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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my DH to sleep in the caravan when he works these shifts?

362 replies

CaraVann · 29/11/2023 09:01

As a part of (but not compulsory) DH’s job he does the Winter gritting.

The shift patterns are one week on, one off. It starts in October through to late March, sometimes April. They usually don’t start actually gritting until this time of year where we live (SE).

Tbh, it does brings in a good amount of extra income which at anytime is welcome but particularly during this COL crisis.

However, I find it really disruptive.

The times of the shifts change frequently depending on when the frosts/snows are due. Sometimes it could be from say 3pm-7pm and then back again 2-6am the same day or (the best shifts) 7-11pm.

This week has been particularly frosty here so he has been working double shifts - 2-6pm and 2-6am. He will get the next day off work to sleep.

However, the rest of us in the family (myself, DS18 and DD15) do not get the benefit of a lie in. Instead we have a disturbed nights sleep. For the dc this is mainly because our rescue dog (we’ve had him a year), who normally sleeps through will bark the house down when Dh leaves/returns (doesn’t matter which part of the house we put him in, he’s on high alert for ‘intruders’).

DC and dogs aside it wakes me regardless. I’m a light sleeper anyhow but once I’ve been woken that’s it, I’m awake.
We have a spare bedroom but it’s under our bedroom and I’d still hear him creeping about and the dog will still bark so I’d wake anyhow.
Last night I had 3 hours, broken, sleep. I (and the kids) are shattered. Dd has missed her bus to school because we overslept once we got back to sleep.
We are all grouchy and miserable this morning.

This is the AIBU part. We have our touring caravan stored at the bottom of our garden. I’ve suggested to Dh that he sleeps in there during these middle of the night shifts but he’s reluctant. Not because of the actual caravan as it’s lovely with a fixed bed, an en-suite shower room and very warm heater but because a) it would mean leaving his car out on the side road to save coming through the house as we have no side path/entrance (10 year old car, nothing special) and because the caravan will cost a lot to heat.

Who is BU though?

Dc and I really appreciate DH working these crap shifts (although he says he actually enjoys being out on the road at night with heater and radio on and wouldn’t give it up even if I earned more money) but it really affects our lives.
DS has work, DD has mocks and I work part time and care for my dm who has Alzheimer’s. I also have a chronic health condition which is affected by lack of sleep. I have to care for my mum
today and then I have a hospital appointment but all I want to do is crawl back into bed.

What would you suggested in our situation?

OP posts:
Frasers · 29/11/2023 12:45

Ellsternell · 29/11/2023 12:43

I don’t have a dog so forgive me if not, could the dog go in the caravan on these nights?

No you can’t leave a dog overnight alone, the dog can go in if the op goes with them,

Morecladding · 29/11/2023 12:46

Frasers · 29/11/2023 12:37

Also you’re posting like the man is off down the pub and doing what he wants for the love of it, he’s driving a freaking gritter, out in all weather and all hours, I’m fairly sure if they were loaded he’d not do it, she’s very clear she appreciates him doing it as they need the money,

sure if she earned enough to cover the extra he keep doing it, as he’d still habe to work, so he’d be doing something else instead. He clearly isn’t pulling double shifts for the fun of it, but she didn’t say if I earned enough you didn’t need to work would you still do it.

you seem to think he’s being selfish doing it when even the op is very clear that’s not the case.

I just think he has chosen a job that gives him the next day off to recover, whilst OP has a hell of a lot on her plate. And he isn't willing to do his bit to make things easier, infact his job is making hers and the kids life worse. You say double shifts, they are two 4 hour shifts so 8 hours on total.

Frasers · 29/11/2023 12:46

Morecladding · 29/11/2023 12:46

I just think he has chosen a job that gives him the next day off to recover, whilst OP has a hell of a lot on her plate. And he isn't willing to do his bit to make things easier, infact his job is making hers and the kids life worse. You say double shifts, they are two 4 hour shifts so 8 hours on total.

I understand that’s what you think.

Ellsternell · 29/11/2023 12:46

I don’t see how it’s any different to the dog being downstairs alone? Assuming the dog doesn’t need to be in the bedroom.

Pugdays · 29/11/2023 12:49

OMFG
Your poor husband,working hard for the family and relegated to the caravan
Do u realise how freezing cold that would be
Wow ,just wow and not in a good way

RafaFan · 29/11/2023 12:51

Wiccan · 29/11/2023 10:29

Wow that's stereotyping ! . Men do feel the cold ya know . 🙄

I believe it was good old British sarcasm...

Frasers · 29/11/2023 12:51

Ellsternell · 29/11/2023 12:46

I don’t see how it’s any different to the dog being downstairs alone? Assuming the dog doesn’t need to be in the bedroom.

