18-Year-Old DD Clubbing alone

[WagonWheel1234]

DD turns 18 in a couple of weeks and wants to go to an all-female gay club night (it's a once-a-year-thing apparently) in Covent Garden on NYE, then walk back to Waterloo and get the train home in the small hours - no friends want to come so she'd be totally alone.

I'd be OK with her going with a friend but I think alone is a bad idea when she's never been clubbing before and isn't that used to drinking. No gay clubs in our town, so she feels like it's her only opportunity to go and experience this. She'll be at uni next year and I'm sure there will be things like that at uni, but she says all gay clubs are full of men and straight women and this is unique.

AIBU to say no?

She's highly unlikely to be spiked at a lesbian event.

@Mirrormeback I think it's a silly idea that the OPs daughter goes to this club night for a variety of reasons, but what does that tragic news story prove?! That people can be murdered on NYE?! It didn't even happen in London! And it doesn't say anywhere that the poor lad who died went out alone/wasn't with friends, nor did he appear to be at a club. You could find a shocking news story for almost every possible situation, I'm not sure what point you're trying to make. By this logic we should none of us go anywhere on NYE, as people can be and are killed on 31st December, as they are every night of the year.

You what? You think this is a normal, reasonable thing to do? Wow.

It being a lesbian event doesn’t preclude the possibility of there being predatory older females there either. Lesbians aren’t all saints any more than all straight women are saints.

Can you post stats for young lesbian women who have been drugged in clubs or bars by older lesbians?

It's Mumsnet. Where grown adult women are afraid to go out after dark.

So one person died on NYE? And?

🙄 women are FAR less likely (like orders of magnitude less likely) to be rapists than men are. The chance of encountering a predatory female rapist is probably lower than being struck by lightning but sure, let's pretend being raped by a woman in a lesbian club is a thing we need to be scared of.

... And modest, clearly. A job and no MH problems hardly points to some kind of resilient superhero, but OK.

I came from another country to the UK at 18. In my country we take public transport ourselves daily as children, starting from primary school age or before that. Parents often work till 10 or 11pm so the day is yours to manage. We go clubbing as young teens long before 18. It's common for young teens to go on holiday overseas with friends (I think this is common in the UK too though), including lots of 3rd world countries where we all know how to stay safe.

The difference? My country is very safe. When we go to 3rd world countries, we prepare for it accordingly. The UK is deceptively 1st world, which can take young girls off guard... I wouldn't expect in a 1st world country the low level of dignity a young girl or woman has in London at night. I've been followed and harassed alone countless times, and scared out of my mind by the awful things EXPLICITLY said to me about what they would do to my body.

Luckily I've never been sexually assaulted physically or raped, but came close lots of times. Somehow I get the feeling being raped at 18 doesn't make you stronger and more resilient (overcoming it and moving on from it does, sure, but their odds in life would've been far greater without that trauma to contend with). That's what basically every single psychologist on the face of this earth says anyway, but feel free to disagree......

I'm in my 20s and no way would I have been able to afford to move out on my own and travel the world! You must have had a privileged upbringing and/or older than my parents (when things were cheaper) to afford all of this. This isn't a dig but I'm jealous you had the money to do all of this (I still don't have enough money to travel the world and also have a child now so can't!)

Why have you decided I was talking about rape? I wasn’t. Same sex relationships are subject to the same issues as heterosexual ones. Large age gaps are much more common in same sex relationships. OP’s 18 year old daughter out alone might be vulnerable to someone much older than her taking advantage that’s all.

Because the risk of going clubbing is around rape/sexual assault, not getting into an abusive relationship. That can happen at any point in her day, week or year. The post is specifically about whether it's safe for her to go clubbing. Bringing up the risk of her getting into an abusive relationship with an older woman is random and irrelevant, so I assumed you were talking about being spiked/raped, as that's the usual worry people have about their daughters (and one that's been raised earlier in the thread by others)

In fact, if you look at the quote thread, the post I was responding to literally referred to rohypnol, which is why when you responded to my response I assumed you were also talking about date rape...

The level of paranoia on here is quite astonishing. Too many posters leading some very sheltered lives only leaving the house to go to Tesco apparently .

