To stop paying 50/50 after being fired

[Copenhagener]

I’ve been with my partner for 10 years. We’ve always split things 50/50 (bills, mortgage, food) and then kept the rest of our paychecks to spend as we like. We were both good earners in corporate jobs and took home approximately the same, until this year when he got a new job and a massive raise.

We don’t have children yet (going through IVF).

In October, I was fired from a new job for not being ‘the right cultural fit’. I’ve never been unemployed before.

We live in his country, and I’m not eligible for any benefits, or I will never be able to become a citizen. I have enough from my last pay check to last me until January.

The job market is really rough, and I’m not getting any offers right now despite applying and networking hard. Before, I was fighting off job offers :(

I’ve saved up about £10,000 through freelance work over the past couple of years in an emergency fund. Unfortunately; the freelance work is also drying up.

My partner wants me to use that emergency fund money so we both still pay 50/50, like if I still had a job, and he wouldn’t have to increase his share of the bills/mortgage. I’m happy to put some of my savings into bills/mortgage, but feel he should shoulder more of the burden for now, until I get a new job. He can cover it all using his paycheck alone, and still have some money leftover.

The savings are my emergency fund / IVF fund if our state-funded IVF fails.

He’s from a culture where men and women tend to split everything 50/50.

Who is in the right here?

You can get sacked for any reason in the Uk, for the first 2 years @Densol57 !

@Copenhagener although it was a serious and practical discussion, your update has left me with a squishy happy feeling! Hope all goes well and that the New Year brings you all that you want :)

I'm glad you were able to talk it out.now it sounds about right the scandinavian way 😅
Good luck with jobhunt and ivf

this.

Well done @Copenhagener on your talk, that's really great news. I'm glad all it took was a conversation to sort everything out. Good luck with the IVF and definitely do get married before having a baby, it's crucial for your protection.

This

How is he 'right' for one partner in a marriage to be very much worse off?

But then she talks to him and updates...

The OP has updated...

But the mobile app means you cannot just see op comments, so this happens. I am not going hunting through to find the update.

Does the mobile App let you change the colour of the OP's posts and your own?

They appear in different colours. You cannot choose. But the main thing is that you cannot isolate them

I appreciate the thread has developed, but I hate this sort of post. You posted this less than 40 mins after the thread was started, bemoaning that OP hadn’t snapped to it and decided to change her whole life in less than an hour.

Imperious, much?

They’ll just give you a different reason or push you out/make your life impossible

That's strange, I can isolate any poster's posts on any threads on the mobile app on my phone/ipad. Unless I'm misunderstanding what you're trying to do?

Sorry, the above was for @Snugglemonkey, and I forgot to show the result showing the relevant update once I'd funnelled the OP's posts - hope this is clear now. Yes, I have nothing better to do with my life at the moment than to point this out.

That is what I try to do, but cannot. I am on android.

Thank you. I cannot see that though as it is very small and when I click on it, it just stays the same size.

@Snugglemonkey - oh, I understand you about the small print, it's a nightmare. It looks as if the "funnelling" function only works on Apple products. Seems a bit daft, though. Why would there be one model for the app on Apple and another for the Android app? I'm going to check on site stuff now - I did say I've not got much to do at the moment!

Sorry to OP for my digression.

@Snugglemonkey I found this from September this year, but there doesn't appear to have been any more news since:

HebeMumsnet · 11/09/2023 10:29

Hi there @DimOGwbl. Unfortunately the Android app doesn't yet have the facility to filter by OP we're afraid.
and
LilyMumsnet · 11/09/2023 17:26

We are discussing how to make the apps more functional so we will update when we know more.

It is annoying. There are other functions too, like being able to like posts that I cannot do. Every so often people comment on not reading all the updates, but sometimes there are literally hundreds of comments, so it is not possible.

before the “read all op posts” option, I used to at least read the first page and the last page before commenting, as often that’s enough to tell if there’s been significant new info

There are so many red flags here and the one you've mentioned should be the least of your worries!! Simply wow!!

Walk - No actually run - if this is how he treats you now, how on earth do you think he will treat you when you have a child he apparently seems to want? You are not a doormat yet (unless you being one without realising - the answers here should get you thinking) but soon will be if you continue this road. He has shown his true colours in your real time of financial need. Don't put a child through this let alone bring a child into such a dominant household. If you do, you will end up constantly battling and your child will be damaged by it all. There have been many many cases of a woman not being able to have children with one partner but able to have one with another. Move out, get some space, rethink and see what he does then.

Read the OP’s updates people!!!

OP - best update ever. He sounds like a good’un who just hadn’t thought it through.

Do get married though. Its main function these days, IMO is helping to protect women from the financial consequences of being the main childcarer. And no matter what your intentions now re splitting childcare etc equally, an unequal split ends up being the case for a lot of women.