Page 11 | Mum STILL self-isolating

Mumofteens4892 · 2023-11-29T10:19:02+00:00

My 70yr old mum has chronic asthma and is still self isolating from COVID. I'm actually pissed off that she's not coming for Christmas for the 4th xmas in a row. She lives on her own. She lives 5 miles away and we never see her. AIBU to be utterly fed up? Her immune system will no doubt pick up any bug going, after so long not going in shops or seeing anyone at all, so she has a good point, and it would be awful if she caught something from us at xmas, but where do we go from here?

Nickinoo22 · 30/11/2023 22:36

SingleMum11 · 29/11/2023 11:58

Start by respecting her. How often do you see her? Do you make an effort to go around and meet her outside in the summer, like in the garden and such?

Because if you don’t see much of her anyway and are then just expecting her to come to yours for Christmas, and are ‘fed up’ it sounds like it’s your relationship that needs a bit of tolerance - from both you and her towards each other. If she’s very risk averse and you just expect her to go from 0 to 100 it kind of shows that you don’t really get her.

Well said .

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 30/11/2023 22:45

@Nickinoo22 . Not sure why you think @SingleMum11's post is 'well said'. I don't think either of you have read the OP's updates.

TempestTost · 30/11/2023 22:54

I went to my gp the other week with a nasty sinus infection and the gp wouldn't come near me until I confirmed that I had done a test !!

Wow, that's inappropriate! Some people probably shouldn't go into medicine.

laminaHK · 30/11/2023 23:31

This made me really sad OP 😞
for your mum but also for you & family missing out on making memories together.

It’s really sad what Covid & the media coverage of Covid has caused.

My grandmother’s mental health has deteriorated significantly since isolating for Covid. She only really leaves the house to go to the hairdressers. Everything she buys is delivered. She’s only just recently started attending family events again.
We tried to make her feel more comfortable by reminding her we’d be cautious, keep our distance & wouldn’t be there if we felt unwell.

However we also consistently remind her that time is so precious, none of us know what’s round the corner and we shouldn’t spend these days isolating from each other over a fear of becoming poorly. Before Covid we still ran the risk of car crashes, developing illnesses, etc.
Life is full of scary scenarios that could cut our time short, but we must make the most of it. We’re only here once.

I hope your mum manages to join you for at least a short time on Christmas. Let her know you miss her.
Take care OP hope it works out xxx

Ginmonkeyagain · 01/12/2023 07:42

Well that is the thing isn't it. Everyone has a different risk appetite but none of us know what is round the corner. I could spend years locked in my house barely seeing anyone or going anywhere because of worry about the small chance covid could make me long term sick, but then something else could happen - another disease, a disabling accident, death even (I am a few months away from the same age my very healthy mum died suddenly of an undiagnosed brain tumour leaving three young children and a husband behind).

All I would have done is missed all the things I could have done in those years.

Mrdannycat · 01/12/2023 07:56

Your mother is the smart one here. Covid hasn’t gone away and it isn’t mild. There are many people who take precautions still and it’s not ‘anxiety’ it’s a healthy response to a real danger. Covid has been minimised and we’ve taken our eyes off the ball. Covid can later cause strokes, blood clots and heart attacks, so it’s best avoided. My friend’s father in law recently died from a heart attack while ill with Covid. Her father has just been hospitalised and her and her partner caught it and have been very ill. It’s not a ‘cold’. People have been led to believe it is mild by the government who don’t give a damn who dies. Watch the Covid inquiry. Many people have been left disabled by it including children (another lie that it doesn’t affect them). Look at Long Covid Kids. Look at the research. We are still in a pandemic...

Mrdannycat · 01/12/2023 08:05

Another myth is immunity debt. You don’t need to be infected by disease for a healthy immune system. I’d research that as well.

Calliopespa · 01/12/2023 08:10

Mrdannycat · 01/12/2023 07:56

Your mother is the smart one here. Covid hasn’t gone away and it isn’t mild. There are many people who take precautions still and it’s not ‘anxiety’ it’s a healthy response to a real danger. Covid has been minimised and we’ve taken our eyes off the ball. Covid can later cause strokes, blood clots and heart attacks, so it’s best avoided. My friend’s father in law recently died from a heart attack while ill with Covid. Her father has just been hospitalised and her and her partner caught it and have been very ill. It’s not a ‘cold’. People have been led to believe it is mild by the government who don’t give a damn who dies. Watch the Covid inquiry. Many people have been left disabled by it including children (another lie that it doesn’t affect them). Look at Long Covid Kids. Look at the research. We are still in a pandemic...