OP: Just get a premier inn room in London , enjoy a 3 day Christmas fun mother & daughter holiday before she gets to leave for uni. You only live once,

God, shitty Tescos were where I got the most unwanted attention when I first moved to London - and I lived in a decent postcode in Central London. Security guards would laugh at me when I told them a creep was following me telling me where he would love to put his dick! Going off topic, but I think the issue is "a little" daily sexual harassment is so normalised for British women and girls. It's part of your growing up rites here I guess 😂

You make sexual harassment sound cute, it's not (personally I find it threatening and creepy), unfortunately she'll be faced with it when surrounded by drunk lads travelling home. Regarding security guards at supermarkets: they value a stolen can of coke more than a woman being sexually harassed, fact is they don't really get paid to save you, that's your job.

@KimberleyClark can you post some evidence of all these claims you are making about predatory older lesbians?

The old MN faithful "just" is doing some heavy lifting here.

3 nights in a London Premier Inn over NYE will be £600 without factoring in any other spending.

So probably "just" a grand or so...

I went to uni in a very cheap town, had a full student loan and worked two jobs to make up pretty much full time hours as my uni hours were so low, call centre and 12-hr nightclub bar shifts. My rent was less than £300 a month in a grimy house share, and my pay/loan probably about £1,500 or more a month, loan covered course fees too. I was doing great. On uni holidays I travelled around Europe and even as far as the Caribbean, alone or with friends. I worked from 15 and paid for my own stuff. I am not very old, and not very spoilt either.

I don't doubt COL has increased substantially, but at 18 I was sorting everything out myself. When I moved back to London my rent (in a horrid house in a horrid area) was £430 a month, and pay about £1,800. It was easier then sure, I feel for young people today, it's all so expensive. I guess I'm just saying, 18 year olds are adults and should be treated as such. I didn't speak to my parents for weeks at a time as I was so busy and having so much fun.

I've just looked on Rightmove and cannot believe it but there are many rooms in house shares in the area i lived that still cost £300 pcm... wages probably not gone up much, but yeh, a nice life is easy if you don't mind living with others who are prob not that clean!

Having a job and no MH issues are very much indicators of a resilient adult, not boasting, just making a very straightforward observation, nor a judgement on unemployed people or those with MH issues.

Not sure what your point is, that the UK isn't safe? Not sure the evidence would support that. Sounds like you've had some rotten experiences, must be awful for you, but this isn't reason to keep a grown adult from exploring the best (biased!) capital city in the world.

My uni hours weren't low so I didn't have much time to work. I also didn't have much of my loan left over after paying rent. I barely had enough money for books and food, let alone a holiday to the Caribbean! I'd say you were privileged and it must've been amazing! My parents are 50 and work/worked full time (although they had me young) and wouldn't have been able to afford holidays like that either (they owned a small house though).

I still don't think a very recently turned 18 year old with zero experience of clubbing should go to a NYE club night in London. She could be spiked, SA, mugged etc. Safety in numbers.

Of course I don't find it cute but I guess it's normalised in the UK. Your comment says it all about the attitude in the UK – about security guards "saving me" when in my home country and many other countries, it would just be viewed as a decent human (especially at their workplace but even if it wasn't)!

Nah, don't try to imply it's just me. Yes, I've genuinely NEVER been harrassed to that extent at night in my home country or most first world East Asian cities. But in general, it seems pretty universal. Being a woman here is like open season at night. Forget quiet alleys, even in crowded places & on Tube platforms your body (or how it's leered at/spoken of) isn't yours...

If I were a full time lech, I'd actually move to London because the police & generally everyone would leave me and my pals to do my lech thing every night, all night, wherever & whenever. I don't even think stalking/harrassing/molesting is a crime here – it seems to be that you have to actually escalate to rape?

Not that that stopped me from getting my fair share of clubbing in London. But exploring is a bit different from an 18 year old first time clubber stumbling around drunk alone on a train from London to the Home Counties in the early hours, but OK, sure.

Sorry comment got cut off – a decent human stopping a crime

I agree, I’m a European living in London for 7 years and the level of sexual harassment by strangers has been very scary, I’ve never experienced anything like this in any other country (and I’ve lived in many). Seems like it’s open season when it comes to sexual harassment or wolf whistling here, like men think it’s OK. Mind boggles.