Dh works all the time - Ruining my maternity

[joao2570]

My dh runs a business and at the moment, it needs a lot of attention.

But I need a lot of attention too. 8 days ago I had our second baby, and we have a 1 year old too. We've had issues latching which are just resolving and my one year old has been a bit tearful and clingy.

My dh has not taken 2 weeks paternity leave. His reasoning is he just can't. He said he would do the minimum an hour or so a day but it's been lots more. I've been crying every day because I'm so exhausted and hormonal and I feel exhausted after 2 mins with my one year old.

It's turning into lots of hours here or there that I am alone with both children. Today my 1 year old is at nursery, so dh only had to have him a couple of hours in the morning. He's slept upstairs while I've been up all night with the newborn.

Our one year old woke up early and dh left him to cry and woke up me and newborn. On top of that he wants me to have both for an hour this morning so he can work before he takes 1 year old to nursery.

Im exhausted. I only get his help for 2 weeks and I haven't even got that. I'm ready to leave him as I feel work always comes first. I have 2 little children and I don't want them to feel like this either. When my first was born, he did the same thing. I'm still not over it as I was just left on my own looking after a baby while he worked in the other room and expected me to make him lunch!

I'm not asking for much, just the 2 weeks paternity leave so I can heal and be a good mum to my children. Aibu for just wanting my partner to not work and prioritise us for 2 weeks? I feel like he's ruining my maternity both times with this.

@joao2570 the only thing I think you are doing wrong is giving too much headspace to the subset of posters who are dumping on you.

Otherwise, congratulations on having a healthy and wanted child, who just came a little earlier than you would have preferred, and for finally taking steps you need to take in order to cope with the initial weeks, which can be particularly difficult if you have had a difficult birthing experience!

With nearly 100 staff?

🥇 🥈 🥉 for @Robbee

I know this was an old thread - but that was not my mother or MIL’s experience. Both were in for a week in the sixties and babies were in the nursery overnight. I was in for five nights in 2000 as midwives were trying to get DS1 to latch. Everyone I know was horrified when I was out in 48 hours in 2008 after a cs.

Same. In for a week in the 70s and babies taken away at night.

I was in for 4 days after a c section in 2006 and 2 days in 2008 also after a c section. I can remember crying in 2008 the night I came home because I was so tired and in pain and overwhelmed. My mum was in for 10 days in the 70s and early 80s and she couldn't believe they didn't take the babies away at night.

Yes, no one seems to focus on how little care post partum women receive now compared to women in the sixties. I was left to feed and wind on the night 36 hours after a cs. I remember thinking I should have gone home as DH would have helped.