It is true that it is circulating a lot and I also know people who have long lasting issues ( and one has long term lung affects despite what has been said on here) . HOWEVER while I think Christmas might not be the right time to push it, I think OP needs to start talking with her mum about a plan for the spring and venturing out a bit more. It’s all about risk and balance. If I were older with asthma I might be being more careful just now. Our DCs always land up with stinking flu/cold in the Christmas holidays ( one year Covid) so it’s not unrealistic to be cautious at this time.

countrygirl99 · 01/12/2023 08:19

I hope the OPs mother is gardening , taking walks or doing some sort of activity because even not pottering about can have a significant impact on muscle condition as we age. Once you get over 70 it's extremely hard to recover muscle condition so anyone who is sitting at home to avoid covid and not making sure they take exercise is storing up problems for the future with falls etc and all the implications they have for the elderly. Not to mention the increase in alzheimers risk from lack of social contact.

Mrdannycat · 01/12/2023 08:38

Calliopespa · 01/12/2023 08:10

It is true that it is circulating a lot and I also know people who have long lasting issues ( and one has long term lung affects despite what has been said on here) . HOWEVER while I think Christmas might not be the right time to push it, I think OP needs to start talking with her mum about a plan for the spring and venturing out a bit more. It’s all about risk and balance. If I were older with asthma I might be being more careful just now. Our DCs always land up with stinking flu/cold in the Christmas holidays ( one year Covid) so it’s not unrealistic to be cautious at this time.

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There are plenty of activities that can be done safely outdoors. Crowded indoor settings put people most at risk. The Covid meetups website would be a good place for her mum to connect with people who take Covid seriously.

AussieManque · 01/12/2023 09:05

@Nickinoo22 to be honest your GP should be taking precautions that mean they can see patients with or without a test, especially given how unreliable tests are these days, and since spread can happen via asymptomatic patients. This sounds like a GP not keeping up to date with research on how COVID spreads.

GP should be protecting themselves with a respirator, monitoring indoor CO2, running HEPAs and opening windows. They should require all patients to mask. They shouldn't be refusing to see patients because they haven't taken adequate measures to keep themselves and others in their clinic safe!

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 01/12/2023 10:19

GP should be protecting themselves with a respirator

That's all very well but what about people who are deaf and struggle to understand when people are wearing masks? How are they supposed to manage? DH is partially deaf and really struggled when everyone was wearing a mask. It didn't help that the ridiculous rules meant most medical settings wouldn't allow me to accompany him to appointments.

Calliopespa · 01/12/2023 10:46

Mrdannycat · 01/12/2023 08:38

There are plenty of activities that can be done safely outdoors. Crowded indoor settings put people most at risk. The Covid meetups website would be a good place for her mum to connect with people who take Covid seriously.

Show quote history

I think the problem is sitting out in the cold is better for covid but not so much for some other health issues, including asthma. The problem is if OP lures her out and she gets ill very swiftly, it is only going to reinforce her mums fears and the whole situation will go backwards. I’d leave her for the cold and flu season. If she has some good experiences in the spring and summer when it is pleasant and easy to be outdoors, hopefully by next Christmas she will have grown in confidence and got comfortable with some less restrictive limits. But meet-ups with other Covid-award people sounds a good suggestion more generally.

Nickinoo22 · 01/12/2023 10:47

@AussieManque ... I totally agree with you and always have a mask ready . I often wear it when sitting in the waiting room if it's crowded. When I ask the doctors if they want me to keep it on I am told no 🤷‍♀️ this was one of the few times, due to my face being so painful, that I didn't .
I am not paranoid but cautious due to health issues.

Nickinoo22 · 01/12/2023 10:53

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

I totally understand what you say how difficult it is for the hard of hearing I have 70% loss in one ear and 50% in the other so lip reading is my saving but I do find the majority of people, if you explain, are helpful and raise their voices. Sometimes it works other times not . I am sure I have often agreed to something I shouldn't have lol but it's better than getting covid if you are at risk in my opinion.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 01/12/2023 11:04

Agreeing to something you shouldn't in a medical situation really isn't better than getting Covid for the majority of people

RosaMoline · 01/12/2023 11:19

All the quite aggressive posters on this thread defending the mum…when do they think we should go back to normal? Are they planning to live the rest of their lives like this?! Covid is here to stay.

Calliopespa · 01/12/2023 11:32

RosaMoline · 01/12/2023 11:19

All the quite aggressive posters on this thread defending the mum…when do they think we should go back to normal? Are they planning to live the rest of their lives like this?! Covid is here to stay.

I think she needs to work at building up her confidence over the spring/summer when she is less likely to encounter setbacks healthwise.

captainerdsbye · 01/12/2023 11:48

OP hasn't ever actually said if her mum is happy as she is.

Having shopping delivered, seeing people you want to see when you want to and choosing whether or not to go to big gatherings sounds like living the dream to me.

There are loads of assumptions about her physical health and people wringing their hands and painting pictures of her sitting alone in her house with her nana blanket staring into the middle distance wasting away. I know plenty of 70 year olds that have gardens beautifully maintained, allotments to run, places they like walking and chatting to friends on the phone and on facebook.

