18-Year-Old DD Clubbing alone

[WagonWheel1234]

DD turns 18 in a couple of weeks and wants to go to an all-female gay club night (it's a once-a-year-thing apparently) in Covent Garden on NYE, then walk back to Waterloo and get the train home in the small hours - no friends want to come so she'd be totally alone.

I'd be OK with her going with a friend but I think alone is a bad idea when she's never been clubbing before and isn't that used to drinking. No gay clubs in our town, so she feels like it's her only opportunity to go and experience this. She'll be at uni next year and I'm sure there will be things like that at uni, but she says all gay clubs are full of men and straight women and this is unique.

AIBU to say no?

YANBU to say no. I would NOT like this and I would NOT allow it. IDGAF if she is 18 next week. She is still very young, and she is still living at home. If she is not 18 til next week, then she is still at school. She is also not an adult - not yet. As pps have said, she is financially dependent on you, and she is still living under your roof. A child does not just automatically become an adult on their 18th birthday. Maybe legally, but not mentally or emotionally or financially! They can't look after themselves financially!

When she was 16, my DD wanted to go to a concert with an 18 year old friend, 100 miles away, on the train, with a change half way, and a half hour wait for the connecting train. This 'friend' was well known for going off with blokes and disappearing with them, and leaving her friends to get home on their own. (No matter what they were doing or where they were.) She had done it to my DD twice. We had to go and get her at 11pm from somewhere twice - as this girl had ditched her.

We let it go the first time, but after the second time, I said she is not going out with her again, and she certainly was not going to this fucking rock concert 100 miles away, in the hope her friend wouldn't ditch her and fuck off with some bloke she met. YES she was 16, but if she been only just turned 18, I would not have allowed it, if she was still living at home - and still at school! No way!

Say a firm NO @WagonWheel1234 your daughter cannot go. It's irresponsible for you to let her IMO. Especially on her own! It is NOT controlling, it is good parenting. Letting her go (alone) is not.

If she's an adult, and insists she can do what she wants, she can pack her bags and take all her stuff out of her parents house, and go live on her own and support herself financially then.

FFS I can't believe some of the posts on here! No she CAN'T do what the F she wants! Not whilst she lives under her parents roof! I despair for humanity reading some posts on here.

Clubbing alone is an odd choice. It would be different if she had a friend to go with.

can you and your dh go into London too, go for dinner, see the fireworks etc and meet her for a train home at 1 or 2am ish? You aren’t going to sleep until she’s home so you might as well have a good night up in town too.

Given her inexperience clubbing and with alcohol and this environment I don't think she should be going alone.

Also can't believe most of these responses. She's a 17yo who has never been clubbing or drank much, why would anyone just merrily let her put herself in a vulnerable situation? She presumably has a rose-tinted view of the night too, going to a club on your own would be awful. It's a while since I've been clubbing, but you could always spot the people (usually guys) who were there alone. I also wondered if she's ND. She might be almost 18, but as her mum OP is older and wiser and has more life experience. She doesn't just have to sit back and watch her daughter put herself in danger (worst case scenario) or have a shitty awkward lonely first clubbing experience (best case scenario IMO).

Also given that, as far as I know, there's only been one lesbian on this thread and they've said to avoid - I think that's the answer.

Go with her. That’s what I’d do (not that I would have liked to).

Why does she want to go alone? That seems so odd to me at any age. Could she be meeting someone there?

This is sadly a really good point and one I hadn’t given thought to.

OP, this is the post you need to show your DD.

If she absolutely cannot find anyone local to go with, I would go with her. Hang out in a different venue somewhere nearby until shes ready to go home with you. Not ideal but better than letting her go entirely alone.

I was clubbing in London on my own at 17, true fan of the music, never had an issue purely because its always so busy......personally I think YABU.....she's 18!!!

I think you need to calm down and develop some perspective.

If you want to despair of humanity, direct your attention to Gaza or Ukraine or many of our serious issues in the UK.

We are talking her about an 18 year old going to a club. She is an adult, whether you like it or not.

The OP could of course kick her out if she wished, but given her daughter will be moving out next year, the sensible thing is to talk to her calmly about this, and if she decides to do it, how to stay safe. This approach will give her useful skills for when she is living independently. Clipping her wings and treating her like a child will not.

Your reaction to this is disproportionate and hysterical. No sensible parent behaves like this.

Hi OP, having lived in London my entire life, this is really not a safe plan for young women, even if your daughter were to go with a friend. Covent Garden gets VERY rowdy post 11pm, and the walk to Waterloo will be packed with revellers. Hundreds and hundreds, if not thousands, jostling along the pavements and roads. I used to walk home from club nights / get the bus or tube home, and it is was dangerous then (last time I walked rather than cabbed was 15 years ago!), but it is far worse now. To everyone posting saying they’d let their daughter go, they cannot know the areas being talked about, that walk to Waterloo station, honestly it is just not safe. At all.

