To ask my DH to sleep in the caravan when he works these shifts?

[CaraVann]

As a part of (but not compulsory) DH’s job he does the Winter gritting.

The shift patterns are one week on, one off. It starts in October through to late March, sometimes April. They usually don’t start actually gritting until this time of year where we live (SE).

Tbh, it does brings in a good amount of extra income which at anytime is welcome but particularly during this COL crisis.

However, I find it really disruptive.

The times of the shifts change frequently depending on when the frosts/snows are due. Sometimes it could be from say 3pm-7pm and then back again 2-6am the same day or (the best shifts) 7-11pm.

This week has been particularly frosty here so he has been working double shifts - 2-6pm and 2-6am. He will get the next day off work to sleep.

However, the rest of us in the family (myself, DS18 and DD15) do not get the benefit of a lie in. Instead we have a disturbed nights sleep. For the dc this is mainly because our rescue dog (we’ve had him a year), who normally sleeps through will bark the house down when Dh leaves/returns (doesn’t matter which part of the house we put him in, he’s on high alert for ‘intruders’).

DC and dogs aside it wakes me regardless. I’m a light sleeper anyhow but once I’ve been woken that’s it, I’m awake.
We have a spare bedroom but it’s under our bedroom and I’d still hear him creeping about and the dog will still bark so I’d wake anyhow.
Last night I had 3 hours, broken, sleep. I (and the kids) are shattered. Dd has missed her bus to school because we overslept once we got back to sleep.
We are all grouchy and miserable this morning.

This is the AIBU part. We have our touring caravan stored at the bottom of our garden. I’ve suggested to Dh that he sleeps in there during these middle of the night shifts but he’s reluctant. Not because of the actual caravan as it’s lovely with a fixed bed, an en-suite shower room and very warm heater but because a) it would mean leaving his car out on the side road to save coming through the house as we have no side path/entrance (10 year old car, nothing special) and because the caravan will cost a lot to heat.

Who is BU though?

Dc and I really appreciate DH working these crap shifts (although he says he actually enjoys being out on the road at night with heater and radio on and wouldn’t give it up even if I earned more money) but it really affects our lives.
DS has work, DD has mocks and I work part time and care for my dm who has Alzheimer’s. I also have a chronic health condition which is affected by lack of sleep. I have to care for my mum
today and then I have a hospital appointment but all I want to do is crawl back into bed.

What would you suggested in our situation?

@mydogisthebest

animals don’t trump humans, end of.

You need to sleep in the caravan.

Get the DCs some earplugs.

You all need to spend time working with the dog so that it doesn’t bark when people come in.

Your dog likely bark’s because it doesn’t know who it is.
Dh needs to come in as quick as possible and let the dog see him and reassure it.

Him being as quiet as possible won´t help if the dog´s barking wakes everyone!

And it isn´t just about OP but also about their DC...

Being woken up at 6 wouldn´t really be an issue for me either but it clearly is for OP and their children. Which is completely reasonable.
I therefore see why this isn´t sustainable in OP´s opinion.

Seeking the help of a qualified dog trainer and DH sleeping in the caravan on school nights for the time being might be a temporary solution.

@mydogisthebest

Wow and we are meant to be a nation of animal lovers!

I mean I love animals but I am fucked if I would sleep in a pissing caravan so we could have one.

No wonder so many animals end up in rescue when people think you should just get rid of a dog because it barks when someone is coming into its home.

People are not saying that though, nobody thinks all dogs that bark when someone entered the house should be rehomed, they are saying this situation does not work for your family set up. Unfortunately it's something that should have been considered before taking on a dog. OP is the issue here, not the pejole suggesting they regime the dog.

The dog is protecting its home and its family which is what most normal people would want a dog to do.

OP doesnt want the dog to do it though, does she?

It's a difficult one. I very much sympathise with you because I also have difficulty sleeping and a chronic health condition that is aggravated by lack of sleep.

But there's just something off about sending a family member to sleep in a caravan. If he wanted to, that would be fine. But it doesn't sound like he does.

If you're not willing to sleep in the caravan instead, it can't be that lovely in there.

