DH: CF or massive Tw*t?

[AppelationStation]

I'll try to keep it brief.

Worked a 14 hour day yesterday (Monday) with travel to London for meetings. Worked from home today, finishing after 6.30pm because my Chair needed a meeting. Whilst working from home I did both school runs, took the sick dog to the vets, nipped to the shop and made the contents of a pie for tea in my lunch break. Had some flex in my hours because of yesterday but still a full on day. I sat down for 20 mins at 2ish and fell asleep for 10 of them.

Because my trustee meetings went on into the evening, I asked DH, when he got home, to assemble pie, make some mash and boil broccoli. He did so.

Because I didn't cook all of the dinner, he insisted it was my turn to wash the pots. He refuses to have a dishwasher. Usually I cook, he washes. Today he had to do some cooking, so for him it follows I do the dishes. Finished them about 11.

For context, DH does a stress free job he loves that earns just above minimum wage. I am an underpaid CEO in a small non profit that works at the sharp end with people who are homeless and/or domestic abuse survivors. I earn 30% more than he does, have way more responsibility, and still do most of the life admin/ school runs/ cooking /housework. He's a great 'fun dad', around the house, does what he's asked to, rolls his eyes if I dare to complain and considers himself a feminist.

Is he just a bog standard CF husband? Or in serious Massive Twat territory? I genuinely think my current workload will kill me early. He doesn't seem to care.

That wasn't as brief as I intended.

Getting a dishwasher won't solve the massive imbalance elsewhere in this relationship though, will it?

Op, you need to state clearly and unequivocally that things must change, or you will burn out. If he loves you, he will step up. Have you told him how you feel already? I don't mean the odd throw away comment/ complaint/ nag - I mean really sit down, look him in the eyes and say you can't continue as you are, and nor should you be expected to.

Depending on his reaction, that should tell you if he's a twat you've no hope of changing, or a cf who, having been put right, will worry about how he has taken the piss and will address this imbalance seriously.

Sorry me again - !

I agree with above too!

Maybe direct action with direct talk.

My teen always tells me to tell her Dad. So he knows. I find that some men:

• genuinely don’t pick up on stuff
• adaptively don’t pick up on stuff
• play totally thick
• have adaptive consciences.

Meanwhile a lot of women run around, because someone has to do it.

I am hoping you haven't replied as you are spending the time researching dishwashers and local cleaning companies.

Show your DH this thread - the resounding consensus is that he is a) not a feminist and b) a total twat.

What they said!!!

BUY. A. DISHWASHER.

I’m sure a million people have already said this. Just reading about your day has me raging, how are you still with this selfish, lazy control freak??

He doesn’t get to tell you what you can and cannot buy, who does he think he is? Seriously, once the dishwasher is purchased that’s one less task for him so make sure he picks up some more chores to make up for it. Or even better, LTB. Then see how he copes with all the work he has to do!!

You would be so much happier with a useful appliance than a useless, misogynistic prick.

I cook you clean doesn't work when you have so much more work to do. So replace it with, you both get to sit down and relax when all the house jobs that need doing are done. You both deserve equal.amoints of leisure time.

I never say this lightly but I found your thread from the summer and I'd ltb. He really doesn't respect you. Ds will be fine. He'll still see ddad. You're so unhappy and life is too short.

When she would still have had to do them!!!

But before she was able to start cooking.

Massive tw*t territory.

Is he just a bog standard CF husband? Or in serious Massive Twat territory? I genuinely think my current workload will kill me early.

No such thing as a “bogstandard CF husband” they’re all Massive Twats.

Particularly yours.

Because my trustee meetings went on into the evening, I asked DH, when he got home, to assemble pie, make some mash and boil broccoli. He did so.

As someone who's been a single parent since my DD was ten, I'd be loathe to call your DH a CF or a massive twat. I'd just be grateful for everything he DOES provide.

And would buy a dishwasher. I hope your dog is ok.

Why? When he clearly adds to the load

God, some people's standards really are in the toilet.

Why should OP spend her money on cleaners and dishwashers to compensate for the fact her DH is a lazy arse? He works a low stress job there’s no reason he can’t step up and take on 50% of the admin/ school runs/ cooking /housework.

Get a dishwasher but get him to pull his weight too.

he's a massive twat, of course he's a fun dad, he's got time to be because he's not doing his share of the every day mundane chores that have to be done, get him to share the cooking more & if the kids are old enough they can do the washing up !

Jesus that’s one low bar.

And on your 14-hr London workdays, I guess you do no school runs and no food preparation?

What I don't understand is that if he lived alone he'd have to do stuff. So you are his maid?

Since when can he tell you not to get a dishwasher? If he has issues with a dishwasher he needs to be doing all the dishes all the time.

The bit that stands out for me was he knew you were exhausted and he couldn't be arsed to do a little more.

Cleaner and a dishwasher. He's a massive twat if he makes a fuss about that.

I'd put money on him being emasculated by her being more successful/the higher earner and that's why he's insisting she does all the housework and refuses to get a dishwasher, like it was the 1950s. Which does put him in massive twat territority, sadly.

Dishwasher

This 100% unfortunately.

Bloody hell you asked him to make a pie. I don't think I could do that at the last minute. So what the dishes didn't get done. Sounds like you both had a full on day tbf

As someone who has also done a fair share of single parenting, I can confirm that he is both a CF and a massive twat and wouldn't give him house room.

💯 this. A new breed of cocklodging wanker that seems fairly popular.

Call themselves feminists and 50/50 guys but only when it benefits them.