Mum STILL self-isolating

[Mumofteens4892]

My 70yr old mum has chronic asthma and is still self isolating from COVID. I'm actually pissed off that she's not coming for Christmas for the 4th xmas in a row. She lives on her own. She lives 5 miles away and we never see her.

AIBU to be utterly fed up?

Her immune system will no doubt pick up any bug going, after so long not going in shops or seeing anyone at all, so she has a good point, and it would be awful if she caught something from us at xmas, but where do we go from here?

It's so interesting. During the thick of Covid, particularly when masking was required, 'mental health' was a huge buzzword on the Covid board. However, it was used by those who didn't want to wear masks, or isolate, or do any of the mitigations suggested or mandated by the Government - supposedly because 'their mental health was suffering'.

But I suppose mental health support only applies in special cases, then?

Hmm. Also interesting. I have a relative with a type of cancer that causes blood clots - enormous long clots. He is terminal. He has had Covid once and was hospitalised with more clots and blood in his urine. If he catches it again, it's likely game over.

You do know it's a vascular virus as well as respiratory, right? It is far more deadly.

It's too bad OP. There is a % of people who were really topped over the edge into a spiral of anxiety by the messaging around covid. It's not healthy at all, and what they don't seem to realize is that social isolation itself is a huge killer.

I would be inclined at this point to be blunt, and ask her what exactly she is living for, when she has cut herself off from her children and grandchildren?

Which seems mean under normal circumstances, but sometimes people in a spiral like that need a shock to get themselves out of it.

Never again?! What in the actual heck? So that's it for the rest of her life?! I'd be calling adult social services to check on her because she sounds mentally ill

Why? Because she doesn't want to to be infected with a level 3 biohazard? You are the one sounding mentally ill and sadistic too.

Her life, her choices. Since when are we living in a Communist state?

The government and left wing Covid zealots really did a number on vast number of people, didn’t they. Lockdowns that were needed in the first place, that damaged a while generation of children irreparably, destroyed the economy, peoples mental health are a permanent feature of so many people’s lives. Unfortunately, so many have learned nothing from this and would be duped again in a heartbeat.

And with the passage of time they been proved right. It’s the Covid hysterics who still think Covid was some sort of Ebola that look stupid now.

@CityLass I assume you are happy for everyone else who supports stay at home life styles to be "infected with level 3 biohazards"? People who supply your energy, broadband and food etc.. cannot work from home. If everyone behaved like you and the OP's mum the country would collapse.

Most people are not getting covid all the time. I have had all the vaccines I am eligible for (3) and have been out and about as much as I was allowed all through lockdown and got back to normal asap (I live in London so have to use crowded public transport) and have been to music festivals, crowded pubs etc..

I have had covid precisely once. I had a tickly throat and was a bit thirsty for a few days.

Mr Monkey works in retail in central London and has never had covid - even when he had to share close quarters with me when I was infected.

I get more vulnerable people need to be a bit more cautious but that was the same before with other viruses. Winter flu killed tens of thousands of vulnerable people every winter before covid and you didn't get this sort of hysteria. People got jabbed and those who were vulnerable were careful.

@lkwhjis

And with the passage of time they been proved right. It’s the Covid hysterics who still think Covid was some sort of Ebola that look stupid now.

Did you even read my post properly? My point was mental health was used then to avoid mitigations - 'I can't wear a mask because it affects my mental health', 'isolating wrecked my mental health - I'm never doing it again', etc. - and all of those were greeted with sympathy. But these? 'I wear masks everywhere.' 'I have Covid anxiety.' 'My PIL have isolated for four years!' These are met with derision. Can you see the difference?

I think OP your comments and decision yesterday late morning is a good way forward.

To what end though? Just to exist? Older people’s worlds tend to shrink naturally, I’d be wanting to avoid hastening that.

Would you prefer to go blind? I’m not trying to be a cow it’s a genuine question.

My DS has severe asthma and after he had Covid he blew his biggest ever peak flow & continued to do so!

He went from regular hospital visits to 6 monthly GP reviews.

But he's 9 not 70

I’m not sure “just to exist “ is fair. Agreed she needs to see GP and family from time to time. But she recently had a holiday with a friend. I think some people are more inclined toward a quieter life than others, esp in the latter part of their life. They read, write, bake, garden, chat by phone etc. It’s one of the things I have noticed post covid, that many realised their old manic lifestyle hadn’t been necessary. Others however were just desperate do their own shopping or to go to the pub. But that kind of existence isn’t for all. I have a friend who writes non-fiction. He had the most productive part of his career. It’s not fair to suggest a slower pace is “ just existing.”

It's understandable that, for a vulnerable person, living cautiously means constant risk assessment and making choices about things that they can and cannot do. What is clearly very hurtful for the OP is that her mum's choices don't include seeing her or her grandchildren except on very rare occasions. I would find that painful. This seems to have been lost in yet another Covid thread where folk can't resist chucking around inflammatory terms like 'idiots', 'hysterics', 'biohazard' etc etc.

It's like we're back in 2020

Of course I wouldn't prefer to go blind. That's not going to happen just because I haven't been to an optician recently. My eyesight is perfectly fine thanks.

Horrendous the fear that Covid has caused to some elderly people. My late MIL was utterly terrified, would not go out of the door for the fear of catching Covid. Before then she was out everyday regularly travelled by public transport, was extremely independent. It was scary seeing her mental health suffer and her world totally shrink. Very sadly she had to be admitted to hospital for an extended period, where she caught Covid, didn’t have any symptoms and would never have known if she hasn’t been routinely tested. I honestly believe she would still be here now if Covid hadn’t happened.

I'm 70 next year and the way I preserve my health is exercise, social interaction, stretching my brain by going to new places and learning new things. Not by shutting myself away (which I didn't do even during the pandemic) or refusing to accept that life is a lot LOT safer than it was nearly four years ago.

She’s got a chronic health condition that any respiratory virus will make worse. See her with a mask and after using hand gel. Keep in contact with her. Make sure she has her flu, pneumonia and Covid jabs.

Maybe your mum secretly enjoys cutting herself off? Maybe she finds life less stressful? I am not trivialising her actions as it is possible that she lives with a lot of anxiety.
I remember, during lockdown, welcoming the opportunity to cut myself off from a lot of people I know!

Sorry - clicked send too soon. Doesn’t mean I don’t sympathise with your feelings of losing your mum. 🌺

Make sure she has her flu, pneumonia and Covid jabs

She's 70, not 7. How do you suggest the OP does that if her mother doesn't want them?

Using verbal communication to explain the advantages of having these vaccinations. Simple. If the person refuses this healthcare then it’s their right to do so.