Being woken at 6 is the problem? What time do the kids and you want to wake up? Can DH not go and have breakfast and come in at 7 instead? I cant really see the issue with the night time but then I go to bed late so would stay up until 1am when DH would get up ready to go then go to bed no barking needed

@mydogisthebestWhy would you train a dog not to bark when someone is entering the house especially if it is late at night, during the night or early morning? So if they got burgled and the dog did not bark they should be fine with it should they?

Presumably that would be the job of the burglar Alarm?

EDIT: Apologies, not to disagree with you that "getting rid of the dog" is a shit thing to do as well, i find that would be abhorrent; You don't do that.

Agree with PPs... solution seems to be you go in the caravan with the dog. Then everyone gets to sleep and nobody's crowded or alone.

Is that not workable?

@CaraVann the dog could sleep in the caravan?

There are approx 12 million pet dogs in the UK. Many, many, many of these dogs don't bark when someone they know (ie their owner) comes in the house, even at night.

I've had 6 dogs in my whole life and they would only bark if someone they didn't know came in at night, for example when I'd bring a friend back to mine after a night out.

OP, would your god not bark if it thought someone was sneaking around the garden or breaking into the caravan? What about someone going to the toilet or getting up for a drink in the middle of the night?

@PumpkinsAndCoconuts 'Being woken up at 6 wouldn´t really be an issue for me either but it clearly is for OP and their children. Which is completely reasonable.'

I think you need to read the OPs posts again. The issue isn't the 6am it's the fact he wakes the dog at 2am which means that everyone is up the same hours that the DH works. Fine for DH who gets to sleep the next day, not so much everyone else.

Also it's not like OP has had this dog since a pup she's rescued it so tolerance is needed

Get rid of the dog. It it is obviously unsuitable for your DH work patterns.
You sleep in the caravan
Sorted.

You’re being ridiculous. My husband works in theatre and events. He’s always home in the middle of the night/going out early. He’s my husband though and I wouldn’t dream of telling him to sleep in the caravan.

I grew up with my dad working odd hours and a dog who liked the sound of his own voice, it is what it is.

Seems a bit mean to have him bringing in extra money to a house he isn’t allowed to sleep in.

Good point, thank you for pointing that out!

good sleep is absolutely crucial and I do believe that there needs to be a solution.

I rather like the compromoise of OP sleeping in the caravan with the dog.

She and her DH could alternate (if the dog won´t be further unsettled by the change in routine).

He sleeps in the caravan for one week, she the next week etc.

Op and her H need to sit down and work out a solution. That will only work if H acknowledges that there is a problem to solve, of course.

It's not every night is it, it's occasional ones as far as I gather?

The way I see it these are some possible solutions:

• H changes shifts (the most obvious solution)
• H sleeps in caravan
• OP or adult DS sleeps in caravan with dog
• Or can OP sleep over at her mum's with dog (if she's there to do some caring first or last thing anyway)

OP and H will need to negotiate and both be willing to compromise to find a solution.

How does the dog manage if someone gets up to the loo at night?
Do neither of your dc or you have nights out with friends?

So how does the dog know who is coming into the house until he sees them? Is it meant to be psychic?

Pretty sure most dogs would bark in these circumstances and I certainly would want my dogs to.

I don't know anyone who has a burglar alarm but many have dogs!

I think this is a great idea and a perfect solution for everyone all round.

And many do, even those who have had loving and secure homes all their lives, so what's your point?

I know my labradoodle was always convinced I was a burglar if I came in late at night after everybody had gone to bed. It wasn't until I was in the door she recognised that I was me, even if i was speaking to her from outside. My labrador now can't be arsed to get out of bed to even look. My labrador before would bark at the postman, all deliveries, and would definitely bark at any movement in the night time. None of them rescues. All just dogs being dogs.

I think it's fine for you to ask him to sleep in there, as long as you can put a heater on a timer so he's not arriving to a freezing cold bed.

People suggesting earplugs - they're not going to cut it with a frantic barking dog.

@mydogisthebest I don't know what to say then, anyone i know with property has one. Perhaps they're less common in rented accommodation?

so ear plugs for the DC and you out in the caravan. Problem solved.

I will repeat again for those dumb enough not to understand - you don't get a dog then just get rid on a whim.

If it were a baby or young child waking and crying solutions would be given. No one, obviously, would say "get rid" but a dog can just be discarded like a piece of rubbish.

In my view animals do trump ignorant selfish humans, end of