you as soon as it came through, they wont provide any further details/proof and you trust your husband so I'd forget about it.

VisionsOfSplendour · 29/11/2023 17:17

Thecatspjymas · 29/11/2023 17:06

Add to your contacts and go to WhatsApp to send a message - you will see their profile picture 😊

I think people are wise to that now and have it set only to show the profile pic to contacts, I'm glad that's an option

Deathwillbebutapause · 29/11/2023 17:21

Yes, but a visit from Mr Plod might jolt the anonymous shit stirrer and deter them from further mind games.

It could be as innocent as a teenager having a laugh if DH is a teacher (just for example).

All the more reason for the police to nip that shit in the bud.

Frasers · 29/11/2023 17:29

Deathwillbebutapause · 29/11/2023 17:21

Yes, but a visit from Mr Plod might jolt the anonymous shit stirrer and deter them from further mind games.

It could be as innocent as a teenager having a laugh if DH is a teacher (just for example).

All the more reason for the police to nip that shit in the bud.

Oh give over, do you think thr police have nothing better to do with their time. Would someone really call the police over this. The mind boggles. The op wasn’t threatened.

op, what do you mean asked if you were still pregnant in a threatening way. Do you mean aggressive way, or did they actually threaten something.

it is clearly someone who knows you both. And if the person thinks your husband is after his wife, I cam see why they’d be aggressive.

butterycrispness · 29/11/2023 17:30

Frasers · 29/11/2023 17:29

Oh give over, do you think thr police have nothing better to do with their time. Would someone really call the police over this. The mind boggles. The op wasn’t threatened.

op, what do you mean asked if you were still pregnant in a threatening way. Do you mean aggressive way, or did they actually threaten something.

it is clearly someone who knows you both. And if the person thinks your husband is after his wife, I cam see why they’d be aggressive.

Show quote history

Totally reasonable to call the police. And they would follow it up.

TossieFleacake · 29/11/2023 17:31

Anonymous messages are absolutely awful.
If you want to get involved in meddling in other people's relationships at least have the guts to reveal your identity.
I received 4 anonymous letters telling me that I was being cheated on and it ruined my life.

In your case OP, I reckon the SIM card will have been bought for this specific purpose and is unlikely to be associated with any WhatsApp accounts. It has probably been removed from the phone and will only be used again for another spineless anonymous message.

It's a horrible feeling, knowing that there's someone out there who has information about your relationship, or is trying to stir up trouble, especially as they hinted that they are familiar to you. I was suspicious of absolutely everyone, I lost trust and it still torments me to this day as I still don't know who sent the letters to me and its 15 years since I got them.

BeigeChair · 29/11/2023 17:31

AnonymousMessage · 29/11/2023 12:48

DH has tried to ring the number and nobody answers.

As they can see it’s your DH calling.
Just copy the number and send an old fashioned text and say you’re the wife and want to know

GuinnessBird · 29/11/2023 17:35

butterycrispness · 29/11/2023 17:30

Totally reasonable to call the police. And they would follow it up.

Show quote history

No they wouldn't.

haribosmarties · 29/11/2023 17:38

@GuinnessBird yes they would. Either under 'malicious communications' or 'harrassment' if more than one txt.
I know this from personal experience.

butterycrispness · 29/11/2023 17:39

haribosmarties · 29/11/2023 17:38

@GuinnessBird yes they would. Either under 'malicious communications' or 'harrassment' if more than one txt.
I know this from personal experience.

ditto @GuinnessBird

mintich · 29/11/2023 17:40

They definitely would follow it up as it's a threat. I had anonymous threats in a text once. Police followed it up and it was a girl in my fitness class! I barely knew her. They spoke to her and said if it didn't stop, arrests would follow. Never saw or heard from her again