DH: CF or massive Tw*t?

[AppelationStation]

I'll try to keep it brief.

Worked a 14 hour day yesterday (Monday) with travel to London for meetings. Worked from home today, finishing after 6.30pm because my Chair needed a meeting. Whilst working from home I did both school runs, took the sick dog to the vets, nipped to the shop and made the contents of a pie for tea in my lunch break. Had some flex in my hours because of yesterday but still a full on day. I sat down for 20 mins at 2ish and fell asleep for 10 of them.

Because my trustee meetings went on into the evening, I asked DH, when he got home, to assemble pie, make some mash and boil broccoli. He did so.

Because I didn't cook all of the dinner, he insisted it was my turn to wash the pots. He refuses to have a dishwasher. Usually I cook, he washes. Today he had to do some cooking, so for him it follows I do the dishes. Finished them about 11.

For context, DH does a stress free job he loves that earns just above minimum wage. I am an underpaid CEO in a small non profit that works at the sharp end with people who are homeless and/or domestic abuse survivors. I earn 30% more than he does, have way more responsibility, and still do most of the life admin/ school runs/ cooking /housework. He's a great 'fun dad', around the house, does what he's asked to, rolls his eyes if I dare to complain and considers himself a feminist.

Is he just a bog standard CF husband? Or in serious Massive Twat territory? I genuinely think my current workload will kill me early. He doesn't seem to care.

That wasn't as brief as I intended.

I wish I was this succinct.

Ah yes, it couldn't possibly be the slack dimwit mediocre males who are all there on "merit" being the cause of their underperforming.

I don't do 14hr London days all that often. I do often work at home in the evenings. I do my job because a) I care about it and it needs doing, and b) I hope it will lead to better paid jobs in the future.

I asked him to put a pre rolled pastry lid on top of an otherwise already made pie.

I did take a long lunch break because I had TOIL from the day before. I used almost all of it to run errands, although I did sit on the sofa for 20 mins.

Annoyingly, I was a bit of a twat in that I was so cross a thought "sod it" and helped myself to a sloe gin he made a couple of weeks ago. So today he is annoyed with me because he asked me not to touch it til Christmas and ignoring his request has made him feel like I dont care about his feelings.

Oh please.

What a prick.

How do women look at men like this.

Absolutely beyond me.

ignoring his request has made him feel like I dont care about his feelings

Oh honestly. I’m sorry but boo fucking hoo for him. How old is he, 5?

He’s absolutely ridiculous. How do you stand him?

I haven't read all the way through, but this level of input into home life, I'd be quite pleased with. But then my bar is at world record limbo level. Another story. Of course OP, he needs to not be so ridiculous.

She asked him to assemble a pie, the contents of which she had made earlier that day in between wfh, school run, dog to vet etc.

All he had to do was put add shop pastry and stick it in the oven!

Xpost with OP.

He doesn’t care about your feelings when he doesn’t step up and take his children to school, or cook dinner without whining about you washing up or for some unknown but absolutely bloody stupid reason decide HE doesn’t want a dishwasher but his wife will bloody well wash up when he thinks she should to pull her weight. ‘Well no why would I care about your feelings? When have you been caring about mine? Im totally fucking exhausted and still carrying you every day in this excuse for a partnership. I can’t do that and also be sweet and caring about your feelings, you can use all the free time and energy you have from working less hours and doing a fraction of what I do around the house and for our kids to BLOODY WELL CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS MAYBE!! Also, you need to take a day off work Thursday as the dishwasher is coming, you need to let them in. No dishwasher, no more marriage.

This.

😆😆 your latest post just makes him sound even more pathetic. He sounds like my friend’s husband who recently had an affair because she “didn’t care about his feelings”. What was her crime? Doing absolutely fucking everything for him whilst he felt sorry for himself about his job.
Can’t fucking stand these wastes of space.

Reading your posts has given me the rage on your behalf, OP. Your H is a selfish, entitled, self-righteous, insufferable twat.

Also, the lack of dishwasher is not the main problem here, but like everyone else I recommend getting one. Possibly followed by a new patio. 😉

Get real.
Get a dishwasher.
Get a divorce.

Also this made me laugh out loud. 😁

He's a massive twat who is happy to let you carry him.

That's not a partner, it's a piss taker.

Feminist my arse. He's a lazy twat

And stop fucking enabling him

in my experience men who make a big deal about being a feminist are in fact the most regressive in their attitudes to the women in their lives.

Good men don't sound off; they pitch in and help out.

Get a dishwasher, weekly cleaner, if life isn’t better in the new year, relationship counselling or divorce lawyer!

I have a male relative like this. He thinks he's really cool and down with the kids and a feminist. Yet despite never doing the cooking or washing up himself, he didn't want his wife to get a kitchen with 'white goods everywhere' or a dishwasher because he wanted everything freestanding and 'rustic' looking.
In short, he is a twat, and I'm afraid your DH sounds like one too. I'd definitely choose a dishwasher over a bloke like this.
Imagine if the genders were reversed in your thread:
"She's a great 'fun mum', plays with the kids... but I do most of the life admin/ school runs/ cooking /housework despite working longer hours and earning 30 per cent more... she rolls her eyes if I dare to complain'

Massive twat. He’s your husband - regardless of finances or anything else, why doesn’t he WANT to make your life happier, easier and better?

I read that as embalming - that’s exactly what he could with.

Christ almighty you set yourself a rather different standard than you expect from him don't you. Statement not question.

Any thoughts on the near-unanimous answer to your question that yes, your husband is an absolute twat?

If I’ve had a long day my DH will cook and load the dishwasher cos he’s a normal decent human being. Not wanting to get a dishwasher is just to keep your life hard. He has a fine easy job and no responsibility and wants to keep you in your place.
I have also known other people not see in themselves the thing they do for work. Psychiatrists realise they are autistic as an adult, police officers still suffer domestic violence etc
Just because you do your job doesn’t mean someone can slowly erode away at you to think something is normal.