Yes, it's sad that she doesn't want to come to OP's house, but perhaps if OP researched and then discussed with her what she could do to make her feel safe to visit she might be more willing.

Calliopespa · 01/12/2023 12:40

captainerdsbye · 01/12/2023 11:48

OP hasn't ever actually said if her mum is happy as she is.

Having shopping delivered, seeing people you want to see when you want to and choosing whether or not to go to big gatherings sounds like living the dream to me.

There are loads of assumptions about her physical health and people wringing their hands and painting pictures of her sitting alone in her house with her nana blanket staring into the middle distance wasting away. I know plenty of 70 year olds that have gardens beautifully maintained, allotments to run, places they like walking and chatting to friends on the phone and on facebook.

Yes, it's sad that she doesn't want to come to OP's house, but perhaps if OP researched and then discussed with her what she could do to make her feel safe to visit she might be more willing.

I really agree. I DO think it’s going a bit far if she doesn’t see her family or go to the optometrist/GP, and I understand OP would like in her life more as direct family, which I think is reasonable. But beyond that, live and let live! Not everyone has to be down at the pub or traipsing the supermarket aisles to be living a life “worth having”. She clearly has a friend who was close enough to go away with for a while. She doesn’t have to be gallivanting about the city to pass the “more than mere existence” test. As mentioned above, I have a writer friend who has found his life transformed ( for the better) once the lockdowns forced him to sign up for grocery delivery etc. And on another thread an OP is discussing how work from home has transformed their life for the better. Others can’t stand it and are like caged lions. We are all different and I don’t think it’s for absolute strangers to deem a life “not worth living .”

Behindyouiam · 01/12/2023 13:29

Mrdannycat · 01/12/2023 07:56

Your mother is the smart one here. Covid hasn’t gone away and it isn’t mild. There are many people who take precautions still and it’s not ‘anxiety’ it’s a healthy response to a real danger. Covid has been minimised and we’ve taken our eyes off the ball. Covid can later cause strokes, blood clots and heart attacks, so it’s best avoided. My friend’s father in law recently died from a heart attack while ill with Covid. Her father has just been hospitalised and her and her partner caught it and have been very ill. It’s not a ‘cold’. People have been led to believe it is mild by the government who don’t give a damn who dies. Watch the Covid inquiry. Many people have been left disabled by it including children (another lie that it doesn’t affect them). Look at Long Covid Kids. Look at the research. We are still in a pandemic...

It's a cold for the majority and it's not the government tell me this, it's the people I know that are getting it.

Do you really think we are smart if we all live like OPs mum? Because I think sad is what that life is.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 01/12/2023 13:32

She clearly has a friend who was close enough to go away with for a while.

A friend who self isolated for 10 days before they went away. That really isn't normal and to be honest OP's DM is lucky the friend was able to do this as many people couldn't.

TrashedSofa · 01/12/2023 13:34

Calliopespa · 01/12/2023 10:46

I think the problem is sitting out in the cold is better for covid but not so much for some other health issues, including asthma. The problem is if OP lures her out and she gets ill very swiftly, it is only going to reinforce her mums fears and the whole situation will go backwards. I’d leave her for the cold and flu season. If she has some good experiences in the spring and summer when it is pleasant and easy to be outdoors, hopefully by next Christmas she will have grown in confidence and got comfortable with some less restrictive limits. But meet-ups with other Covid-award people sounds a good suggestion more generally.

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Agree, I think with an asthmatic older person the boat for this Christmas has likely already been missed. Better to use the time to come up with a longer term plan for once the weather has warmed up.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 01/12/2023 13:37

I think people have lost their ability to assess risk and their response to catching Covid is disproportionate. So many things we do come with an element of 'risk', crossing the road, travelling by car, running for a bus, how many people or hurt or injured by accidents in the home. What is important is to have the ability to be balanced and rational or the biggest risk is having no life at all cut off from everyone and living in fear.

Calliopespa · 01/12/2023 13:55

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 01/12/2023 13:32

She clearly has a friend who was close enough to go away with for a while.

A friend who self isolated for 10 days before they went away. That really isn't normal and to be honest OP's DM is lucky the friend was able to do this as many people couldn't.

No, lots couldn’t- though actually my mum and three of her friends just did ( a week) for the 70th birthday party of a friend whose DH has cancer. But OP’s mum’s particular circumstances are such that she clearly does have a friend who can, and hers is the situation at issue. A ( very reasonable) post from OP about how to spend more time with her mum has somehow morphed into a general rant about whether people should be all out or all in - and everyone takes a side and lobs insults at those who don’t do it their way. If she has a friend who is willing, and is happy with the way she is doing things, why not? That aspect seems unproblematic to me. Where she does need to rethink is not seeing her family, esp as it is upsetting her daughter.