And on top of this, who knows what the actual club will be like? Will it be truly a safe space for women? I just don’t believe this truly exists currently in London.

Yes she is 18, but that’s still very young. I would sit her down and explain that you will organise something super special for her 18th, and sensibly explain that this is not wise or safe and has a high risk of ending badly.

I've lived in London 20+ years, since I was 18, and it's not the age I'd be concerned about, it's her maturity if she has never been clubbing before. I'd been out in pubs and clubs since 14 in my hometown, looking after myself, but even at 18 London clubs were something else entirely. Not enough bouncers, if you go out for air you often can't get back in for your stuff/phone, very crowded, very easy to get pickpocketed or end up in fights with people who can't hold their ale / are high on class As. Lots of straight people go to London gay venues for big events like NYE which completely changes the risk in my opinion - especially if they're in groups who are "there for the music" and don't like being flirted with by an actual gay/lesbian. It might be worth finding a decent LGB club night for her to go to at a quieter time, NYE in London is often crowded, expensive and disappointing!

I wonder if she could check if there is a Facebook group or a Meetup group that would have other single people attending said night. Safety in numbers and also much more comfortable, but it will be pretty liberating for her whatever she decides

I would pay her a cheap airbnb or travel lodge in the area, I wouldn't want her going to Waterloo and getting a train drunk in the wee hours, specially by herself on NYE day full of drunk lads travelling home. Give her a gift of a couple of days in a local airbnb, tell her to check in with you twice a day, let her enjoy being single and free for two days in London, maybe do some sight seeing, visit the high street or some shopping. She'll be fine. Alternatively you could go together and stay at the airbnb while she goes to the club.

Have to agree with Beatrix - Waterloo is regularly suddenly closed to passengers because of overcrowding on big events or if there is a terror alert, problems on the line, etc. When this happens the staff often disappear because of angry mob and SWT are no help at all to get people home - no replacement buses provided, or hotels, or even advice about night buses. You're completely on your own to sort yourself out. If she does go, make sure she carries a power pack for her phone and that she has access to an account with a reputable taxi company like Addison Lee or similar, and a pre-booked ride home. Ubers and Black Cabs are rare as hens teeth whenever there are train issues so very unreliable.

Keeper? She’s not a pet.
It is the responsibility of family to look out for each other’s safety. An older brother would be better for that than a middle aged frumpy woman. Probably less embarrassing for a teenage girl too.

@FreshWinterMorning hopefully your children will do exactly that! Jesus taking about controlling!

What about if an 18 year old is at uni? Do you want a day by day account of what they're doing?

@BabaBarrio so the older brother gives up his NYE, to babysit his sister?

If you had children, look after them yourself, don't make other children responsible for them.

Besides, at 18 she doesn't need her brother sitting for hours in a cafe waiting for her? Supposing she meets someone and wants to go home with them? What does big brother do then?

She'll be fine OP. & if its the club I'm thinking of, its friendly enough. NYE will be super busy in that area and there's never any trouble. No, there won't be 'unsavoury characters' as a pp said, waiting to wreak havoc. Just people celebrating NYE in the city. Especially as the main fireworks display is pretty local to there. People attend that display with their DCs - in unsavoury London, shock horror!

Tube is free travel from before midnight on NYE, and runs thru to 4am next morning. Buses will be running all night too. I think your DD is brave to do this, good for her having the confidence. & she wont be the only one clubbing solo. As long as you give her the obligatory lecture about not going off with ANYONE no matter how nice they may seem, then your job is done. Why dont you book a hotel or AirBnB for her if you're worried? Or for you both. Whilst she's clubbing you can take in the fireworks display, have a wander along the Thames, have a coffee or a meal in one of the many eateries, then meet her later and you can stroll back to hotel together

All the other posters who think it's fine to let a young girl out to a gay club on NYE in London are frankly insane.

A sheltered 18 yr old girl who isn’t even a Londoner. It’s not like this is a street smart 18yr old that grew up in London.

An older brother of an 18yr old would not be a child.

I really question the motives of posters who are arguing that the OP’s 18yr old daughter should do the most risky and reckless things. From going alone clubbing in London on NYE to encouraging her to just go home with a random she might meet clubbing.

To everyone posting saying they’d let their daughter go, they cannot know the areas being talked about, that walk to Waterloo station, honestly it is just not safe. At all.

^This. It’s not safe.

"All-female" doesn't stop men attending. It's a common complaint among lesbians that the lesbian bars are full of biological males who identify as lesbians

@BabaBarrio I really question the parenting of someone who expects their son to give up his NYE and wait for hours for his sister.

Unbelievable!!