18-Year-Old DD Clubbing alone

[WagonWheel1234]

DD turns 18 in a couple of weeks and wants to go to an all-female gay club night (it's a once-a-year-thing apparently) in Covent Garden on NYE, then walk back to Waterloo and get the train home in the small hours - no friends want to come so she'd be totally alone.

I'd be OK with her going with a friend but I think alone is a bad idea when she's never been clubbing before and isn't that used to drinking. No gay clubs in our town, so she feels like it's her only opportunity to go and experience this. She'll be at uni next year and I'm sure there will be things like that at uni, but she says all gay clubs are full of men and straight women and this is unique.

AIBU to say no?

Well she’s an adult, so I’m not sure she really needs to ask permission but I totally understand your worry. I’d probably want to go in disguise to make sure she was alright!

Oh bless her. Would it be an option to get a central-ish hotel or Air BnB with a few family members and make a weekend of it, and you have dinner with a friend close to covent garden and she toddles off to her club? Then just has to get a cab back to the hotel? I know none of this is cheap but there are some quite nice Premier Inns!

She's 18, can you really say no? I would probably tag along as I love clubbing 😂or just pick her up after.

Could she possibly post on a forum to find some girls who might be going that she could travel with?
I go out alone, but never drink much due to safety and at 43 I have been clubbing for years. I would definitely be uneasy about the public transport thing. I generally stay in a travelodge if out alone and get an uber and share the link with my husband. I'd be very anxious about an 18 year old going out totally solo. Could you go into town too and stay in the hotel?

I can see why you’re worried but given that she’ll be 18 I don’t think you can reasonably tell her where she can or can’t go.

Do you live in London?

New years eve will be so busy and lots of unsavoury characters around.

Busy is safer. If she sticks to public well lit areas and uses her common sense she should be absolutely fine.

Clubbing alone sounds a bit miserable to me. Can she really not persuade a friend to go with her?

I understand your concern and I think it's fine to express it, but I don't think you can dictate what she finally decides to do... she will be an adult by that time, and she can make her own decisions!

I'm not from that there London parts but our trains stop at 8pm on NYE so that's the first thing I'd be checking. She needs a rock solid transport plan. But that aside, I don't think there's anything you can do to stop her.

I’d feel pretty safe on NYE in central London. Lots of people, almost all are friendly, and plenty of police for the odd drunk tosser.

Besides, she’s 18. It’s Not Your Call.

Totally with @NumberTheory on this one.

I don't get these "she's an adult" responses. She's still living under OP's roof and is financially dependent upon her.

Are there trains running in the early hours on NYE?

She's still an adult and unless OP wants her to move out by being overbearing and therefore knowing nothing of her decisions, I suggest she treats her like an adult and make her own decisions.

So you think it would be perfectly acceptable for a husband to tell his SAHM wife she can’t do something? If not, why not?

Adults shouldn’t control other adults.

And lots of savoury characters! Are you always glass half full?

*I meant glass half empty

DS is 17 and has been to London with a friend but he’s been countless times with us, so he’s used to the tube/train travel.

Could you not book your DD into a PI in Covent Garden? She’ll be 18 so would be able to stay by herself.

Problem is the trains running on NY day.

So because she is living at home, she isn't entitled to make autonomous decisions?

Some of us respect the fact that our kids have turned into adults, and we don't seek to use the fact that they're still financially dependent to control decisions that have nothing to do with that.

I agree with everyone else who says you can't refuse her permission but can absolutely understand why you wouldn't feel happy with it. There are just so many potential issues (particularly for someone who hasn't had much experience with clubbing/nightlife). I suppose the only thing you can do is encourage her to wait until next year - it might not be much fun going alone, does she really want her first experience of clubbing to be potentially just standing around alone in-between groups having fun? Whereas chances are she could meet some friends who would want to go next year, and if not at least she'd be a bit more confident.

Other than that all you can do is make sure she has a plan in case anything goes wrong e.g. what will she do if the train home is cancelled? (try to not get the last one!) what if her purse/phone gets stolen? (make sure she knows a contact number for you off by heart and has an emergency £20 in her bra). etc.

I can't be bothered to reply in any detail to you.

My question WAS asked to the OP

I live in London. I wouldn’t let her on her own, my DD same age takes my advice on board.could as someone suggest see if she can look if there’s any groups she can join for young people to meet up in central & see if she can find someone to go with her

Which gives OP the right to require reasonable behaviour that impacts the home or finances. But not to control her DD’s decisions over whether being out on her own is too dodgy for her or not.

Who's to say if they are women or identify as a woman. There's no reason to assume it safe. That said she is 18 you can only share your concerns. I doubt she will wan you to go with her. Do you think she's meeting up with someone there?