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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH’s Anonymous Message…

174 replies

AnonymousMessage · 29/11/2023 12:45

DH has received a text message accusing him of flirting with/messaging their wife. Something in the message indicates that they definitely do vaguely know DH and myself.

They refuse to say who they are, and say that DH knows who they are but DH says he hasn’t a clue what this message is, what it’s about or who it’s from.

I’ve searched the phone number and can’t seem to find anything to suggest who it belong to.

I don’t think DH would cheat on me. However things have been a tough the past year with the birth of our first child.

Any idea where I can go from here to uncover who this message is from, and get to the bottom of it?

Not really sure what to think at the moment.

OP posts:
Livingthebudgetdream · 30/11/2023 19:48

I had a phone call, exactly the same but by a woman. My husband tried to phone them back, and they refused to pick up. It is a prank call. Sad people, bored on the winter evenings.

Moanyoldmoan · 30/11/2023 19:59

It’ll be a messaging app where you pay for the service to send messages from a number that doesn’t actually exist. You can call etc from these numbers too. They are highly anonymous

AnnieSnap · 30/11/2023 20:01

It’s probably just some excessively jealous bloke. If you have confidence in you partner, just feel sorry for the poor cow that is with JB and forget about it. That’s what I’d do. It doesn’t merit your headspace.

nomadmummy · 30/11/2023 20:11

Careful this could be a scam - getting you to call back...gathering info. I would be very careful.

Bebethany · 30/11/2023 20:19

Who ever it is is just jealous! It is tough the first year with a first new born. Keep going sweetheart, you’ll be ok 🌷🌷

PerthesMum87 · 30/11/2023 20:28

Heres my suggestion - both save onto your phones, search it on WhatsApp and Facebook, then go to tiktok. Tiktok will often show people you have in your phone contacts. Also do a Google search - if it’s a scam others may have searched it, if it’s connected to linked in, a business, any public information linked will show up. I did this when I was getting harassment and threatening msgs. Turns out the guy owned a business and I was able to get his full
name, business name and address and handover to the police. Never heard from him again. People are not careful with their numbers. I suspect your husband is loyal - they said flirty msgs not anything more. It’s probably a jealous/abusive boyfriend of someone you guys know, maybe a work colleague etc.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 30/11/2023 20:40

Sounds as if you trust your DH. It's some jealous and controlling partner. I would ignore it and move on.

llizzie · 30/11/2023 20:46

It could be a hacker, who has got you sufficiently disturbed to start a blackmailing. Blackmailers have to start somewhere, and if this anonymous message means anything, it is to separate you and your DH, and that is something people like to do too. It is someone close to you, perhaps who has one of those throw away pay in advance phones, then they stand back and see the result of what they started.
Don't let it affect your marriage, if you can possible bear it, because no one does something wicked like that without a reason, but you should also report it, because with something like this, the more you ignore it, the worse it will get.

GreenFritillary · 30/11/2023 20:47

This stuff is going out through bots and AI at random, just to make trouble.
Some of it somewhere will appear to relate. Just forward it to [email protected] and they will include it in their work. Then block it and forget it.

FindingNeverland28 · 30/11/2023 21:15

Search the number on Facebook. Some people use their phone number as their username when they need to login. It used to work years ago, not sure if it still does, but worth a shot.

nosleepforme · 30/11/2023 21:22

Sounds like someone is just trying to stir trouble. That’s awful!
from what you say, I wouldn’t doubt dh, but that’s a nasty thing to do to him!

Katbum · 30/11/2023 21:22

Angry with the letter sender - but not your cheating DH!

nosleepforme · 30/11/2023 21:25

I bet your dh is relieved you trust him! he must have been upset and shocked by the message

WearyAuldWumman · 30/11/2023 21:34

AnonymousMessage · 29/11/2023 15:17

I did try putting the number into my own WhatsApp but they must have the setting on to not allow others see their name or photo if they don’t also have their number saved. So I couldn’t see anything!

Would you be able to have a look at one of those reverse look-up sites?

Ppzd · 30/11/2023 22:01

This reminds me of the social media scammer who used to hack people's account and spread rumours and flirt with people that person knew, and cause absolute chaos! I'd be very wary

YerArseInParsley · 30/11/2023 22:07

@AnonymousMessage

Put the number into WhatsApp and Facebook, if the number is on their fb profile it may show up. What they said in the message, does it definitely indicate they know you or could what they say could it apply to anyone? I'm just wondering if it could be a scam text message so the person will respond.