Really. You think there is no difference being locked in a caravan at the bottom of the garden alone, versus being in the house with others.

im not sure anyone can explain the difference if you do.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/11/2023 12:56

Can you put dog in caravan

Smellslikesummer · 29/11/2023 12:59

Sleep in the caravan with the dog: problem solved.

What time does he come hole after his shift? If he finishes at 6am he must be back between 6-7, which I wouldn’t consider an antisocial time to wake others up, so really the issue is you/the children being woken up when he leaves for his 2am shift, ie around 1:30 am?

HikingforScenery · 29/11/2023 12:59

you sleeping in the caravan with the dog, and your children wearing ear plugs might a good solution.
Your poor neighbours having to listen to that racket in the middle of the night. At least you get the benefit of extra money in your home.

Wiccan · 29/11/2023 13:02

RafaFan · 29/11/2023 12:51

I believe it was good old British sarcasm...

Yes and I already made a sarcastic jibe about it being hard to tell it's MN 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 do keep up dear !

Flossflower · 29/11/2023 13:02

CaraVann · 29/11/2023 09:34

Because we are not all dog haters. Some of us try to repair the damage that arsehole human beings have done to certain animals.

But it clearly wasn’t a good idea to get a dog while your husband is doing nights. Just wait for retirement. I also agree you sleep in the caravan with the dog.

InSpainTheRain · 29/11/2023 13:02

I think YABU to ask him to sleep in the caravan. He is working hard and that seems a horrible thing to do. You could all get ear plugs, make sure he has some dog treats handy to shut the dog up, Tey not to "stew" if he wakes you up, take it as reassurance he is home, train the dog not to bark when he comes in.

Bansheed · 29/11/2023 13:03

Batshit. Get rid of the dog, or sleep with the dog, in the caravan, yourself.

Robinni · 29/11/2023 13:05

Rehome the dog.

Let your husband sleep in the house.

priorities

colourfulchinadolls · 29/11/2023 13:06

Absolutely unbelievable OP. He's working 2am till 6 and I imagine he's being as quiet as possible? I fail to see how this is causing such a disturbance that your poor husband needs to sleep in a caravan. Honestly I can't believe what I've read.

If it were my DH I'd get up, get him a hot drink and snuggle together when he got in, but if you want to shove him in a caravan then fine. Honestly just can't believe the entitlement.

GirrlCrush · 29/11/2023 13:11

@Goodornot

Yess as h it's a dog... so?? They have taken it on,?it's their responsibility

Op needs to sort herself out, it's a 'her' problem.....and the DH should get to sleep in his own bed

mydogisthebest · 29/11/2023 13:11

Robinni · 29/11/2023 13:05

Rehome the dog.

Let your husband sleep in the house.

priorities

Wow and we are meant to be a nation of animal lovers!

No wonder so many animals end up in rescue when people think you should just get rid of a dog because it barks when someone is coming into its home.

The dog is protecting its home and its family which is what most normal people would want a dog to do.

mydogisthebest · 29/11/2023 13:13

BalloonSalesperson · 29/11/2023 11:50

Why should the dog, who is doing what dogs are meant to do, be put in the caravan

Why should the husband, who isn't doing the barking, be put in the caravan?

I don't think the husband should go in the caravan. The OP needs to wear earplugs and if she can't or doesn't want to then she goes in the caravan

Robinni · 29/11/2023 13:15

@mydogisthebest

The dog is a rescue and they are not able to give it a home where it’s needs are met.

It’s not adequately trained and it is being woken many nights during the week and put under stress.

Ergo you move the dog to a more suitable home.

And stop prioritising a dog over 4 humans.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 29/11/2023 13:16

Morecladding · 29/11/2023 12:46

I just think he has chosen a job that gives him the next day off to recover, whilst OP has a hell of a lot on her plate. And he isn't willing to do his bit to make things easier, infact his job is making hers and the kids life worse. You say double shifts, they are two 4 hour shifts so 8 hours on total.

So you don't think his picking up these extra hours, to get more income as the op only works part time to enable her to support her dm isn't helpful?
What tasks do you need to do for your dm op?

mydogisthebest · 29/11/2023 13:22

This reply has been deleted

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Morecladding · 29/11/2023 13:23

Ofcourse the money is helpful but posters are making out that the poor husband is working 13 hour shifts in torturous conditions. He drives a gritter for 8 hours (split into two 4 hour shifts) and gets the next day in a quiet house to recover. A little consideration for the rest of the house in the time they need to sleep before they leave could help.

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/11/2023 13:24

Op why don’t you and the dog sleep in the Caraven
?

like fuck would I sleep in a caravan in winter cos of a dog

JudgeJ · 29/11/2023 13:26

betterangels · 29/11/2023 09:11

YABVU. Get some ear plugs. Or choose the caravan.

Or put the yappy dog in the caravan!