18-Year-Old DD Clubbing alone

[WagonWheel1234]

DD turns 18 in a couple of weeks and wants to go to an all-female gay club night (it's a once-a-year-thing apparently) in Covent Garden on NYE, then walk back to Waterloo and get the train home in the small hours - no friends want to come so she'd be totally alone.

I'd be OK with her going with a friend but I think alone is a bad idea when she's never been clubbing before and isn't that used to drinking. No gay clubs in our town, so she feels like it's her only opportunity to go and experience this. She'll be at uni next year and I'm sure there will be things like that at uni, but she says all gay clubs are full of men and straight women and this is unique.

AIBU to say no?

It’s just the trains back on NYD you’d have to be aware of, are they running?

Thank you for this - really great to get your opinion as a gay woman. She is convinced that if she doesn't do this one, there won't be another opportunity - I've said I think that most unis/cities would have opportunities to socialise with other gay women, but she isn't convinced!

We live in a conservative town in the home counties, so no fun for gay women here, sadly!

I wouldn't be happy with my 45 yr old friend doing this. Nothing to do with age! Anyone who thinks this is ok needs to give their head a wobble. Yes, you should be able to be safe anywhere but guess what, you're not.

It would be incredibly irresponsible to just shrug and let her go but tbh my kids would honestly never suggest doing something alone like this because they know how dangerous the world is these days.

It’s such a pity your DD can’t convince a friend to go with her.

Can I just ask, why, in Covent Garden, at this type of event, is it a huge no?

I’ve always found CG quite lovely tbh.

I’d go with her. She’s a lone woman. That’s not safe for NYE. If she has an older brother, have him go with her.

I live in London and my eldest is lgbtq - goes clubbing on NYE but with another friend for past couple of years. Even at 21 I wouldn’t be happy w her going clubbing on her own in central London. It just seems a bit lonely, really!
She went to a festival in the summer on her own cos no-one would go with and she said she prob wouldn’t do it again, although she enjoyed the music (which is why she went).

Is your DD neuro-diverse? I just ask because wanting to go clubbing alone as an 18yo is a very unusual thing to do. It's also not safe and she will be very vulnerable.

I would probably bribe her with cash or whatever and say I will give you XYZ towards your night out, but only if you take a friend.

You think she should take her older brother to a lesbian night???

To the entrance, then wait in a cafe and then accompany her home. The dangers are more travelling alone on streets and trains full of roving bands of drunken men.

So her brother has to be her keeper? Pn NYE? Why is it his responsibility?

Unfortunately, things have changed hugely in the past 10 years and there are little to no women only spaces left. Apparently, lesbians are now organising their own underground events. I'm out of the loop nowadays but I can pretty much guarantee any mainstream event that's being advertised as lesbian/women only will have a large about of biological men in attendance.

All the other posters who think it's fine to let a young girl out to a gay club on NYE in London are frankly insane.

I’d let her go - she’s 18 and it will probably be a fun experience for her. Just make sure she has a concrete transport plan & that her phone is fully charged. It would be even better if she could try and find someone to go with/get in contact with girls online who are going.

So you think it would be perfectly acceptable for a husband to tell his SAHM wife she can’t do something? If not, why not

Because the relationship between a husband and wife is completely different to that of a parent and child.

an absolute bargain 😂

tbh it was more the contradiction between 'she's old enough to do whatever she wants so nothing to do with you OP' and 'can't mummy just pay out more than your average family's weekly food shop/monthly council tax for dd to have a night out' (sometimes in the same post)

If the dd herself was suggesting paying that much it would seem mad to me but each to their own, but the suggestion OP should pay it for her is hilarious. I thought I was lucky if my parents gave me a lift to the train station for a night out when I was 18. Them paying for my taxi home would have seemed weird, let alone a hotel for the night, let alone one costing hundreds of pounds....

If I was engaging in risky behaviour my DH would absolutely tell me not to something/ try and stop me.
'Control' 🙄

I went to uni aged 18, from a tiny town 3 hours from london.

I was going out on my own and walking home from soho to kings cross alone, getting night buses at 3am etc.

Get her a rape alarm.

But at 18 she’s not a child any more. Her parents don’t get a say in what she chooses to do, unless it directly impacts the household. So they would be reasonable to say if she’s out later than 10pm (for instance) she needs to find somewhere else to spend the night, as it’s their house. But they can’t tell her she can’t go out. Because adults don’t do that to other adults.

I have a 19 DD who is bisexual and also LOVES to go clubbing. I have a lot of sympathy with your DD's desire to have a fun, unique experience with her tribe and to spend time with just women. I was young once, that feeling of newfound independence is exhilarating.

HOWEVER...no young woman should go to any club alone. Never. My 19DD would agree w/ me on this now, although I've had a few tough conversations with her when she diminished risks in the past. She has, sadly, had some bad experiences with men on buses late at night. Also, lesbian and women loving women clubs often have male infiltrators. My own DD had a transwoman's penis pressed up against her backside while waiting in line at one club (it wasn't a lesbian club, just general dance club). Her girlfriend yelled at him, but my DD was scared because he just laughed at them and didn't leave.

I've learned that parenting a young adult DD (almost 20) is still a thing - I can't control her, but I can still advise strongly. The older they get, the more they listen to you!

What's a man going to do in a lesbian club? He would be completely out of place

She’s 18!

You can and should talk to her about safety, but she is entitled to make her own decisions.

There will be loads of people milling about so I wouldn’t be hugely worried. You could see if travelodge in convent garden or one of the zed hotels has a room.

And the OP would be perfectly OK to try and explain to her DD why it’s not a good idea.

It’s the concept of “letting her go” that doesn’t land well with me. Because that isn’t OP’s decision. Like it wouldn’t be your DH’s decision if you were insisting on doing something risky.

That has nothing to do with it.

She’s an adult. she can go clubbing if she wants.

She’s going to a club on NY eve. Central london is swarming with people. It’s not especially risky, and at 18 it’s up to her.

The OP can and should talk to her about safety, but she cannot decide if her daughter goes or not.

i’m not Gay but have a Gay friend. I’ve been to lots of clubs with her and she’s often run off and I’m left on my own! It can be hard work, I got approached so so so much. I was literally having to tell some women to let go of me. Kind of grabbing my arm, pulling me to talk to them. Coming up to me all the time! Not sure if I got more attention cos I’m not Gay! But it was a lot of hassle!

I don't see the issue. Maybe a Covent Garden b&b though, what time are the trains? (because the last train home to Surrey is midnight).