YerArseInParsley · 30/11/2023 22:13

PerthesMum87 · 30/11/2023 20:28

Heres my suggestion - both save onto your phones, search it on WhatsApp and Facebook, then go to tiktok. Tiktok will often show people you have in your phone contacts. Also do a Google search - if it’s a scam others may have searched it, if it’s connected to linked in, a business, any public information linked will show up. I did this when I was getting harassment and threatening msgs. Turns out the guy owned a business and I was able to get his full
name, business name and address and handover to the police. Never heard from him again. People are not careful with their numbers. I suspect your husband is loyal - they said flirty msgs not anything more. It’s probably a jealous/abusive boyfriend of someone you guys know, maybe a work colleague etc.

I got a text message years ago asking who I am because they have my number in their phone. I lied and said my name is Jane and they replied saying I don't know a Jane, I said you must know me if you have my number in your phone but got no reply.

I stored the number and about 2 years later when I upgraded my phone a facebook profile popped up connected to that number, turns out it was my ex's girlfriend. At the time I received that first message I was also getting silent calls through the night. I think it was my ex calling me at 2am and his girlfriend saw my number in his phone, took the number and text me.

BlueGrey1 · 30/11/2023 22:47

@Katbum

Angry with the letter sender - but not your cheating DH

What a stupid comment, there is no evidence that he is cheating

AzraiL · 30/11/2023 23:07

Unsure if this works outside Australia, but if you have a 'pay by mobile' option on your banking app make it like you're going to send them 1 pound/dollar whatever. When the reciew screen before finalising payment comes up you should be able to see who the phone is registered to.

Katbum · 30/11/2023 23:14

The letters are evidence! Why would
it ruin your life if you didn’t know at some level they were true.

ntmdino · 30/11/2023 23:47

Katbum · 30/11/2023 23:14

The letters are evidence! Why would
it ruin your life if you didn’t know at some level they were true.

The only thing they're evidence of is somebody's opinion - somebody not confident enough in their opinion to reveal their identity or answer the phone.

There are any number of motivations for doing something as cruel as this, and very few of them involve the accusations actually being true.

MayThe4th · 01/12/2023 02:19

Katbum · 30/11/2023 23:14

The letters are evidence! Why would
it ruin your life if you didn’t know at some level they were true.

What a load of bollocks.

The only thing anonymous letters are ever evidence of is that someone is a malicious cunt.

Only a cunt would send anonymous messages or letters, and be happy to gaslight someone into wondering which of their friends or family might know their dh is cheating.

Nobody who sends anonymous letters is a decent person. Ever.

People spout a load of crap about the messenger being shot yada yada yada. So they’re quite happy for the recipient of the letters to think that their whole friendship group and/or family are talking about them behind their back, them wondering who it could be, whether it’s true, doubting their marriage, just as long as it doesn’t affect the sender.

There is absolutely nothing altruistic about sending an anonymous message. If someone absolutely knows that someone’s partner is cheating then if it’s that important for them to want the person know about it, then they tell them in person, or keep their anonymous trap shut.

SylvieLaufeydottir · 01/12/2023 06:39

MayThe4th · 01/12/2023 02:19

What a load of bollocks.

The only thing anonymous letters are ever evidence of is that someone is a malicious cunt.

Only a cunt would send anonymous messages or letters, and be happy to gaslight someone into wondering which of their friends or family might know their dh is cheating.

Nobody who sends anonymous letters is a decent person. Ever.

People spout a load of crap about the messenger being shot yada yada yada. So they’re quite happy for the recipient of the letters to think that their whole friendship group and/or family are talking about them behind their back, them wondering who it could be, whether it’s true, doubting their marriage, just as long as it doesn’t affect the sender.

There is absolutely nothing altruistic about sending an anonymous message. If someone absolutely knows that someone’s partner is cheating then if it’s that important for them to want the person know about it, then they tell them in person, or keep their anonymous trap shut.

Show quote history

I wouldn't put it exactly this way, but I agree. I think if you're going to choose to meddle in someone else's relationship, the very least you can do is have the courage to do it as yourself and take the consequences. Otherwise, stay out.

Frankie2018 · 01/12/2023 06:46

If you go to Facebook login and click "find my account" you can enter the number and it will tell you if there's a Facebook page associated with it

Rosejasmine · 01/12/2023 08:18

Does your DH have an obsessive ex? A dodgy jealous ex partner might be trying to stir up trouble if she’s heard you are pregnant.