18-Year-Old DD Clubbing alone

[WagonWheel1234]

DD turns 18 in a couple of weeks and wants to go to an all-female gay club night (it's a once-a-year-thing apparently) in Covent Garden on NYE, then walk back to Waterloo and get the train home in the small hours - no friends want to come so she'd be totally alone.

I'd be OK with her going with a friend but I think alone is a bad idea when she's never been clubbing before and isn't that used to drinking. No gay clubs in our town, so she feels like it's her only opportunity to go and experience this. She'll be at uni next year and I'm sure there will be things like that at uni, but she says all gay clubs are full of men and straight women and this is unique.

AIBU to say no?

I mean you can't really say 'no' can you... she's 18 years old. She doesn't need your permission.
A better idea would be to have a chat with her and reach some kind of compromise where you feel more comfortable she is safe. You need to be willing to listen to her and be flexible tho. I don't think saying an outright no to an 18 year old is going to fly very well. It may just mean she lies to you or no longer tells you where she's going... which is even less safe for her

Good for her. I've gone to clubs alone and a festival alone. It's quite liberating

While I hope we’ve moved on from women requiring a male escort in the UK, do we know if there even is an older brother?

@BabaBarrio no one is encouraging going home with a random........ they'd be random to each other, it happens 🤷‍♀️

I don’t expect it. You decided my suggestion if there was an older brother he might do it was twisted into him being a “keeper”

Just a reminder to those suggesting seeing the fireworks - they've been ticketed for years now and require ballot entry, you can't get near most of the river from NYE afternoon without a ticket. The ballot has ironically stopped a lot of Londoners attending, its mainly tourists now.

Got it, ignore everything you said after “what if” because it never happened.

@BabaBarrio which is what it is? How have I twisted it?? You expect an older brother to wait for hours to make sure his sister gets home ok on NYE!

His sister is responsible for her own safety, not him.

Too weird!

@FreshWinterMorning yes she can go and pack her bags and move out... but I mean that's not good is it if she does that? I imagine op would be even more worried about her? So why would any parent want that outcome?

My parents Said similar to me as a teen and I actually did leave and never went back. At 16.
I will never be making ultimatums Like that to my kids. As they hit 18 you need to be flexible with them or you really do risk losing them or forever damaging your relationship with them as an adult

I don’t expect it. A suggestion is not an expectation.

Family should look out for each other. I don’t think you should brag about having a thrown to the wolves, survival of the fittest, swim or get stabbed attitude towards teenagers in London.

Do you even have teenagers?
Would you advise your own child that it’s perfectly fine when many posters who know what NYE is like in that exact area are telling you it is not safe and it’s insane to tell your daughter that she will be fine.

Don't blame you and well done for not following other footsteps!

More out of the loop than you realise apparently 🙄

As someone who currently attends these kinds of events yes we see more trans women as it's become more acceptable to the masses and yes they may be in various stages of transition (it's never occurred to me to ask!) but I have never once been or seen anyone harassed by a "a man in a dress" like some mumsnetters seem to imagine is prolific.

Anyone being a twat is shut down pretty damn quick regardless of what may or may not be in their pants.

OP the club wouldn't worry me too much bar the fact that it's likely to be rammed and not a great intro to clubbing/the scene in general but the travelling would make me pause. It's horrificully busy and pick pockets are in abundance. Plus the general fact that people are drunk and stumbling about it would be better if she had someone with her. Is there something smaller outside London she could consider? Places like Liverpool/Norwich/Birmingham have huge queer communities and there might be something she'd enjoy more

@BabaBarrio my children are adults, managed to stay alive through teenage years and I never made one responsible for the other!

How are you teaching a woman to be safe, if you make her feel shes only safe if a man is around to ensure her safety? Sure fire way for her to think a man is going to be her saviour and is to be honoured. She'll get into a relationship with a controlling man and think it's all good, because he's "looking after" her by telling her what she can and can't do.

Shocking

It's unusual for an 18 year old to want to go clubbing alone. OP, is there any chance she has arranged to meet someone and just doesn't want you to know?

Thanks for confirming that the 'all-female' night the OP's kid wants to go to will definitely have non-females attending.

The 'anyone being a twat is shut down pretty damn quick' is one of the stupidest things I've heard anyone say about clubbing in London. You really are quite clueless.

This whole idea sounds miserable. Clubbing for the first time, alone? Miles from home? On NYE?! "So you go and you stand on your own, and you leave on your own, and you go home and you cry and you want to die" (to quote Morrissey) springs to mind.

I'd suggest that you'd be much better off encouraging her to join some MeetUp groups for young, gay people or lesbians or whatever so that she can find some likeminded new friends to eventually do things like clubbing with. I can't imagine that she will actually get very much out of solo clubbing on NYE aside from a huge dent in her bank balance.

Ridiculous and patronising response.

It would be a no from me unless she has someone to go with who she knows has her back.

I think due to lack.of trains running she might need to book a Premier Inn FC or the night.

The fireworks tickets are not balloted. You just need to know when they go on sale and choose which area you want to be in. But now is probably too late to get them - can't be bothered to check.

However, how would parents being at the fireworks help their dd stuck inside a lesbian club where most people will apparently be biological males masquerading as women, intent on sexual assault, spiking her drink or both, and no one will talk to her or be friendly but will definitely grab her or treat her badly.

Even if she manages to exit this den of iniquity, how will she meet her parents in the vast crowds trying to get home after midnight? Oh no, wait. Just after midnight is far too early to leave a club so the parents will need to be the ones to push through the crowds, enter the club and rescue their mortified daughter to drag her to an expensive London hotel.

Or maybe she will fall under a bus at 4pm one dark December day, on her way to buy her clubbing gear.

Because if you only think of the possible risks, then no one is safe on any day anywhere.

While there are safety considerations to discuss with this girl, I think many responses on this thread are close to hysteria. London is not that scary or dangerous. Yes, bad things COULD happen but the likelihood is not as high as many seem to think. We all take risks every single day.

I despair for “parents” like you with this utterly archaic attitude.

@thistimenow interesting, where did I say there will be "non-females" there may or may not be those there who were AMAB. Not sure why it's a problem either as long as they are respectful of others boundaries.

And yes anyone being a twat is shut down quickly, the community as a whole is protective of others. We stick up for and look out for each other. Yes there is the odd bad egg, show me an community that doesn't have them. But I've yet to fine one (except maybe the BDSM community) where respecting boundaries is less tolerated

I grew up in london and was clubbing from about 16. But i dont think this sounds wise.

She could go and do this more safely and with less pressure (and find a friend to go too) any other weekend of the year

Central London will be horrible incredibly crowded and full of drunks on nye. There wont be taxis and she is really going out on the worst night if the year

Could you gently persuade her to go another weekend and look at a hotel room etc

Well, one of my DC went to Singapore/Bali/Australia for a gap year on her own at 18, so I wouldn't be worrying about a club in a big, buzzy city on NYE, personally.