18-Year-Old DD Clubbing alone

[WagonWheel1234]

DD turns 18 in a couple of weeks and wants to go to an all-female gay club night (it's a once-a-year-thing apparently) in Covent Garden on NYE, then walk back to Waterloo and get the train home in the small hours - no friends want to come so she'd be totally alone.

I'd be OK with her going with a friend but I think alone is a bad idea when she's never been clubbing before and isn't that used to drinking. No gay clubs in our town, so she feels like it's her only opportunity to go and experience this. She'll be at uni next year and I'm sure there will be things like that at uni, but she says all gay clubs are full of men and straight women and this is unique.

AIBU to say no?

Can't believe people are legitimately suggesting OP pays c£280 (current cost of a central London premier inn!) to enable her daughter to have a night out!

There are cheaper alternatives! It was just a suggestion.

The hub Marleybone is £146!

NYE in London will be expensive regardless!

I would firstly hep her explore if there is any public transport, then I would say why you feel uneasy. If she has to get a taxi then the hotel option may not be so out of price range. You can't stop her but I totally understand your worry and helping her see possible risk shows you give a shit... I would advise a friend in the same way let alone my newly 18 yr old daughter who's never been to a club before

@easylikeasundaymorn it is her DD 18th!

How much to parents often pay for a party?

Don't tfl normally run the tubes and buses late on NYE? She perhaps wouldn't have to walk. It will probably be busy though, and should be well lit if she does have to walk to the station. If she's not too hammered, she will probably be fine. And if she's not having fun on her own, she doesn't have to stay out the whole night, after all!

I'd check the trains home though, trains on new years day can be a bit hit and miss, depending on where you're going.

Trains will be running from Waterloo. However she will have to walk, and depending on how soon after the fireworks she may find she gets diverted to shuffle across Blackfriars bridge to limit the number of people getting to Waterloo at the same time. Took us two hours to get from Westminster to Waterloo a couple of years ago...

God even at 20+ taking the Tube alone drunk in the wee hours I was harassed/scared by all kinds of unsavoury characters. I can't even imagine on an actual train (not Tube) and train platforms

I missed that it was on NYE! Out and about and the Tube in London will be very crowded (though still be careful, things can happen anytime) but I still wouldn't chance a rail train which might be deserted towards end of the line etc

@itsmylife7

I know she's 18 but I'd be encouraging not to go alone. Do you live far away? Could you drive and collect her when she's finished or go out with a friend and meet up after? I wouldn't want her coming home on her own

Unless she has no money of her own, I'm not sure you can stop her. But you could talk through and check out her plans with her. Find out what times the trains are for starters. Waterloo is likely to be busy if lots of trains are running. How will she get from the station back to yours? How will she make sure her drinks aren't spiked? What wouid she do in x circumstance? Etc. On the face of it NYE is a very busy time which puts her among a lot of strangers but also means plenty of well - meaning people around, including families with children. So people to approach if she needs any help. Also police are likely to be out in force. Also most people inside the club would be women I assume (maybe some trans) which makes for a more friendly, less threatening crowd, surely?

Can she not link on social media with other people likely to be at the venue whom she could chat with in advance? There's special interest groups, forums etc for everything nowadays.

One of my girls often went to gigs and events in London on her own in her late teens or met up with people she knew only from online. Admittedly she's not ever been into clubbing as such, so has usually been back home not too long after midnight (we live in London). Nothing bad ever happened to her. And we made sure she had a fully charged phone and a power pack so she could contact us anytime.

At 18 she doesn’t need your permission, but I have to say it’s a bit worrying that she doesn’t see all of the risks with this.

I’m mid 20’s so not new to drinking or clubbing but there’s no way I would go out by myself at all, ever. Having been spiked myself in the past & having friends be spiked despite us all being VERY careful and looking out for each other, for that reason alone I genuinely wouldn’t risk it.

I bet she has an amazing time.

How near are you and how likely is she to check in to put your mind at rest?

Posted too soon sorry, was going to add that if it is really important to her and she absolutely won’t consider not going, I would suggest maybe both of you going to the area and staying in a hotel. That way you’re there if she needs you and you can be on stand by to take care of her should things go horribly wrong.

As a lesbian who lived in London most of my life it's a definite no from me. In a couple of years when she's a bit more savvy and has friends to go with fine but not now and not on her own.

She'd be mortified if I turned up when she's out on the pull!!! But, maybe us going and staying up is a good idea...

If she did go she'd be the youngest one there by quite a margin too.

That's a really good point! She doesn't want an 18th party, so maybe this could be instead.

Is there not a way you can put a plan in place to pick her up, I get it’s NYE but I think I’d sacrifice the night for her to have this experience knowing you would be able to make sure she gets home safely afterwards. The fact she feels confident enough to do it alone says she’s a confident person. But I’d want to go through a lot of safety talks with her first.

i was going out clubbing a lot younger and walking home via dangerous areas at all hours every week, i never want my daughters doing that. I don’t care how late it is I will make sure I’ve either arranged to pick them up or be on call for them, if and when they start clubbing.

Totally understand her not wanting you at the club with her, but I would say definitely either you go and stay nearby or as a bday present is there any friends she has that would maybe go if it was a paid for trip? As I said having been spiked before, twice, I honestly could not have got myself home that night, or into a taxi/train. I dread to think what would have happened had I been by myself.

I go to loads of women only events and often go alone and make friends. It’s extremely different being around only women, but she will be very young, even so.

when I was 18 my mum has no idea where I was

You could book a PI for the three of you (if you have a DP/DH) if this is what your DD really wants to do.

London will be busy but it’s doable.

Of course you can't "say no", she's 18! By all means talk to her about risks, offer to fund safer travel/accommodation options if you want to, but your permission isn't needed.